The Target

I have to!

Two weeks and two more cuts. Adam still doesn't know I started cutting again. Harry is staying over for three days because Adam wants to keep an eye on me.

"We're out of Apple Juice. Harry, get some pls," I called out before Harry left the apartment. As soon as I heard the door click, I ran off to the bathroom. Finally. Today I can feel it. I sighed to myself while pinching. Harry has been watching me like a hawk for the last day and I couldn't do anything. I think Adam knows about my cutting. Or at least he suspects it.

I come out of the bathroom to find Adam seated on my bed. "What were you doing in there?" He asked with irritation. "I- I- I uh, I was just- just peeing," I stuttered. "Amy? Stop lying," Adam said sternly. I froze. But I decided to stand my ground. I can't let him stop me. Harry's life is on the line. His life is on the line. "What- what are y-you talk-talking about?" I asked quite innocently. Adam walks towards me with anger. "WHAT? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I DON'T KNOW? This. It has to stop!" Adam screamed at me as he took my hand and showed me my wrist. His grip was hurting me and not in the way I like. "Let go. I'll do whatever I want. All my friends are dying and I need some distraction," I said in response.

"It's killing you. Why don't you see that?"

"I know it is. So what? I am gonna die anyway. So, sooner better than later."

"Are you hearing yourself right now? What about therapy?"

My head hung low. Adam just backed away in frustration. He ran his hands through his hair. "How long?"

"Ever since we came back from New Jersey," I replied. "I don't believe this! You have been avoiding therapy so you started cutting. Do you know how insane this is? You are dead if you keep doing this. And I am a fool trying to keep you alive," Adam scoffed.

"Adam, I know what I am doing. I hate this. I don't want this-" "Then why are you doing this?" Adam asked sitting on the bed, staring at me. "Because..." I don't know. I am using pain to suppress all my grief. I cut because I think I have to. "Because I have to. If I don't, I don't know if I would be able to handle everything that's happening," I replied. Tears are filling up my eyes. Ten months ago I was this happy person. With a job, a great boyfriend, and caring friends. Then, all that bothered me was my past. But now. I am a broken mess. Someone, who doesn't know her way anymore. Someone who cuts just because she thinks that everything that is happening around her is her fault.

"Ok. Yeah, I get it. But we have to find a way past this. You can't keep slitting your wrist at the first chance you get. We will find a better option. Until then, promise me you won't cut!" Adam said in a firm tone. "Adam, I can't promise you that. But I'll try not to." Adam looked sad. "Fine! You leave me no choice." I scrunch my eyebrows. "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I am moving in with you," Adam said. "What?! Why? No, you don't have to do that," I said backing away from him. "Well, you won't stop cutting and I don't want you to die. So, I am moving in with you, and there is nothing you could do or say that will change my mind," Adam said before getting up and walking out of my room.

No-no-no. Adam can't move in. He will stick by me all the time. I thought until an idea sparked in me.

I'll do it when he is not home.