Restart |Karlnapity| (On Hiatus)

41. The perfect place

TW/CW: Alcohol, Unintentional self-harm, Nausea, Hallucination, Mentions Of Abuse, Self-Blaming, Depressive Thoughts, Suicidal Thoughts, Slight Invalidation of trauma, Derealization(?), Questioning Gender, Acting on Impulsive thoughts, Blood.

Here Quackity was, sitting in a bathroom stall with the door shut. He was trying to calm himself down before going back out to sit with Karl and Sapnap again. It's been at least 5 minutes already, he has to hurry...

He wrinkled his nose, the smell of Alcohol was still potent though he was in the bathroom. He just hugged his arms, hoping the smell would go away eventually.. Or that he'd at least get used to it... or something.

His hands found their way under his sleeves and he found himself scratching at his arms lightly as he tried to distract himself. What if they were worrying about him right now? No, they wouldn't worry about him. He isn't important enough for that. Sapnaps probably getting drunk right now.. Karl's probably taking advantage of him or something...

He kept scratching, his mind stuck on these thoughts. If Karl's taking advantage of Sapnap shouldn't he go stop him? No.. Sapnap wouldn't want him to stop anyways. But wait- he can't consent if he's drunk... but.. he would've consented if he wasn't drunk... He probably still likes Karl.

He probably still likes Karl.

Quackity whimpered, pulling his knees onto his chest, his arms resting on top of them. That hurts to think about. Sapnap still liking Karl... He probably does though, Quackity isn't good enough for him. Maybe they brought him here to get rid of him... maybe they knew... did they know? maybe everyone knew and they were just making fun of him.

He could feel a slight burning in his arms but ignored it, too hyperfocused on the thoughts rushing through his head. Everyone probably already knew what he went through, they probably think he's such a baby for not getting through it just fine. Especially after.. 7 months?

All of his episodes.. they're all about the same fucking things too. He needs to get over it.. why does it always freak him out at exactly the same amount every time!? He could feel tears in his eyes. Fuck. He was trying to calm himself down, not make himself cry.

He sniffled, his body jolting as a pain shot through both of his arms. His eyes widened as he felt something.. Wet, on both of them. He gulped, rolling up his sleeves slowly and holding his breath as he saw bloody scratch marks covering both of his arms. His breathing sped up a bit as he stared at them.

No- No, Stay calm, Stay calm Quackity.. It's fine, everything is fine. It- It wasn't on purpose, it was an accident! They- They aren't even that bad.. Are they?

He stared at them in shock as they kept bleeding, the red seeming to pour out of them. "S-Shit-" he whispered, standing up quickly and falling against the stall door. He took a deep breath, unlocking the door and peeking out carefully. Nobody else was there, but that didn't really matter. He had to hurry.

He stumbled out of the stall, running over to where the paper towels were. He pulled them out quickly, feeling lightheaded and nauseous as his blood continued to fall onto the tiled bathroom floor. Why was he bleeding so much? It- It was just a small bit of scratching- Was he gonna die?

If he did die it'd be all his fault, everyone would be so sad because of him scratching at his skin. He was so damn selfish, the least he could do was jump off of a cliff or something so they didn't have to worry about him being dead immediately. They'd just.. think he was missing for a bit, and then they'd find out later.

Maybe he can make it seem like a murder. He shook his head, trying to shake away the thoughts as he wrapped the paper towel around his arms desperately. He whimpered as he looked in the mirror, fear spreading through him as he thought he saw Schlatt, but it turned out to just be a hallucination as he looked back and nothing was there.

He gritted his teeth as he wrapped the paper towels around his arms, finally finishing and using what little skills he had to tie the final bit of paper towel into a knot on each arm so it wouldn't fall off, though it probably wouldn't due to all the blood on his arms.

He sniffled, hiccupping a few times as he looked at the floor, the blood still all over it. Shit- how- how would he explain this? They'd think he tried to kill himself, he didn't! What if that wasn't even real? What if he was just sleeping right now or something? He didn't even know if what he identified as was real or not! He could be a girl.. He could be nonbinary, how the hell would he fucking know???

He could be a girl, a boy, neither, both, who knows. He doesn't know. He just doesn't know anymore. He whimpered as he approached the door, shakily grabbing the handle. He shouldn't exit now, should he? they'd ask what took him so long, why he had paper towels on his arms... Maybe he should just run away and disappear, maybe he should kill himself.

He should kill himself, his trauma hasn't gotten any better and he causes them so much trouble because of some abusive husband from 7 months ago. He even framed Karl as a bad person! Didn't he? He did. It was all his fault- everything was all his fault. If he just- DISAPPEARED everything would be better for everyone.

Schlatt probably only abused him so he'd become stronger- or- or because he deserved it- deserved punishment, and pain, and- and... And he could be imagining whats happening right now.. he needs to go back to the real world.. Wait- isn't this the real world? Is it?...

...

Whatever, he'll just.. die, and if he wakes up, it wasn't the real world. If he doesn't.. Well, the world didn't need him anyways.

He opened the door, sneaking past Karl and Sapnap and making his way outside.

He knew the perfect place.

Hullo everyone! I'm sorry for not
Updating for a long time, but
as I said in the last update
Self doubt went through the ROOF.
It's fine now, and I just want to
apologize because it feels like
I'm begging for validation whenever
I rant about how bad I think my
Writing is in the A/N of each chapter.