I'm Not Gay

12

For the next couple of days, Alec completely ignored his phone, despite Magnus calling and texting him multiple times a day. He just couldn't face Magnus after he snuck off. Every night he laid awake in bed, just hoping he could fall out of love just as quickly as he fell in love with Magnus. He just wanted to be happy, but he couldn't be happy knowing he was disappointing his mom, yet he couldn't be happy with the lifestyle his mom wanted for him. Every night, these thoughts swirled around Alec's brain, confusion exhausting him until he finally fell asleep. 

Alec's 18th birthday came. He woke up missing Magnus even more than usual. He knew the warlock would've had him over for dinner and drinks. They would've danced and kissed and cuddled. Tears welled up in Alec's eyes. It definitely wasn't the first morning he woke up crying over Magnus, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. There was a knock at the door. Alec quickly wiped his face and said "come in." The door opened and Jace and Izzy were standing outside Alec's room. "Hey," Alec said, giving them both a half smile. 

"Are you okay?" Jace asked as they stepped into the room, sensing Alec's feelings. 

Alec shrugged, "I just miss him a lot right now. He would be so excited for today, like ready to throw a huge party excited, and he would've teased me for wanting to just spend the night together, just him and I."

Izzy sat on the bed next to Alec and wrapped her arms around her brother. "I hate seeing you this way."

"Alec, I'm sorry, but you should've told him. You shouldn't have just left like you did. Now you only have a couple days until you're going to be married."

"I know," Alec whispered. He regretted it now. He regretted never getting a goodbye or closure. 

Jace sighed. He hated what Alec was doing to himself and to Magnus, but he couldn't find the words to explain and didn't want to make Alec mad at him. Instead, he just nodded and said, "We'll see you for breakfast then." It came out colder than Jace intended. 

******

"We have to do something," Izzy said to Jace. 

"What can we do? I tried getting him to see Magnus. He doesn't want to."

"Do you think Magnus is feeling just as bad as Alec?"

Jace shrugged, "I see Alec's phone going off all the time. It's almost always Magnus, so I assume he does, or just doesn't understand why Alec isn't talking to him." Jace paused, "I just don't understand why Alec would do this to Magnus."

"I think I know what we can do...." 

******

Magnus looked at himself in the mirror and was taken aback. He looked very drained. He could feel himself beginning to petrify from the sudden loss of Alec. He didn't know why the shadowhunter was ignoring him, but it was breaking him. He was about to send another desperate text that he already knew would go unanswered when his door buzzer rang. The warlock snapped his fingers to put on his usual makeup, fix his hair, and change out of his grey sweatpants in a flash. 

"Who is it?" Magnus asked, almost surprised at himself for not using his booming usual greeting to unknown visitors. 

"Jace and Izzy," Jace's voice came over the speaker. 

"If this is about Alexander, then please go away," Magnus internally rolled his eyes at himself. What was he even thinking? He didn't even know if Alec was dead or alive at this point.

"Please let us in. We need to talk to you... to fix all of this."

Magnus sighed and buzzed them in. He snapped his fingers to make his hair fall again, his makeup disappear, and for his sweatpants and old t-shirt to reappear. He didn't even care, what was the point?

Jace and Izzy came to his doorway and Izzy opened the door. They both paused in the doorway. 

"Wow, you look.... different," Izzy said in surprise. 

"Why isn't Alexander answering me back?" Magnus cut to the chase. 

"He feels guilty for leaving like he did and can't face you now, because he thinks you'll be pissed," Jace explained. 

"I couldn't ever be mad at him, not for long at least." Magnus bit his lower lip as his eyes welled with tears, "I miss him..."

"Believe me, he misses you too," Jace said. 

"Then why are we continuing this? Tell him I don't care about him leaving. He's young, he makes mistakes, but that doesn't matter to me anymore. I just want to hold him again."

The silence filled the room. 

"Today's his birthday, right?" Izzy nodded. "Please, if you're telling him you came and saw me, tell him I said happy birthday. I don't want him to think I forgot."

"He's getting married," Jace suddenly said. 

Magnus was shocked, "He.... what?"

"Our mom arranged a marriage for him, to Helen Blackthorn, to create a link between the Los Angeles and New York Institutes. He couldn't bring himself to tell you. That's why he ran out that night. He thought it was a better option than telling you."

"I knew he was keeping something from me. I couldn't figure out what it was though, and just figured he'd tell me when he was ready."

"We're sorry you had to find out this way, but Jace and I have a plan that we think you'll like," Izzy said. 

*****

The day of Alec's wedding came. He felt more depressed than ever. Maryse was in Alec's room, helping him get ready. 

"Alec, you look so down. This is a happy day! You should be smiling!," She said with a smile on her face as she straightened Alec's white suit jacket with gold runes. 

"I'm just a bit tired. Jace and I had a late night," Alec lied.

Maryse smiled again, "I figured you boys would."

In reality, Jace sat around in Alec's room as Alec stressed over the day to come and how much he wanted to just escape and be with Magnus.

The time for the wedding eventually came. Alec stood in front of everyone, next to Jace, who held a pillow with the necklace for Alec to put on Helen to begin the ceremony. Izzy walked down the aisle, carrying an identical pillow with a bracelet for Helen to put onto Alec. Once Izzy was in her place, everyone turned to see Helen come down the aisle. She wore a gown that matched Alec's suit jacket. Alec looked at her as she walked. She looked about as stressed and sad as Alec felt. Once she was in front of Alec, she turned to Izzy and took the bracelet to place around Alec's wrist. Alec turned to take the necklace from Jace's pillow, but someone caught his eye as he turned. He stopped to look. Yes, he definitely could see Magnus in the crowd, but Alec wasn't sure if Magnus was really there or if he had just driven himself crazy enough to start imagining the warlock. His heart was racing and he could feel the pounding in his ears. A couple of rows up from Magnus was Maryse, who caught her son's eye with an encouraging smile. It was enough to break Alec from his trance so he was able to take the necklace from Jace's pillow and gently put it on Helen. The Silent Brother's explanation to further the ceremony droned in everyone's heads, but Alec found himself looking over at Magnus again. He was still there, which made Alec think he probably wasn't just imagining him. Suddenly, it felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room. Alec felt like his chest was being crushed; he couldn't breathe. 

"I'm sorry.... I can't.... I can't do this," he announced to the crowd watching him before running out of the room. Magnus tore himself away from the crowd to follow Alec, leaving the crowd of now murmuring Shadowhunters behind him.