Deer Diary || Jily

Year 5 XII

The next morning, Lily spotted Regulus at breakfast, sitting with the other Slytherins. He made eye contact with her, but quickly dropped his gaze back to his meal. Lily did the same thing and took a seat at the Gryffindor table beside Alice and Marlene. She understood why Regulus didn't acknowledge her. She was a muggleborn and Regulus had to maintain the façade that he was above people like her, something he had been raised since he was child to believe.

Her late night chat with Regulus had opened her eyes to many things. The greatest was the hidden strength of Regulus Black.

She always knew Sirius was brave for getting into Gryffindor house and challenging his family's terrible ideologies, but he had his three friends to back him up and support him. Regulus didn't have anyone like that and yet, he still came to the same conclusions. Regulus was less than free to express those beliefs, especially with such hateful parents and "friends", but the kid was so honest with her, even though they had only talked for a little time. He was so desperate for a human connection and someone to talk to and Lily was the perfect outlet.

Admitting that he believed that blood status wasn't important was a big deal: both to her and to Regulus.

It was supposed to be obvious and unquestionable. Of course it didn't matter if she was muggleborn. But the way she and others like her were treated for something like blood status made her question everything. Hearing Regulus, a teen who had grown up in an environment that vehemently looked down on people like her, but had still come out on the other side with a kind heart and a strong mind capable of forming his own logical and reasonable conclusions about blood status, made her have hope for the future and see an end to the Wizarding War that loomed over their heads.

It was not until later that night, Lily realized that those words that Regulus had told her were something that her dear childhood friend had never once told her.

Severus Snape was kind to her despite her being muggleborn. Severus Snape loved her despite her being muggleborn.

To him, her blood status was an annoying hindrance he could not avoid and simply had to deal with or ignore.

She realized that this was where Regulus Black and Severus Snape were different. They were both gray, Lily believed, but Regulus was gray for the right reasons.

A spring of doubt began to leak into Lily's mind. She wondered what Severus's intentions were. She wondered why he was hiding behind his Death Eater friends. Severus had called people 'mudblood' before and she had heard him.

He had only apologized when she called him out on it and he insisted he would never call her that. Why? Because she was Lily Evans and he loved her despite the fact that she too was a mudblood.

Lily didn't want to be an exception to Severus's prejudice. She didn't want to be loved despite anything. She wanted to be loved fully. She wanted—

"Oi, Lils," a voice interrupted her musings. "Have you been listening at all?"

Shaken out of her reverie, Lily turned towards Alice. "Sorry, Ally, what was that?"

"Marley and I think there's something going on with the Marauders."

Lily's spoon clattered on the table. "What? Are they okay? What happened? Are they hurt?"

She had spent the full moon with Regulus and had completely forgotten about the Marauders. The guilt began rising from the pit of her stomach.

Marlene looked at her strangely. "Ehm, no. But James and Peter had come in for breakfast and were eating and then Sirius walked in a few minutes later and James and Peter glared at him—"

"It was scary, I think I even saw James growl," Alice added.

"Anyway," Marlene continued, "James said a couple of things to Sirius and then Sirius looked sad and sat by himself and then—"

"Sirius never sits by himself!" Alice exclaimed and Lily's mind began to spin as the two of them continued to add to the events.

Alice took off from where Marlene had finished, "And then we saw Remus come into the dining hall and he glared at all three of them and then grabbed a piece of toast and left and then James and Peter got up and ran after them, but Sirius didn't join them!"

Marlene took a bite of her eggs and said thoughtfully, "It was so bizarre to see them like that. So... hostile. And Sirius was at the center of it, I'm sure. I wonder what happened."

Lily scanned the hall to find Sirius, true to Alice and Marlene's words, sitting all by himself, glaring angrily at his breakfast. But before Lily could come up with the nerve to get up and ask him what was wrong, Sirius shoved his plate away angrily and stood abruptly from his seat to leave the crowded hall.

She saw Regulus also get up and walk over to his brother, most likely taking Lily up on her advice to confide in his older brother, but it was definitely the wrong time to do so because Sirius had snarled right at his face. It must have been hurtful words because Lily couldn't bear to see the crestfallen look on the younger brother's face.

Sirius had then proceeded to heatedly push Regulus against the wall and out of his way before officially leaving the room.

Regulus stood there alone for a few seconds, shock and heartbreak visible, before shaking his head and restoring his normal blank, unemotional, safe expression. He left the hall as well, going in the opposite direction of his brother.

Something had happened during that full moon, Lily realized. Something big.

Usually, the full moon brought the Marauders closer to each other, strengthening their bond, but something went wrong this time.

And she was determined to find out what.