We need the old Kermit: Full Edition

Chapter 2

The boarding house had pretty much quieted down by the time Kermit got there. From outside he could see that a few lights were still on, but most everybody seemed to be asleep. Kermit opened the door, and the first thing he saw was Robin, half-asleep, sitting halfway down the stairs with his pajamas on. Waiting.

Kermit climbed up and sat next to his nephew. “Robin, it’s way past your bed time,” he said sadly.

“But Uncle Kermit,” Robin said, “You promised you would tuck me in.”

“I know,” Kermit said. “Things ran late tonight. I’m sorry, Robin.

Robin nodded and leaned on his uncle’s arm.

“Come on,” Kermit said as he took his nephew by the hand. “Let’s get you to bed.”

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A dark figure of a person walked briskly down the empty street until it came to the door it was looking for. It pulled something out of its pocket and put it in the lock, wiggling the thing just right until the figure heard a tiny click. It pushed the door open and stepped inside, discreetly closing the door behind it. 

It walked forward with an all-knowing step, going exactly where it wanted to without even trying. It picked another lock, and another. Its all-knowing step led it to exactly the right spot. The figure knelt down, reached out and touched a combination lock. It slowly turned the lock, waiting for the exact feeling. There it was, and now the figure knew exactly what number it was on. It carefully spun the lock in a combination that had not been changed in years, and opened the metal safe door. Now came the only difficult part. The figure felt around inside the safe, touching everything with its gloved hands. There were papers, lots and lots of papers. But too large to be what the figure was looking for. It moved its hands down to the lower shelf. Yes, this was it. It lifted a stack of small papers, neatly bound together. There were several of these bundles, but the figure only wanted one. It let the bundle slide deep into its pocket, closed the safe, and set the lock exactly as it had been found. Then the figure stood up and, with its all knowing step, walked back the way it had come, locking the doors behind it, as quietly as a shadow. 

But someone else was quieter.

The figure locked another door behind it and began to cross the lobby with its all-knowing step. It stopped, feeling another presence.

This other presence lit a match and held it close to its own face. The presence was blue, with a long, almost snout-like mouth and yellow teeth. It had thin, inward-slanting slits for eyes that seemed to glow in the thick darkness. Beneath its chin, a beard-like growth, the same blue color as its skin.

Uncle Deadly.

The figure stepped left and began to walk around Uncle Deadly. Uncle Deadly moved and blocked it. It stepped right. He moved, blocking it. It moved forward and left. He blocked it. Right, blocked. Left, blocked. The match burned out. The game did not. The duo slowly crossed the lobby until Uncle Deadly was standing directly in front of the door. The figure put a hand on his shoulder and firmly pushed him out of the way. Uncle Deadly stayed close to the figure as it opened the door. It stepped into the night and closed the door behind it. Uncle Deadly heard a click as the door locked.

He struck another match and looked at the bundle of cash he had just taken from the figure’s pocket. 

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Kermit got to the theater extra early the next morning, trying to think of more ways to cut expenses. He approached the back door, key in hand, ready to unlock it, but the door swung open before he even touched it. He froze, then stepped inside apprehensively. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving him in total darkness. Some one struck a match, and Kermit turned to see Uncle Deadly lighting an old candle.

“Frightful day to you, Kermit,” Uncle Deadly said.

“Well hi ho there,” Kermit said nervously. “How was your night?”

“Frightful,” Uncle Deadly said. “But more to you than to me.”

“What do you mean?” Kermit asked.

Uncle Deadly produced the bundle of cash and handed it to the frog. “Someone came, picked the locks, opened the safe, took this, locked the doors and left.”

Kermit looked from the phantom to the cash and back at the phantom. “How did you get it?” he asked.

The slits of Uncle Deadly’s eyes grew narrower. “No one succeeds in this theater,” he said. “That doesn’t mean someone can steal from it.”

Kermit nodded.

“I expected you would want to know,” Uncle Deadly said. He handed the candle to Kermit and turned to walk away.

“Uncle Deadly?” Kermit said.

The phantom turned to look at him.

“Thank you,” Kermit said. Uncle Deadly shook his head and walked off into the dark theater.

Kermit stood there with the candle in one hand and the money in the other. Robbed. They had almost been robbed. They needed better security, then. New locks, latches and bolts. A new combination, maybe even a new safe. He looked at the money in his hand. There wasn’t enough. They needed new equipment and insurance and better security, and they didn’t have money for all of it.

The door burst open behind him and the morning sunlight poured in. Kermit found himself surrounded by the first wave of Muppets to arrive. 

“What’s going on in here?” Gonzo asked excitedly.

“It’s like night in here,” Fozzie said as he fumbled with his hat, glancing around in the darkness.

“Kermie, why aren’t the lights on?” Miss Piggy asked.

“What’s with the candle?” Dr. Teeth asked.

“Yeah what’s goin’ down?” Floyd asked.

“Don’t tell me the lights are busted,” Clifford said.

“Boss, is something wrong?” Scooter asked.

Kermit looked each of them in the eyes. “When more people get here, we’re having a meeting,” he said. He carefully felt across the wall until he found a switch and flicked on the most general lights in the theater. “Until then, I want you to cut as many corners as you can with water, electricity, and anything else that could cost money.” He blew out the candle.

“But like, why, Kermit?” Janice asked.

“We have to,” Kermit said. They stared at him in silence for a long moment. “We have to,” he repeated, and he walked away.