Ineffable- A Loki Fanfic

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A few hours passed by, and Loki woke up in a cold sweat. His eyes shot open and pain shot up his side. He went to shift slightly and realized Clara and himself had become entangled while sleeping. The pain in his side ended up being her arm on his wound. He stifled a groan, or maybe a scream if he was being honest with himself, and gently brought her arm up to his chest, cradling her hand in his. After a few minutes of slow, deep breathing his pain began to subside. He took this time to stare at her features, seemed like a good time to get to know them. Mostly, they were soft, but her edges were worn. Clara slept with her jaw tight and there were lines in her complexion that were born out of the lengths she took to survive out here and her bones were sharp under her skin.

'How did you come to be here?' He wondered.

As if she could read his mind, her body inched ever so much closer to him and her eyes fluttered open.

Without much thought, another bubble burst between them and their lips met. The fury of the first time wasn't present but the passion seemed to be amplified. She was careful with him, working around his injury to softly caress his opal skin. Loki swept a hand behind her head, pulling her in, he needed to be nearer to her. His hips glued themselves to hers, moving only far enough away for just long enough for each of them to slip off their pants, then immediately coming back together like magnets. Ecstasy escaped her lips as Loki moved down her neck with his tongue. Clara grabbed him by the hips and pulled him up above her. Loki stopped kissing her and stared directly into her eyes, the lightning outside illuminating them to their core causing the bright green to burn into her, making sure this is really what she wanted. Clara gave him a tiny nod and guided him into her. Loki inhaled sharply as he filled her, he had never needed anything more than he needed to be as far inside her as possible, they would never be close enough. Their hips rocked into one another as every inch of her dripped with pleasure, each breath between them rose and fell in sync, and there was a desperate movement in their bodies. As she pressed into him she felt for the first time in her life, that she could remember, in complete control.

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Morning came, and went while Loki and Clara slept soundlessly in each other's arms. There wasn't much of a difference between morning and midnight in this weather but it was dangerous to lose track of time in this world, Clara knew that. Still, the bliss she felt when she first opened her eyes, curled up in Loki's embrace, felt entirely worth it so she let herself go back to sleep. It was warm there, soft, and best of all, it felt safe. She hadn't felt safe like this in ... well... ever.

This went on for three days, more or less. They slept late into the afternoon, spent the evenings enjoying intelligent conversation and in the dead of night, they would let passion wake them.

Sometimes Loki would get lost in the embers of their fires and she would try and see what he saw. Once or twice she thought she almost could. Like a swath of watercolor paintings, Asgard, or what she imagined it to be, would appear above his head and she watched as he replayed his memories for her. He always gave her a sad smile when he noticed her watching him, she never looked away or pretended she hadn't been looking, trying to figure him out. Clara thought it was important for her to acknowledge him as he worked through his trauma. She was probably one of the first people he had ever let his guard down in front of and she wanted him to trust that he could continue to do that and maybe even let in more people one day.

Clara had no idea how she let herself become so vulnerable to another human, let alone this one. Well, she supposed he wasn't really human, but still, to be so open with another creature was giving her a life she thought she would never have. Or maybe it was a life she had lived once but since it was taken from her she would never know, or so she thought.

It terrified her, and when she stopped to think about how she came to this planet in the first place, a pang of guilt washed through her. It was time to tell him. She should have told him from the beginning but, it wasn't until their connection became so... cemented, that she thought she needed to. They were supposed to be temporary companions after all on some vague mission from a vague voice in the sky.

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Loki was starting to realize how much time he spent in his own head. He could feel Clara's eyes on him but he couldn't pull himself away from his thoughts. They seemed too important to ignore like he was working towards something important by reliving certain things. Mostly sat there trying not to feel unworthy, like he had so much of his former life. Trust was always, for the weak, as far as he was concerned. His brother trusted him time and time again and look how he always managed to screw that up. That had always been enough proof for him that trust was for fools. Was he really capable of more with true free will.... compassion, and even, lo....

"Loki?" Clara sat up, creating a noticeable distance between them, her bare back turned toward him.

"What is it that's on your mind?" Loki absentmindedly created brush strokes on her back with his delicate touch.

She shook him off nervously and turned to look at him.

"It's about my past, and why I came to this planet. I tried to tell you before, but well... near death experiences tend to cause me to go off script."

"It does not matter. None of that matters." Loki decided that whatever her reasons had been, keeping him in the dark about her, they were hers and he was, as she would say, being a true ass about it.

"No, it matters a lot. It's hard to explain but it's something you need to hear."

Loki sat up, so that his face was even with hers.

"There is nothing I need to hear. Not with what we've created for ourselves here. I seek no other knowledge than what your lips will taste like today. He leaned into her, closing the space between their mouths with a velvet kiss but she pushed away.

"Ok Don Juan, slow your roll. You don't understand, That is exactly why I need to tell you this. It has everything to do with us... here, and I should have told you days, no weeks ago! You were right to give me a hard time about not opening up to you before."

Loki places a finger firmly on her lips, silencing her. "I'll hear no more of this." He said playfully.

"Loki this isn't a joke!" Clara jumped up from her place next to him and walked to the cave entrance, pulling her blanket tight about her. The rain was light now, steady but there was no more lightning, only a distant rumble, telling her that the storm was ending soon.

"Clara, you know of my past. Some of it anyway. Well most of it I suppose. What does it serve you to know those things? The only part of our past selves that we know for sure was even real was that they were scripted for us by someone else. It's not who we have to be and it doesn't matter here, in this place." Those words hung in the air above him and he wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure her or himself.

"Listen," She contemplated, "The rain has almost stopped, I'm going to go fill our water, see if I can gather some fresh fruit and give you time to think. When I get back I need to talk with you about this. Then we need to think about leaving, we've been here too long." If she had known how right she was, she wouldn't have left without him.

With that, Clara got dressed and before she left she paused by the entrance, "Loki, I hope you'll hear me." Then she was gone.

"You know she is right." Not Mobius made one of his increasingly rare appearances. Loki Ignored him.

"You also know that whatever you were sent here to do, it wasn't to play house in the woods. Your job isn't done yet." He continued.

Loki stared at the ceiling of the cave for some time, considering her words carefully, and Not Mobius' too.

"What future do we have here, really?" He muttered to himself. "We can't live a life, even a simple mortal one, constantly being hunted and if we go back, then our past does matter," He began playing out scenarios in his head over and over until sleep took him. It was dreamless, dark.

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