The Boy Who Made Flowers Sing

58 | How Much More?

It was Aleppo. And Aleppo to Gaziantep. Six hours in total. They rode in silence. No one had the appetite to eat. Amal was sleeping in Elena's lap. Elena tried to sleep as Latif drove the car, but the bumpy road made it hard to. Elena looked at the posters and graffiti along the way all mocking the government. They stopped at a traffic light where a giant picture of Bashar Al Assad was plastered on a billboard. Elena stared at it for a couple of seconds. His eyes communicated contempt. She stared at it longer until she could hear his voice in her head saying, "Look what you've done."

************

They had arrived at the orphanage in Turkey. It was twice as big as Aziza's and adorned with golden lights. Aziza's father didn't like to call it an orphanage; he called it a royal palace for special children. It really was one. 

The children gasped when they saw it. A tall, thin woman in a loosely tied, yellow hijab greeted them and escorted them all to their rooms. Elena was ready to sleep. She wanted to sleep all her worries away. Amal was whining in her grandfather's lap as he tried to bounce her up and down to make her laugh amidst her crying. Nasima and Farida, the main caretakers, took care of Amal and the children, providing their food and fresh, warm clothes. 

It was about 10:00 PM at night. Elena went into her assigned room and melted into the soft, white sheets that welcomed her. She was too tired to think about anything. She was hoping fatigue would lull her into a gentle rest.

*************

Elena stared out the dusty window watching patients and nurses skitter in and out of the hospital. She focused on a man who was smoking a cigarette a couple of feet away beside another man playing the guitar. She looked back at her father who had just woken up from a nap. He smiled at Elena through his pain.

"Good morning," Elena beamed at him.

"Morning," He said, warmly smiling at his daughter.

"I'll get you some water," Elena said, getting up from the chair and going to the patient's kitchen area.

As she filled up the bottle, Elena stared at the painting on the hospital wall. It was a flower that was wilting away. It was made by a former patient who had died from their cancer a couple of years ago in this ward. Something about the painting made Elena frown and observe it for a long time. The ruby red petals were slowly withering away, falling to the ground. Elena counted and saw nine more petals left, but barely holding onto the flower's stem. 

Suddenly, Elena felt water going down her arm and she realized the water was pooling on the floor. She quickly grabbed some paper towels and cleaned it up. When she looked up, she saw Amir standing at the doorway. Elena dropped the water bottle in shock as she stared at the boy smiling at him. A nurse walked by and started laughing at her. Elena frowned and turned to look at the nurse.

"You did that to him," She said to her, pointing.

The nurse shook her head.

"How could you be so cruel?" The nurse asked in disbelief.

Suddenly, the hospital disappeared and Elena appeared in the woods. She heard her father's voice calling out to her, but couldn't figure out where it was coming from. She saw Papa Bois and his piercing black eyes before he disappeared into the woods. She ran after him. Elena followed the deer until it reached an opening in the forest. Her father's voice faded. Amir was standing there again and this time, his back was facing hers. A poster of Bashar Al Assad with a red "X" was taped to his shirt. When he turned around, Elena saw blood pooling from his mouth and stomach. He fell forward onto his face.

*********************

Elena screamed.  It was 2:00 AM in the morning and she was drenched in sweat. She sat up in bed and took short, quick breaths. She wiped the sweat off of her cold, pale face and realized she was trembling. Elena shuddered as she envisioned Amir's frail body and his limp legs as she had picked him up. Elena began to whimper and she immediately turned the lamp on, suddenly afraid of the dark. She threw her pillow across the room in frustration. Elena couldn't help but burst into tears.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. Nasima, one of the caretakers, slowly opened it.

"Are you alright, miss?" She asked in her deep, concerned voice. "I thought I heard a scream."

"I killed them," Elena whispered through her tears as she rocked back and forth. "I did this to them."

"Miss?" Nasima asked, her eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"I actually thought that I," Elena began in a quiet voice. "That I could turn my life around."

Elena looked at her reflection in the wall's black-rimmed mirror. Elena shook her head and bitterly laughed again, looking at her bloodshot eyes and unrecognizable face in the reflection. The shadows cast across her face made her look like a monster. Nasima watched her from the doorway not knowing what to do.

"And now I'm at the start," Elena viciously shook her head. "It's a cycle."

Elena shook her head and threw the other pillow across the room. "It's a cycle."

Her breathing got quicker and she leaned against the dresser with a sweaty hand.

"It's a freaking cycle!" She shouted.

"Miss!" Nasima shouted, running to her.

"And I thought. I thought I broke it. All these years..."

Elena's eyes widened and she stared at her reflection longer.

"Look what I did, Aziza."

"I failed!" Elena shouted into the dim room. "I told you I'd protect the children and I failed!"

Elena sank down to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. Nasima crouched beside her and put her arm around her shoulders.

"I failed," She repeated, shuddering and whimpering, rocking back and forth like a madwoman.

"Now, now," Nasima tried to console her.

Amir used to bring flowers to her every day. And then he withered away like one, silently letting his petals fall without anyone knowing. Elena looked out the window at the gibbous moon.

"How much more?" Elena asked Nasima in a small voice.

Nasima shook her head with tears in her eyes. "No one knows. La ahad."

Her head throbbed in pain. Nasima hushed her and pulled her head close to her shoulder. Elena felt dizzy but accepted the comfort Nasima gave her. She stared at the pillows she had thrown across the room. Elena had so many emotions that she didn't know which one to focus on. She kept shaking violently. Nasima consoled her further and rubbed her hand on her back to calm her down. She was so tired, too tired, to be angry or frustrated or upset anymore. Elena fell asleep immediately leaning against this kind woman's shoulder.