Deer Diary || Jily

Year 2 V

"Bloody hell, Evans! That. Was. Amazing!" James exclaimed in between laughs.

"I feel amazing!" Lily choked out, tears prickling in the corner of her eyes from laughing so hard.

"The way you threw the words he said right back in his face... and that bat bogey hex! Holy merlin, that was so cool!"

Lily grinned from ear to ear. "It was, wasn't it?"

"I knew you had it in you!" James said proudly.

"I feel braver. I don't think those Slytherin bullies who think they're so much better than me could ever scare me again. Not them, not the death eaters. Not even Vol— Voldemort."

James stared at her with unhindered pride and shook his head as he looked down. "I don't think I can ever get over this momentous day. This day should be in history books. This day should be a national holiday."

"The day Lily became a true Gryffindor," Lily commented.

"No way," James disagreed. When Lily looked at him with confusion, he clarified, "You were always a true Gryffindor. You just embraced your inner self."

Lily huffed and said, "You are so cheesy."

Shrugging, James replied, "I just think everyone has a little bit Gryffindor in each of them and that's what makes them so great. And that's what makes Gryffindors extra great," he joked.

Lily chuckled. "Oh really? Even the Slytherins that you hate so much? Do they have a bit of Gryffindor in them?"

James thought about it for a bit before he answered, "I suppose they do. And maybe we have a little Slytherin in us too. And Hufflepuff. And Ravenclaw."

"I have a little Slytherin in me?"

"Oh, definitely. You more than most," James teased. "The way you made Nott apologize... I mean, if that's not Slytherin, I don't know what is."

"Hey!" Lily laughed. "If I had to be another house, I would want to be in Ravenclaw. I would be a GryffinClaw." Lily thought about it for a moment. "Or a RavenDor."

"I'd like to be Hufflepuff. A GryffinPuff!" James said excitedly.

"Is the great James Potter actually considering the possibility of being in another house?" Lily teased.

"You think I'm great?" James smirked.

"I think you think you're great."

"I think you think that I think that— I'm just confused now." James scratched the back of his head.

They both burst out laughing again and as the adrenaline began to wear out, the two of them realized how tired they were.

Lily swallowed roughly, not being able to acknowledge that she was actually having fun talking to James Potter. "I better go now. Busy day tomorrow and all that."

"Oh." James seemed surprised. "Oh yeah, same here. Totally. I should go too."

Except their busy day tomorrow was a weekend with no plans and nothing to do. But they would never admit that.

Oh, the woes of pre-pubescent awkwardness.

As the both of them turned to go in separate directions, their heads and heart whirring with strange feelings, it felt like a new chapter in their lives had begun. One with more understanding of how the other half lives.

Settling on her comfy bed, Lily decided it was time for a new journal entry.

***

Dear Deer Journal,

I feel like every time I talk to you, it's about something James Potter has done. James Potter this. James Potter that. Well, today... it's no different.

James Potter helped me be brave.

That was something I never thought I would ever say (write) out loud (on paper), but it's true.

I just remembered my first year when I was confronted by Nott and I was so scared and Severus was there and I should have felt safe with my friend by my side. But I didn't. I felt scared and violated and I never wanted to feel like that again.

Today, it happened again, but this time it was Potter.

Lily paused in her writing and re-thought her words.

It was James, she corrected.

And he was by my side and I wasn't scared anymore. I felt brave. I mean, he didn't do anything. I stood up for myself, but it felt really good having someone by my side who didn't make me apologize for being who I am.

I am a muggleborn and I am proud of that. I'm proud that my parents are muggle and I can have the best of both worlds. The wizarding world and the muggle world. They're both lucky to have Lily Evans in it.

Lily smiled as she re-read her words.

That feels really good to finally write. It was almost like I was ashamed of both halves of my life for so long. At Hogwarts, it's a shame to be a muggleborn and at home, it's a shame to be a witch. Not to my parents, of course, but to my sister. I just wish she would accept me as who I am. One day, we could both have kids and they would be best friends and have play dates together and we could go to the zoo and—

Lily stopped writing and realized how silly her dream was. She didn't even notice she was crying until a tear drop landed on the paper and stained the paper.

Wiping her eyes, Lily continued, I'm getting carried away. What I'm trying to say is that I am proud of who I am and I am never ever going to let anyone bring me down again.

Older Lily: If you're reading this and feeling down about yourself, twelve year old Lily has a message for you. You are brave. You are strong. You are Lily Evans.

***

She smiled softly to herself as she whispered the message to herself. Despite her dislike of James, she kind of owed this breakthrough to him. James helped her unlock a side of her that was hidden for so long.

Whenever she looked at James, she saw an arrogant git who only cared about himself and his house, but when Lily got to know him more, she realized that he cared about people. People other than himself.

James was a protector. Defender of the defenseless. And Lily didn't realize it, or didn't want to realize it, until he wheedled his way into her life and opened her up.

James was loyal. Not just to one house, but to people. His friends. And it didn't matter what house they were in.

It was time to revamp her reasons why she "hated" James Potter. Lily was even considering changing the word "hate" to "strongly dislike", but then decided against it since it was too wordy.

She began to write down the reasons, flipping from the current page to the page with the original list.

When she go to reason six: he thinks Gryffindors are better than all the other houses, she stopped and put her quill down.

Looking at the new list, Lily pursed her lips. Now that reason six was out. She only had five reasons left why she hated James Potter.

But they were good reasons, Lily tried to convince herself.

She hated James. She had to.

He had dumb prejudices (towards Severus) and dumb friends and even dumber hair.

That damn dumb hair.

Lily rolled her eyes as she shut her journal and got ready for bed. She was worried about nothing. As if she could ever not hate (strongly dislike) James Potter...