Ineffable- A Loki Fanfic

11

Clara woke to the sound of thunder in the distance, the darkness thick around them now that the fire had mostly died down. She had been trapped in a dream that left her breathless, angry and confused. While she tried to make sense of the images that raced in her mind Loki stirred beside her and she looked down at him.

'If only he knew.'

As if they shared the same mind, his eyes opened and he was looking directly into hers. She didn't even bother trying to hide that she had been watching him. He sat up next to her and put a finger under her chin lifting her face up to his which was now towering over her.

"You look.... sad. Why is that?

"Just a dream." She assured him

"I don't believe that Clara. Why don't you tell me about yourself? I practically had a meltdown in front of you and I am desperate to connect with you." The look in her eyes left him feeling very exposed and he looked away, throwing his hands up in the air. "Well, with, with anyone! But you are who I've got and I need this exchange to go both ways."

She rolled her eyes and looked away. "Are we really doing this again?"

"Are you really going to avoid it again? I have divulged to you, more than I ever have to any living being in the universe and I know virtually nothing about you."

"I never asked you to." She said smally.

"But I am asking you." He did sound desperate and insane but he was finally trying to be honest with himself and she could tell. Maybe it was time, but with the storm closing in on them she was sure he would bolt and then he would be at the mercy of the forest without shelter in this weather. As much as Clara told herself she wasn't going to be responsible for him, at this point, she couldn't help it, she wanted to keep him safe. Maybe not saving from being able to beat his ass herself when he pissed her off but safe from everything else. What a strange position she had put herself in. No, still not time.

"Why do you even care? What makes you think it's such important information for you to know anyway?" She was angry, mostly at herself but she was good at directing it towards him instead. Clara got up and started to walk away.

Loki went after her and grabbed her by the arm, a little too hard. "Because you have been lying to me." He said through gritted teeth.

"Let go of me." Clara hissed. Her voice commanded the sky. Just then a crack of lighting hit somewhere in the forest and the thunder that followed was almost immediate.

Loki dropped his hand from her arm. "A bit close."

"We stopped for the night too early. I don't relish getting back out but if we get caught in this storm out here.... It's not going to be good. Hopefully we can find an unoccupied cave before it gets too bad."

Loki, unmoving, stared after her for a moment before she turned and looked at him. The wind was picking up and she practically had to yell over to him.

"Either you're coming or not, I am not going to be responsible for you anymore Loki, but I am leaving."

"What do you mean responsible for me?" He shouted back. He ran after her, still yelling. "Why do you continue to lie to me and only provide me with the most cryptic pieces of information?"

"I haven't been lying to you Loki!"

"A refusal to tell me the whole truth that it's obvious you keep skirting around is lying!"

"It's my life Loki, MINE," She turned on him, "And I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation. Too much has been taken from me and I am allowed to keep something for myself dammit!"

"Perhaps you're right." He said a bit more quietly. The wind had died down suddenly and significantly but there was an electric charge in the air that tried to tell them that things were about to get much worse. Neither one of them was listening.

"But..." He continued, trying to stay diplomatic, "You seem to drag up my part in your story enough that it leaves me to believe it bears a significant role and I would very much like to know how that ties into my own story..." He looked at her earnestly and had no idea what kind of burden he was placing on her or himself for that matter. "Please." He added.

"You don't understand what you're asking."

"Exactly my point."

"Loki, I am a variant... like you." She looked up into his eyes and couldn't stand the look he was giving back to her so she turned and walked away as the rain started to fall.

"So all this time..." He called after her. "All this time, you allowed me to think we were on different paths and that somehow, my journey was my own?" The rain fell around them in vicious sheets. Hard and fast, whipping his skin.

"I told you before," She yelled back at him, "You are not my responsibility. I took great care in avoiding you and you show up anyway! I had... have... no obligations to you."

"What do you mean you tried to avoid me? You knew I was here? On this planet?!." She ignored him and kept walking.

"Then why?! Why save me from the wraith?" He continued....

"It would have killed me too."

"Why show me even a glimmer of kindness?"

"I'm not a complete ass, like you."

"Debatable.... Why wake me when you could have left without me so many times and been rid of me? Why bother with any of it?!" He was screaming through the growing storm, hoping his words hit where they needed to.

"Because," She turned to him, staring daggers into him, "For whatever reason someone," She pointed up at the sky in reference to the moon, "Told me it was necessary for us to work together and stupidly I believed them. I believed them because they gave me something and I owed them." Clara gestured for him to follow her "Ugh! Come on, there is a cave over there, I can see it, we can finish this there."

"So, it's all just one big favor, keeping me alive, pretending to care about me at all?" He tried not to sound hurt, but he was never really good at that.

"No, you idiot!" She threw her hand up in the air and another crack of lighting landed nearby.

She continued, "No. I became grateful for you, as infuriating as you are sometimes. I became grateful that I didn't have to process this alone anymore. I protected you because I felt sorry for you," Loki scoffed at this, "Not because you aren't capable or strong, but because I knew your every feeling! They are the same as mine." She had walked a good distance from him, just a few feet from the mouth of the cave and they were practically screaming at one another.

"Then why," Loki pleaded, "Why make me think I was alone?" His voice broke.

"I was scared! Loki... I'm not just a variant..." She looked back at him, tears in her eyes, obscured by the rain, and he stopped in his tracks. "Loki, I .... I'm,"

The next flash of lightning was so intense it knocked Loki flat on his ass, sliding him back a few feet. For a moment, he thought that Clara had been hit, she looked frozen, but then he heard the crack.

There was a mountain of a tree just behind her that caught his eye, it seemed to be reaching for her. When he realized what was happening .... "MOVE!" The thunder overhead was deafening and drowned him out, she was still in shock, unable to process his words or what was going on around her.

Loki pushed off the ground, letting adrenaline take him. Everything happened in slow motion. His feet dug into the mud, propelling him forward, a horrible thought blinked in his mind 'I'm not going to make it.'