The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop

The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop, Chapter Sixteen:

Chapter Sixteen:

Before the party, Sally bought two cans of Stella and a bottle of wine. She lined them up in front of her mirror, took out her mascara and began rolling the black gel over her lashes. The position reminded her of her Berlin pre-party rituals. She would sit like this every night, thinking about what she was going to say and how she was going to say it, creating a whole new persona, while forgetting her real one.

As she rubbed the excess mascara off her eyelids she tried to think of the kind of person she wanted to be tonight. She still craved for the humane softness she had been trying so hard to cultivate. The person who had real friends and a life outside the world of drinking and partying but that person demanded vulnerability and honesty which were the two things Sally had no idea how to obtain.

Prior to catching the bus, Sally instinctively bought a stick of gum and an energy drink. This was another routine she had picked up in Berlin. The red bull would bring her to the heights she was accustomed to, while the chewing gum steadied her thinking. In the double-decker, the same reckless energy pumped through her veins but with it came something else, something that made her think of Maya and curse her stupid lies.

Sally got off the bus outside a block of flats. Like everyone else at the pub, Marta lived in South London but Sally had never been to this area before. The street was dark and quiet except for a heavy bass that cascaded from the upper floors.

As she walked towards the building she saw two girls huddled outside. "This Marta's place?" asked Sally, assuming they were there for the party. The girls rolled their eyes and nodded. Sally smiled awkwardly, took the bottle of wine out from her bag and pressed the buzzer. Something about the way the girls were standing felt strangely familiar. They were definitely waiting for someone. Sally had an idea of who but something about the way they were standing, sent her eyes wondering back to them.

Someone buzzed her in and she began following the music echoing down the stairwell. The further she climbed, the louder the music became and by the time she arrived on the correct floor laughter and chatter ricocheted off the walls making the flat tremble with excitement. Clusters of people had already started dancing, swaying along to the glowing atmosphere that squeezed Sally's heart. If she had arrived with Maya they would have started dancing immediately, showing off all the moves they had learnt at their Friday night dance classes.Maya would have recognised a few people. She would have introduced them to Sally and straight away she would have been at ease but now she was alone and had to fend for herself.

In the corner of the flat, Sally saw Clyde standing by himself. "You alright Clyde?" Sally shouted over the music, taking another swig from her bottle. She couldn't see Maya anywhere. Perhaps she was not coming. Sally shook away her thoughts and turned back to Clyde. His face was sweaty and his eyes locked with hers momentarily.

"You okay, Clyde?" Sally laughed.

 Clyde closed his eyes and nodded. "Yep." "Not wasted already, are you?" asked a voice that Sally had not heard before. She turned and saw a guy with a shaved head and wide bright green eyes.

"I am Jake," said the man as he gave Sally his hand.

"How do you know this one?"

"We work at the pub together," replied Sally.

 "Oh, you work at the pub?" Sally nodded and tried to get Clyde's attention but he was too busy swaying.

"I am an actor," said Jake, casually leaning into Sally.

Sally took a step back, "Oh yeah."

"Yeah, I have been in a few adverts, do you know the one with the –" but before Jake could finish a blonde girl tugged at his arm.

"Jake, come on! The guys downstairs." As she tugged at his sleeve again, Sally recognised her as one of the girls from downstairs.

"Yeah Jake, hurry up," said her friend. 

 "Well, I will see you around then," said Jake as he let himself be dragged away by the two women.

"Sure," said Sally, making a mental note to avoid the three of them at all costs.

As the girls guided him towards the door, they both turned and glared at her. You can have him, thought Sally as she took another gulp of her wine. For the next hour, she stayed next to Clyde, trying to decide who she was going to talk to next. Every time the door opened she flinched, but so far Maya was yet to arrive. The atmosphere in the room did not change but the more everyone danced the more alien they seemed. Sally could not talk to these people. They were light and fun. There was no way they could relate to the chains that coiled around her gut.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jake and the two girls re-enter the party. One of the girls whispered to Jake and the three of them walked into the bathroom. Instantly, Sally knew what was going on. Quickly, she scanned the room for Maya. She was nowhere to be seen.

"I am just going to the loo," said Sally. Clyde swayed in her direction but did not make a sound, giving Sally the push she needed to storm over to the bathroom door and knock as loudly as she dared.

"Well look who it is," Said Jake as he opened the door, "Want to join the party?" Sally smiled as best she could and stepped forward.

"What is she doing here?" Asked one of the girls.
 
"What do you think she is doing?" said Jake as he cut two more lines.

"But I thought you said no randos."

"She is not a rando; she works with Clyde".

The girls folded their arms, "So?"

 "So, she is our friend," Said Jake as he handed Sally a rolled-up fiver. Sally stared at it and swallowed. This was what she had wanted. This was what was missing, but again and again, Maya's face flashed before her, making her arms go limp at her sides.

"Not getting cold feet are you?" asked Jake, waving the note in her face. One of the girls snorted. Sally stared at them and then at the white power. She could hear people dancing and having fun on the other side of the door. She could join them, but without Maya, she knew she did not belong there. Sally shook her and knelt next to the toilet lid. She leaned forward and put the fiver to her nostril and sniffed hard.

"Ada girl," Said Jake, taking the fiver out of her hand and squaring down next to her. Sally sat quickly and watched them all take their lines as the familiar energy shot through her tendons.

"So do you want to go back out there?" Asked Jake. Sally nodded and they both walked back out into the party. As Sally took in her surroundings she tried to breathe steadily but her heart would not let her. It crashed inside her rib cage, engulfing her in the exaggerated reality, making her eyes dart from corner to corner. Sally turned and looked at Jake. His pupils had grown twice as large and his face was inches away from hers.