The Boy Who Made Flowers Sing

35 | Six Feet

It never ends well with drugs

It never ends well

It never ends

Never

Elena ran across the street, unable to breathe. She thought about the incident with Tarence, Kennedy's turbulent life, and Melissa's death. Was that all the world had to offer? The thought of Kennedy dying from an overdose almost killed Elena from heartbreak. The whole world was closing in on her like a box shrinking at an exponential rate. She thought she had figured it out. She thought everything would come together like a puzzle, but it only became more complicated. Her breathing was loud. Her heart seemed to be beating out of her chest. The pills in her pocket threatened her as she ran. She needed to feel something. Anything. The cool air didn't dissolve the numbness in her face. Her hands shook uncontrollably. Her eyes widened in realizing there was no more hope because she couldn't escape. Her breath got stuck in her throat. Her head was spinning so fast and she felt a hole in her chest that no one could heal. She stared up at the crescent moon and the Little Dipper constellation. The summer sky was beautiful. But, her life wasn't. She didn't need it to be beautiful. She just wanted some peace for a day. For an hour. 

She stood at the bridge she often went to for walks. She stared down at the reflection of the moon on the water and heard the chirps of night birds splashing through it. She reached into the pocket of her hoodie and heard an ambulance in the near distance. It was quiet other than that.

 She stared at the pill in her hand. She closed her eyes, frustrated. She wanted to take it but didn't want to take it at the same time. She no longer wanted to be a slave. She had come so far. She didn't want to relapse again. But her coping strategies weren't enough. What else would numb her unexplainable pain?  

The funny thing was that she was numb and yet too felt too much at the same time. She didn't know what she was feeling anymore. Her hands shook as she stared at the white pill longer.  She brought the pill to her mouth and hesitated. She was being selfish. What would her father think? What would Melissa think? And Oda? And Andreas? Stella? Dr. Jennette?  Andreas. How could she do this to him? How could she let all of these people's hard work go to waste? They spent so much time on her. Did she want to stay the same? Did she want to remain an addict? Did she want to end up like Melissa? Six feet under the grave? It was dark and cold down there. Would it be any different underground, anyways? 

Elena began to whimper and as if the pill were a hot rock, she threw it into the water below. She began to shiver. She horrified herself but the fear of death saved her. 

She sank to the ground and curled up in a ball. Her stomach twisted in agony. The emotional pain was worse than the physical pain. It was an endless cycle of despair. What would she do? She felt so alone. The whole world was quiet but all she wanted was to yell. Why was everything so hopeless? It was better when her father was there. It was better when Melissa was there. Why had fate brought her so low? What had she done so bad? Was she really that bad? Yes. She was the reason her mother couldn't sleep at night. She was the reason her sister walked on eggshells around her.

 What had happened to Elena? Where was she? How could she be so hollow? So fragile? A vase shattering over and over again. It was overwhelming. She was overwhelming. She was just too much to bear. So, she was bad. This was her punishment. And if she didn't swallow the pill today, would she have done it tomorrow? Next week? Elena felt so powerless and powerful at the same time. She had the power to end her life. No one was stopping her. No one was on this bridge. And yet, she was so powerless she couldn't find the light in the world.

If Andreas were here, he'd know exactly what to say to her.

Show me the way, Elena thought to herself. Please. I'm begging you.

"Please," She whispered aloud to herself on the cold bridge, her cold tears slipping down her chin.