Just Hold Hands

Chapter 17

With Theo's thirst now quenched, the hunger set in. In the forest, in that awful forest, woven with knotted rotting trees and disintegrating leaves beneath Theo's feet, they ate their final meal. They sat in the middle of the path, no one now would be on it to interrupt. The leaves overhead brushed against each other, but Theo no longer found the noise mystical. It was incessant, a constant noise that seemed to be growing louder and louder. She tried not to pay attention to it, to push the noise out of her mind, but there was nothing else to think about in the great big empty wilderness

Theo and Catherine each claimed one of the remaining cans of beans. They sat cross legged facing each other, the dirt scraping against their ankles. Theo couldn't help but feel like a prisoner on death row, scraping her teeth against one last grueling meal, pleasurable only in satiating her hunger, preparing to be led to her execution. Her executioners were mysterious space invaders, sure, but the rows and rows of tree trunks sure did look like prison bars from where she stood.

They ate straight from the can, choking down the cold beans, because Catherine had to eat, but she wouldn't if Theo wouldn't. Theo looked up from her disgusting meal. Catherine's hair was horribly knotted, matting in chunks by the top of her neck. It made Theo sad, she always had loved Catherine's hair. Her sweatpants were stained, baring a film of dirt at the knees. Her hair moved as one knotted unit when she turned her head. Theo found this so upsetting that she turned her attention back to her beans. She sighed, they were gross.

On they went, but with what little vigor they'd had almost entirely vanished. Rather than replenishing their energy, their final dinner had just served as a reminder that they had no food left, and were unlikely to find any more, unless they stumbled upon a blessed city that hadn't yet been destroyed. That agonizing meal may have been their last. As the realization settled in, Theo recalled her promise to herself, that if she could save Catherine, she'd do anything. There was nothing to be done, though, nothing in her power.

As they walked, Theo realized that she no longer felt pain in her feet. The constant growing ache had grown so that she no longer felt anything at all. She was fine with that, she'd rather not feel. As she looked up at the pink sky, darkening into a faded purple as the corrupted sun set, Theo thought about the end of the world, how she would bear witness to it, and how little she cared. She wasn't so afraid, she was past that. She wasn't sad or angry, she was tired of fleeing, and tired of caring. She didn't want to carry the weight of the world, the weight of Catherine was heavy enough. It was a welcome burden, but it was the only burden that Theo would take on it, and she was glad for it. There was no more that Theo could carry in her empty bag on her numb back.

As night fell, Theo saw no more need for solemn silence. It would not be the thing to save them. They had a few days, if they weren't blown up before they starved; her and Catherine should say now whatever they had left to say,

"Catherine," she asked, with as much power as she could muster. "How are you?"

Catherine seemed to mull on the question, deciding on a level of honesty. "Scared." Theo nodded, unsure what to say. Catherine seemed to catch the intention, though and said, "I remember your first day of school, I remember the dress you wore. I was so jealous of it, I couldn't wait for you to outgrow it."

Theo tried to remember the day, and failing that, remember the pictures. "The blue one? With the daisies?"

"Yeah, I loved it." Her gentle eyes reflected the last vestiges of the deep magenta sky. "I was so excited when I finally got it when you were done with it, I wore it for as long as I could fit into it, and then some."

Theo contorted her mouth into a soft smile. It felt strange. "I remember your first day. You cried."

Catherine gave a dry laugh. "Yeah. I was afraid to go by myself."