Avengers Imagines

Ch. 15~Amnesia-Bucky Angst

"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted, I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted. And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine..." Amnesia-Anthem Lights (I know this is a cover for 5SOS, but I like this version better. :))

My foot pushes down harder on the gas so the places I pass are a mere blur instead of a fucking slideshow of unwanted memories shoved in my face. It's easy to swing around every other car on the road. Super soldier instincts can come in handy every once and a while. I'm going at least thirty miles over the speed limit, but any police officer that tries to pull me over is going to get a hell of a surprise. I'm not concerned. My mind is occupied with other thoughts anyway. Before speeding up I saw that damned Chinese restaurant where we had our first date. "Beginning of the end, more like." I scoff to myself and shake my head. God, what a mistake that was. Still, a part inside me still aches with the loss of you and it's annoying as shit. Finally, I skid to a stop outside the facility and jump out of the car, leaving the keys in the seat and the door wide open. I stomp over to the jet and slip past a staring Steve and Tony.

"Trying out for the next Fast and Furious, Robocop?" Tony asks with a perfectly manicured eyebrow raised. I cross my arms and lean against the side of the jet.

"I'm here on time, aren't I?" I ask in a monotone. I've learned from experience Tony dislikes it most when people don't care or pay attention to him. Like a child. He rolls his eyes and walks to the front as Clint starts up the jet to head out. Once we're in the air and traveling, I sit on the floor and just stare straight ahead at the bright red first aid kit hanging on the wall. "Stop." I snap, not even breaking my stare to look into Steve's concerned eyes.

"Buck, haven't we talking about being a jackass?" I nearly smile. Nearly. I do glance up at the blonde towering over me. Christ, I can still remember a time I barely had to tip my head to see the short, sickly boy I called my best friend. Now, I have to crane my neck. And I'm looking up, not down.

"Haven't we talked about your excessive tendency to worry?" I shoot back and go back to burning a hole in the box across the way. With a chuckle, Steve lowers himself in the way of my stare. I roll my eyes.

"We both know you've always been the worrier, Buck." He tells me with a soft smile. The corner of my mouth turns up just a little at that.

"No need to worry about you now, is there?" I ask rhetorically with a bit of a sarcastic edge in my voice. Steve knows better than anyone how much I struggle having a purpose in this new world. One super soldier from the forties might be welcome in the twentieth century, but I'm not sure two can fit.

Steve sighs and shakes his head hopelessly at me. "It might help if you actually spoke about her." He tells me quietly, blue eyes pleading and soft.

My expression immediately hardens and my posture stiffens. "No." My answer is curt and it's the only thing he'll get me to say on the matter. I shut my eyes and lean my head back, going over tactics and fighting techniques in my head to distract me. Steve sighs and I hear him get up and walk away from me. A sigh leaves my lips as well. He'll come back in a day or two and try again until I'm ready. He's annoyingly caring like that, always has been. The day you left, he checked on me every hour and got a black eye and split lip for his trouble. For a moment, I allow myself the torturous thought of you. God, you were always so damn happy to see me. Your face lit up with a wide smile just for me whenever I walked into a room. I can still see it in my mind's eye, that unforgettable smile.

"We're here." My eyes snap open at Clint's words and all light fades from my mind, numbness taking its place. I should know better, I should goddamn know better than to think of you. All it does is screw up my head more than it already is. "Feet already on the ground. We'll have to clear them before heading into the facility."