Deer Diary || Jily

Year 5 X

On the nights of full moons, Lily did her rounds alone. Remus always had an excuse ready for her the day before as to why he was not able to make it and Lily readily accepted it every time.

After completing the nightly rounds, she always ran to the Astronomy Tower to keep an eye on her boys during the full moon. It was easier now because she couldn't get caught, since technically she was supposed to be catching herself.

This night was supposed to be like no other, but there was something in the air.

Severus had been jumpy all day, more than usual, and when Lily tried to ask him what was wrong, he had just brushed her off.

He muttered something to himself and walked away and Lily just couldn't find the heart to go after him. Anyway, Lily had to put that aside as thoughts of the full moon and any potential injuries her boys may get filled her mind with worry.

On the way to the tower, Lily heard a sound coming from one of the empty classrooms. A small sniffle and shuddering breaths.

Assuring herself that it was only a short detour, Lily opened the door to the classroom a smidge and peeked inside.

She was surprised to find Regulus Black sitting on one of the tables, his back to her as he looked out the window into the night sky. Lily was relieved to find it was in the opposite direction of the Whomping Willow so the boy would not catch sight of his brother and friends doing anything illegal. He had his legs on a chair and his arms resting on his knees. Regulus curled his whole body into his hands and Lily could see the way his body shook with each silent sob that came out of him.

She cleared her throat to make herself known and at the sound, Regulus whirled around to face her, his eyes widening before he stood up in a protective stance. He clutched his wand in his hand and used the other to pull the sleeves of his robe down. "What are you doing here?" Regulus growled. Even in the darkness, the moonlight coming from the large windows was enough to unveil the bloodshot eyes and tear stained face that Regulus tried to hide from the rest of the world.

Lily raised her hands in a surrendering position. "I'm a prefect. I'm just doing my nightly rounds and I heard a sound coming from here," she spoke honestly. "I'm Lily."

"Lily Evans," Regulus said, dropping his wand and standing less defensively. "I know. Snape seems to like you even though you're a... you know."

"I do know, thanks," Lily said wryly. She did appreciate him not calling her those words despite how he was raised.

"Black, er, your brother speaks very highly of you," Lily said awkwardly.

Regulus raised an eyebrow and with a sarcastic smile said, "Does he now?"

He used the sleeve of his long robes to wipe at his face and he walked back to his table, taking a seat and resting his feet up on the chair once more.

"Are- are you alright?" Lily asked hesitantly, still standing near the entrance.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't look fine," Lily said as gently as she could.

"I'm fine." Regulus stared out the window, looking at everything and nothing. "I'm okay. I—"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Why would I want to talk with you?" Regulus sneered, he turned his head sharply to face her. "You're... you're nothing. You're below me... like a cockroach. You will never understand!"

Lily knew his words were coming from a place of hurt, but that did not mean she was going to stand there and take it. She turned her body and made her way to the door when, "Wait."

She stopped in her steps.

"I didn't mean to say that," his voice came out timidly, "I'm sorry."

"I might not understand," Lily said, walking closer to the boy. "But I can always listen. It helps to talk."

Regulus had once again hidden his face in his arms. "I can't. I can't," he muttered. "I can't"

"Then can I sit with you?" Lily asked.

Regulus paused for a moment and his whole body stilled. "Why?" he asked, his voice muffled in his sleeves.

"Company is good for the soul. You don't have to talk," Lily promised. "I can just sit with you."

Regulus gave a small nod and Lily took that as permission to sit on the table next to him, her feet dangling by the floor.