Ross&Rachel: Find Myself

Chapter 4: Somewhere only we know

still RACHEL'S POV.

I don't know for how long we were standing at his doorstep, but it seemed like hours.

- Rachel he said snapping me out of my thoughts. Would you like to come inside?

- Ah... I said kinda lost... no, no it's fine. Can you just please tell Monica to call me once she's back? I really need to talk to her I said in a soft voice.

- Sure.

- Thank you I whispered and turned around in order to leave.

- Wait! Where are you going?

- Uhm.. I, I don't know. I really need to breathe in some fresh air.

- I know a place he said looking down. It's far away from everyone and everything he continued. I can take you there if you want to.

- Let's go I said without thinking much about it. 

I just needed to go away. Away from my house where everything's a mess, away from this stupid, small city, just away from all the misery. Ross suggested we took his car. My mind was drifting away so I didn't pay attention to the route. I only knew we drove for like twenty minutes and ended at a beautiful, peaceful place. There was a small lake with a few benches around and tall trees. Some people were resting under them and kids were running completely careless. Ross opened my door and grabbed my hand, leading me to a tree far from the rest of the people. It was near the lake and you could hear the water splashing at the lawn that surrounded it. Ross sat under the tree and he motioned towards me to follow his actions. I sat down, next to him, staring at the lake in front of me. I closed my eyes as I leaned back at the tree trunk and I inhaled and exhaled, the same way Ross has told me almost half an hour earlier.

- This is like my safe place - Ross said.  I like coming here when everything's too much. It helps me clear my head and relax.

- It's really nice I said without taking my eyes off of the lake.

- Rachel he said touching briefly my shoulder. I turned around and looked at him. I may not be Monica but you seemed really upset. If you wanna talk to someone.

- I think my parents might be divorcing I said cutting him off. I came back from school and my dad was there, which was really weird since he never comes home before 9 p.m. He was carefully listening to me.

- I practically listened to my mom yelling about how unhappy she is. I mean. I wasn't surprised. My family is a mess. Everyone fights with everyone. We're not like you guys. You and Monica bicker all the time but you always have each other's back. My sisters on the other hand are doing everything they can to make my life a living hell.

- Is there any chance you misunderstood what you heard?

- No!

- Well. I mean, I know it must have been pretty painful to witness that, but Rach... Sometimes people need to let go of each other in order to be happy... and I don't know but maybe if some parents do that, then they get to be even better parents?!

- It's not just that Ross. I feel like everything's fake in my life you know? What's the point of having money and being famous? Huh?? I feel like I'm doing those things because of my image and then at the end of the day I just feel empty.

- Rach you are such a bright, wonderful person. You'll find your way. I mean we're all lost. Personally, I can't wait to finish school this year and leave. I'm tired of all the bullying and the teasing.

I turned to him. My heart broke. I was part of the problem right? I was one of the famous kids calling him a geek. But I didn't do it in order to make fun of him. I knew Ross my whole life. It was more of a pet name, right?!

- You really wanna leave I asked

- Yes! I really need a new beginning.

- Well I'm sorry on behalf of everyone that ever messed with you.

- His eyes lit up and he thanked me. I'm sorry for your parents. But maybe everything will work out in the end. He smiled.

- Do you think there's more than that? I asked again

- There has to be - he sweetly replied. He paused for a second and looked deeply into my eyes. It's going to be ok Rach. And trust me. You, especially you, there's nothing holding you back. It's never too late to change the things you don't like and hell, you can be whoever you want to be. You don't owe them anything. Just be whoever makes you happy he softly whispered the last words

- I smiled at him and without much thinking I hugged him. He must have been taken aback because he froze when I touched him but after a while he hugged me back, letting me sink into his arms. Thanks. I whispered while in his arms. You know I did great at the exam and I owe it to you. I don't remember the last time I felt proud of myself but today I did and it's because of your help. I said and I let go of him, so I could look into his eyes.

- I'm very proud of you he told me smiling. See? If you really want something, you can achieve it.

- Thanks I whispered and thank you for bringing me here. I really needed it.

- Of course. he smiled back and just for a second I thought that he was the cutest person.

- Whenever you're ready tell me and we'll go back.

- Just give me a minute I said and turned my eyes back to the lake. 

The sun was slightly orange and was dancing above the water just a few seconds before it set. 

- It's beautiful I whispered and in that little moment, it was as if my soul was fed for the first time in a very long time.

- It really is he commented. Little did I know that he was looking at me.

to be continued