Deer Diary || Jily

Year 5 II

The train whistled loudly at the station indicating that boarding for the Hogwarts Express had begun and Lily had immediately jumped on board after swift goodbyes to her lovely parents. Once on the train, she walked through the compartments to try and find the right place to sit.

Normally, she would find a spot to sit with Severus, but she had barely spoken to or even seen him all summer vacation. He had been spending so much time away from his home that Lily could never tell if he was in or not and it felt like he was avoiding her even when he was home.

It was natural for childhood friendships to drift apart, but she always thought she and Sev were different. Everything felt so off with them now. So awkward. She felt as if she couldn't even recognize her friend anymore. He was so much a stranger to her now and maybe she was a stranger to him.

Nothing felt real between them anymore.

Whenever Lily had a chance to see him, they would sit at the old tree by their house. She would ask him how he'd been and what he'd been up to, but his answers seemed vague at best. As if he was keeping something from her. She was too afraid to probe, nervous about what answers he may give her, James's warning constantly ringing in the back of her head.

Severus wasn't a Death Eater. It was like he told her, Lily rationalized. As a Slytherin, he was surrounded by those people, but that didn't make him one of them. Just like Lily being around the Marauders didn't technically make her one. She couldn't help what house she was sorted into and nor could Severus.

Regardless of him being a Death Eater or not, her friendship with Severus Snape was fading, so she was relieved to find out from the Head Girl that prefects sat in a different compartment on the train. Usually, she and Sev would sit by themselves, the whole compartment for just the two of them, and Lily never really bothered to make other friends, as everyone had grouped up with each other in the beginning. And now, in her fifth year of school, Lily felt more alone than ever.

She wished she could make friends, but it just didn't come easy to her. Sure she got along with everybody, but it wasn't a deep connection that bonded them. She was just friendly and they were friendly back. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now that she was a prefect, she hoped it could be a chance for her to make some new bonds and closer relationships.

Maybe, Lily thought to herself, she could even make friends with the other Gryffindor prefect whoever they were.

That positive mindset was quickly deterred once she arrived at the prefect compartment and was introduced to her partner prefect for Gryffindor house: Remus Lupin. She was surprised at first, but it slowly waned into acceptance. Honestly, out of all the Marauders, Remus was the most responsible and studious, so he being prefect actually made sense to a certain extent. Lily figured it may not be too bad.

When Remus realized she was his partner, he gave her a tight-lipped smile, looking just as uncomfortable to see her as prefect as she did him.

Before overthinking any more than she usually did, Lily took a seat next to the boy and gave him a genuine smile. "So, how did your friends react to you having the role of prefect?"

"In the words of Sirius, 'we now have a man on the inside to take the whole system down.'" Remus quoted sarcastically.

Lily chuckled. "I suppose getting away with pranks will be a whole lot easier now."

With a shrug Remus remarked, "It wasn't like it was so hard before,"

"Wow," Lily leaned back in her seat, "Cocky. Probably cause of that fancy map you all made, huh?"

Remus looked shocked. "You know about our map?" he asked.

"Uhm, yes. Potter showed me..." she hesitated at the strange look on Remus's face. "Was he not supposed to?"

"I- I just didn't know that you knew."

"I didn't tell anyone," Lily assured him. "I am very good with secrets."

He looked perturbed. "That's... good."

The conversation went dead once more and Lily struggled to revive it. Luckily, once the train started, the Head Girl and Boy made some announcements and everyone introduced themselves. After the many torturous icebreakers, they were finally let go and allowed to chat amongst themselves.

Remus threw himself into a book and Lily stared out the window, cursing her introverted self for not having the ability to start conversations.

She had a feeling that this was going to be a very long and lonely year.