✓ | Forget-Me-Not ~ Fili FanFiction / Hobbit FanFiction / Fili FF

「 Chapter 49 」

During the night Ilèyn was further tormented by nightmares and bad memories that ate into her thoughts.
At some point she had given up wanting to go back to sleep and stared blankly at the ceiling.
If she thought about it carefully, she wasn't tired at all. She should be exhausted, but she didn't want to show exhaustion. She should be sad, but she didn't want to show sadness. She should have to do so much that she didn't want.
The hours of the night dragged on, tougher than anything else. Ilèyn didn't know when the day would break, what time it was, or when she would be brought to the ceremony.
Ilèyn didn't know if she would get through this.
She was afraid.
Of the ceremony, the great hall, the words that maybe would be spoken there, the many people present.
She didn't want to go there.
But she knew that this was the last chance to look at him one last time. To look at his face and be close to him.
It had never occurred to Ilèyn again to leave the infirmary and wander through Erebor, she had lay quiet the whole time. She was relieved to find that the blow to the head she had received in battle had probably done no significant damage. The headache had pretty much subsided by now and a bandage wasn't necessary for a long time because the wound had stopped bleeding. One of the larger bandages no longer had to be applied around her thigh. The gauze bandage that was tied around her leg was only changed regularly to let the healing ointments stay on the skin longer. The wound had stopped bleeding and the pain only came back when she tensed the muscle or jerked her leg. It was difficult for her to walk, but it was doable, if very slowly.
The only thing Ilèyn was very concerned about was her shoulder and back. Oin said he was confident about the healing, but Ilèyn knew how long it would take before she could move her shoulder well again. Until she could fight again. The thought of it frustrated her.
What was going on in her stomach... She didn't even want to think about that. She tried not to concentrate on it as long as she could, but she felt that she was grateful for it. A strange form of gratitude, one that filled her with love and painful memory at the same time. She was far from fully aware of it and tried to avoid any further thought.
The attempts to prepare mentally for what was about to happen failed miserably and so she waited like a convict who would be fetched and brought to the executioner.

There was a knock.
The door opened slowly and again it was Balin who came to Ilèyn. Bilbo was with him, the hobbit hadn't seen the archer again since she was brought to the infirmary. Bilbo quickly inquired about Ilèyn's condition, looking extremely worried. When she assured him that only her back would hurt and she would be fine, he calmed down a bit, even if he didn't quite believe her.
Ilèyn knew that the hobbit intended to return home after the ceremony in honor of Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews and not stay for the big feast. She also knew that so far he had only told her and Balin about it.
Ilèyn understood why he was doing this, and although she probably wouldn't have thought it possible not so long ago, she knew she would miss him. Besides, she couldn't blame him for wanting to be somewhere else.
"Do you need help?" asked Balin as Ileyn propped herself up on the plank and tried to get up. She just shook her head and Balin and Bilbo waited until she had managed to get up and stand. Ilèyn took a deep breath as best she could and nodded to the two of them.
Bilbo went to the door, Balin left the room past him, Ilèyn walked behind him. With every step she took, the pain from her thigh and back twitched through her body, but the last thing she needed now was people who wanted to help her or pity. She tried to ignore the pain and not limp as best she could.
She looked all the way to the gate of Erebor to the ground, when they reached the entrance to the Mountain, which was meanwhile as good as cleared, all the other people present were already assembled. Few words were exchanged, Ironfoot and his army stood behind the dwarfs of the former company, who had lined up in front. The soldiers made way for Balin, Bilbo and Ilèyn, who slowly snaked past them until they reached the others further ahead.
Ilèyn felt the many eyes that were fixed on her, she heard every single time someone whispered something quickly about her to their neighbor.
Seldom was anything as uncomfortable as this entire situation, but the moment she stopped with Balin and Bilbo next to Dwalin, Gloin and the others and turned her gaze towards Dale, her thoughts wandered much further again.