Ineffable- A Loki Fanfic

1

Loki opened his eyes, fresh dew sprinkled off of his eyelashes. The day had just barely began to brighten and the moon was still painted lovingly in the sky. Smaller than usual though. This planet's moon took up most of the visible sky when it was full. The slight pinkish hue gave everything the appearance that it had been dipped in strawberry milk. Loki despised it.

"Ekh." He shot it with a look of disdain. "Go bother someone else." It always seems to be staring at him, egging him on like in some strange dream. This of course, made him feel absolutely insane.

"I'm talking to a moon, and now to myself... this is not lost on me." He said to no one in particular.

This was day.... he didn't even know...on his new home planet. Well, he supposed it was his home now, he couldn't remember exactly how he got here and couldn't figure out how to get off. Loki could remember the TVA well enough, the movie of his life, even how he was able to hide from them in between timelines. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember exactly how he ended up here.

It was there, just shrouded, like someone was keeping him out of his own memories. The more he thought about it, the bigger his headache got so he tried to avoid it. Remembering your past is a slippery slope, especially when you don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

Technically, he did have someone to talk to but it didn't make his situation look any less pitiful. Mobius was a common apparition by Loki's side on this planet. He supposed it was serving as some absolution of his guilt for leaving him so suddenly. There was a lot of talk from Mobius before that point about not being able to trust Loki and just needing him for a specific purpose. Loki, however, in true narcissist form, called bullshit. He secretly suspected that Mobius was actually really fond of Loki. Of course, Loki usually thought people were fond of him. That was his glamour, pretending that people loved him. It helped him hide. He also suspected that Mobius saw through that as well and that was part of the reason that he actually did like Loki.

"I would have kissed you, you know. Had you asked." It was a tease, simple enough, though not entirely untrue. While Loki thought he considered Mobius a friend, he didn't really understand the dynamics of a friendship, it being the only one he really ever had, and knew they probably would have ended up as much more in another lifetime.

"Kissed me? Why in the world would I have asked for that." The fact that Mobius didn't fall in step with this fantasy confused Loki even more. Clearly, he was something constructed of his own mind, a ... Not Mobius, if you will, but there was so much contradiction in their conversations that he really had to wonder if he came from his mind at all.

"I suspect a lot of people want to kiss me. My godly status and all."

Not Mobius rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. But you know, you're not much of a god out here are you?"

"I am the same amount of god, beg your pardon, just a lot less .... with the tricks."

"Well, you better start getting trickier or you are not going to survive in the wild."

Loki looked around, Not Mobius was gone. He was right.

The first thing he did remember about this planet was waking up in a creek, soaking wet, staring up at the moon. That damn moon.

Loki was stuck where he was, like it or not. He did not. Of course, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was waiting for him outside of the borders of this planet either. Loki didn't seem to have any magic on this planet either and was pretty sure he was no more powerful than a mortal man. In fact, he thought he could even be mortal here.

'Absurd.'

Although he hadn't gone as far as to truly test that theory just yet.

Loki woke as he always did, wet with dew, sore, tired and hungry. It was time to play his favorite game. Fed or dead? A game where he picks whatever fruit or substance resembling food he could find and see if it would poison him or nourish him. He was actually pretty good at this game as he spent much of his childhood exploring Asgard, learning about the mystery of the wild by himself.

Often, his thoughts lingered on the last he saw of his brother. New York. It felt like someone else's dream, so far away and unreachable.

"If he could see me now." Loki thought, slightly amused, slightly horrified.

He was a lousy hunter, as it turns out. Thor was, of course, not. In fact, he had discovered that he had no basic survival skills without magic. It didn't help that he felt like the only soul on this planet. He hadn't come across one settled area to steal from or charm his way into since he first arrived and was beginning to feel entirely alone. He had been here at least a couple weeks, although he wasn't keeping track of the days. There didn't seem much pont and he quickly lost interest in most things the longer he was alone.

The apathy he felt towards anything he once coveted, power and control mainly, was growing stronger and stronger. Of course to be truthful, once he realized how his life had played out, at the whims of others, he wasn't so sure that those values were anything he truly ever coveted in the first place.

Another, slightly more terrifying, new thing for him was that he was becoming increasingly afraid. Afraid of being alone and afraid of losing important pieces of himself that connected him to his past. Again, that buzzword ''mortality' hissed in his ear. But, even with those fears, here on this planet, away from authority and predetermined purpose, his life was random and purely chaotic for the first time. And that was something he wasn't willing to give up. He still seemed to thrive off of chaos at least.

Luckily, today he had managed to find a familiar fruit and even catch a fish.

"Ha! Ha ha, I AM soooo good at this. Of course I am good at this. Look at me. I am a GOD!" Energized with delirious humor, he climbed up on the nearest rock and held the fish up high. "Fear ME!" OK, so maybe there was a little of Loki the God of Mischief left in him after all.

After doing a terrible job cleaning the fish and cooking up his modest meal, he sat and stared at his pitiful fire picking bones out of his teeth. He reflected on the last few weeks here. Convincing himself that this was actually quite an impressive fire.

"A few weeks ago you were eating bugs to stay alive, you loathsome creature. This," gesturing grandly at the tiny pit of embers, "is a thing of beauty." He looked around with a giant goofy smile on his face, but let it fade fairly quickly. He sighed, not completely enjoying how many, out loud, conversations he had been having with himself lately.

"Well, goodbye feeble kitchen." Loki raised his foot over the fire, ready to stomp it out. "No, no. There is no use begging, I've made up my mind, you're finished." He paused, lowering his foot. "Now listen here, I made you! " voice rising, "I can destroy you if I wish." In ridiculous form, he stomped out the fire and manically put his hands through his hair, slicking it back out of his face.

Not Mobius chuckled. "Loki, I find it so weird that even after all you've learned, you never give up that hope of being like, the top guy. The one in control."

"I find it weird that I can see you and hear your annoying words but I can't hit you...," He took a swing and connected with thin air, "But here we are."

These breaks with reality we're becoming more and more frequent. He needed to find a way to live with himself, by himself fast, or he was going to completely lose it. Luckily for him, he wouldn't be alone for too much longer.