We need the old Kermit: Full Edition

Chapter 4

Later that day, Scooter and Kermit were talking backstage. 

“Okay Boss,” Scooter said. “I put another lock on the safe.”

“Good,” Kermit said. “What about the doors?”

“We’ll have to talk to a locksmith about those,” Scooter said. “But I called the exterminator. Apparently he doesn’t charge for ants.”

“Well that’s great!” Kermit said. “Tell him to come!”

“He’s already on the way,” Scooter said. “He should be here soon.”

“Oh, good!” Kermit said.

An anteater entered the backstage area. “This the Muffin Theater?” he asked.

Kermit did a double take. “Uh, no, this is the MuppetTheater,” he said.

“Whatever,” the anteater said. “Did you call an exterminator?”

“Yeah,” Kermit said.

“Great. I’m Addison Anteater,” the anteater said. “Where’re the ants?” Scooter and Kermit both pointed mutely towards the dressing rooms. “Supper time!” he said as he headed enthusiastically up the stairs. 

Kermit and Scooter watched him go, then turned to look at each other.

“Well,” Scooter said, “At least we know why he doesn’t charge for ants.”

“Sheesh,” Kermit said. “Now what about a locksmith?”

“I’ll see what I can do, Boss,” Scooter said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

It took some adjusting on everyone’s part to make all the cuts Kermit had described. But after a week, they got used to slightly dimmer lights, simpler sets, and generally a lower quality everything. By then all new locks were in, and all the ants were gone. They had tried to find a cheaper insurance company, but no one could give them all the coverage they needed. And now they had done another show, and it hadn’t been so bad. They had managed. 

Clifford thought about all this, half-listening to the usual post-show meeting as it dragged on longer than usual. 

“Let’s go over the possible names for the summer show,” Kermit was saying. “Scooter, do you have the list?”

“Right here, Boss,” Scooter said, pulling a paper out of the clipboard and placing it on top. “Uh, we haveSummer with the Muppets,” he looked up for their reactions.

“Kinda makes it sound like we’re doing it all summer,” Clifford said.

The others nodded. Scooter looked back to the sheet. “Muppet Summer,” he read, and looked up.

“Same problem,” Pops said.

Scooter read again, “Summer in the City.”

“Well that’s a song,” Rowlf said.

“Summer in the Theater?” Scooter read.

They hesitated. Then Kermit shook his head. “It sounds like none of us have a sun tan,” he said.

Scooter looked at the clipboard. “A Mid-Summer Muppets Classic.”

“A what?” Rizzo said.

“A Mid-Summer Muppets Classic,” Scooter repeated.

Rizzo and Pepe glanced at each other, and Rizzo shook his head.

“Okay,” Scooter said. “The next one’s Muppets in the Sun.”

“Well that takes care of the sun tan,” Clifford said.

But Rowlf shook his head. “Sounds more like a CD,” he said.

“What’s next, Scooter?” Kermit asked.

“Uh, Summer with Moi, Miss Piggy.” Kermit scrunched up his face, and there were a few snickers. Scooter shook his head. “I didn’t think so. Uh, next is Summer Stunts with Gonzo.”

“Wonder who came up with that one,” Clifford said sarcastically. “Next.”

“Mid-Summer’s Scream,” Scooter read.

“Who suggested that one? Uncle Deadly?” Rizzo said with a laugh.

“It’s not a terror show,” Kermit said. “Are there any more, Scooter?”

“One more,” Scooter said. “It’s A Very Super Muppet Summer Show.”

Kermit cocked his head to the side as he thought about it. “Well...” he said, “It could work...”

“No it couldn’t, okay,” Pepe said.

“Why not?” Rowlf asked.

“Haven’t you ever been to our fan sites?” Pepe said. “Dey use abbreviations, okay. Dey don’t write out anything. It’s all T-M-M and G-M-C and M-F-S. And MWoO. Dat name would be, what, I-A-V-S-M-S-S? Nobody will want to type that out, okay.”

“Where’s the cow?” Beauregard asked as he stopped sweeping for a moment.

“The what?” Kermit asked.

Beauregard blinked. “I thought I heard a cow with a lisp.”

Kermit scrunched up his face. “There aren’t any cows in here, Beauregard,” he said. He turned back to the group around his desk. “Now what are we going to call the show? We’re running out of time, and we need to advertise!”

Robin crawled out from his hiding place under the desk. “Uncle Kermit?”

“Robin!” Kermit pulled his nephew to his feet. “What are you still doing here? It’s late, you should be at home!”

“I fell asleep,” Robin said, looking a little embarrassed. Kermit shook his head. “But I thought of something to call the show,” Robin said.

“Really?” Kermit said. “What?”

“Well,” Robin said, “There’s so many acts where we use willow trees, why not call it Under the Weeping Willow?”

Kermit thought about it, and felt himself starting to smile. He looked at the other Muppets. They were nodding. “Scooter?” Kermit said. “Get the ball rolling on the advertising first thing tomorrow.”

“Okay Boss,” Scooter said, quickly writing something on his clipboard. 

“Now everyone go home and get some sleep,” Kermit said. “I’ll close up.”

“Uncle Kermit, can I help you close up?” Robin asked as the others walked out.

Kermit hesitated. “Well...”

“I don’t have school tomorrow,” Robin reminded him. “Or frog scouts.”

Kermit thought about it. “Alright,” he said.

Half an hour later, the two frogs left the theater and locked the last door. Kermit took his nephew’s hand and they walked to the corner, where the light haired man sent a slow but uplifting song through his clarinet. They stopped and listened for a moment before they each tossed a quarter into the hat.