Fading Sorrow

My heart hates me

Previously,

What more reason do I have to try living? You were my Ikigai and still you are. Everything was bearable just because of you. Now that my heart bleeds in the cold lone night, and you are not here to get me through it all, make it all so hard. What am I supposed to do now? Why is my life only filled with winter and darkness? Why does it have to be me? Why only me? Why doesn't the heavens want me to be happy? Knowing he doesn't want me, knowing he broke my heart I can't stop myself from loving him. I still love him. I still love him and I hate myself for that. I am so scared to die. Scared of not being able to see his face after I die.

My heart hates me for loving him............

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I cried my heart out. My eyes are burning. Feeling dead left all alone in the dark long passage, in the cold starless night. My eyelids become heavy, mind not being able to process anything. The cold night breeze hitting my body made me shudder to the coldness. I hugged myself protectively from the cold breeze. My head slowly rested in the near wall, sleep taking its toll over me.

"Hey! Wake up" I could feel a voice reaching out to me in the distance.

"Ara !" I shot my eyes on hearing my name. I blinked a few times adjusting my sight. The moon light shining bright upon her face, her dark hair flowing elegantly in the wind. It was Ae-Ri. What is she doing here?

She held out her hands. I just stared at her blankly, not knowing what to do. She extended her hand further and gave me a nod, gesturing me to take it. I hesitantly raised my hand and held her soft, slender ones. She used force and tried to help me stand on my feet. I finally stood up. My leg feels numb due to sitting in the same position.

I backed away from her and slowly bowed in respect. She held my shoulder and made me look at her. What is just happening? She stared straight in my eyes. The way she looked at me as she could see right through me. She sighed a bit seeing me.

"You love Jihun don't you?" She asked, leaving me in utter shock. I couldn't even utter a word. That was quick!

"So you really do, huh? I can see right through you Ara. Remember, no matter how hard your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. If you still love him and if you still want to be with him you have to face more. You have to be stronger." She continued.

"But, why are you doing this? Why are you helping me" I asked her, feeling so confused. Her gaze was completely different from all our previous encounters.

" I care for him and he cares for you. So, I thought I should help you and I thought you should know the truth in order to be helped. And after knowing the truth it's your choice, Ara. Whether to stay or to leave it will be your choice and only yours, I will make sure of it. Every relationship has cracks. Tear it apart with anger or fill the gaps with forgiveness, the choice is yours."

The only emotion my face showed was surprise. I thought she hated me.

"But don't get me wrong. Doing all these doesn't mean I like you. I am just doing this for my brother. This is going to be dangerous. Do you still want to know what is happening?"

For a minute I thought I was wrong. But I guess it isn't the case. I am right she doesn't like me. She said she is doing this for her brother, right ? Isn't she going to marry Jihun? Should I trust her ? Should I go?

I think I should. This is my last chance. I looked at her and nodded my head hesitantly.

"You still have a lot of questions in your mind I see. I never liked him as a man. And remember as I told you this is going to be dangerous. We can even end up dead if something goes wrong. But I promise I won't let that happen. Just follow my lead, don't make noise, don't do something stupid and we will be fine. Come on, we should be quick." She said.

Holy hell ! Can she read my mind? This woman is full of surprises.

"I can't read your mind. I am just brilliant beyond your imaginations!" She said as she started walking. She sure has a lot of confidence.

My eyes widened as a weird feeling rose inside me. She is creepy yet beautiful. The white moonlight radiating bright light on her milky skin. Her black smooth hair perfectly covers her ears. The simple black night gown she wore perfectly hugged her body. She looked like an angel. To be precise she kinda feels like a fallen angel. I guess good looks run in their genes. She is everything I ever wanted to be in my whole life. Bold, beautiful, brilliant, sarcastic, cheerful and scary at the same time. The aura she holds hits different. She is scary but she has a good heart. She slightly chuckled while walking. Oh my freaking god! I am hella sure she can hear what's on my mind. I slowly ran behind her.

"Where are we going now?" I asked more like a whisper.

"To Jihun's room" She said carelessly.

What are we going to do in his room? What is the truth Jihun is trying to hide?