I'm Not Gay

5

"What's up?" Alec asked.

"You and Magnus, what's going on there?" Izzy asked. 

Alec felt like the air was sucked out of the room, "Nothing!" he said, a little too urgently. Izzy raised an eyebrow. Alec took in the expectant and doubtful faces of both Izzy and Jace. "Look, there's nothing between Magnus and I, okay? We're just friends." Alec had no explanation to why he lied about his feelings toward Magnus. The words came out of his mouth before he even thought about it.

Izzy scoffed, "I don't think friends look at each other like that, but okay." 

"Alec, are you gay?" Jace asked. 

Alec fought against his mother's words that came back to his head. He looked at his feet and bit his lip, "Yes. I am," he mumbled. It was just audible enough for Jace and Izzy to hear. 

"Oh, Alec." Izzy threw her arms around her brother, "I'm sorry you couldn't tell us sooner." 

"Does anyone else know?" Jace asked. 

Tears came to Alec's eyes as he recounted the story of coming out to his mother years ago. 

Jace gave Alec a soft smile, "You had a crush on me?" 

"Dude, I was in love with you," Alec smiled back. 

It was Jace's turn to hug Alec, "I'm sorry, man, that's bullshit. You love who you love, okay?"

"Thanks, Jace."

"Ooo, Alexander Lightwood, going against the Clave," Izzy said with a huge smile. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? You knew about Meliorn and I, so I hope you knew that I wouldn't care if you're gay." 

"Yes, Izzy, I knew, it's just I didn't really want to admit it to myself because of what the Clave told us and what Mom always said to me. It's just hard, you know?" 

Izzy and Jace both nodded. All three Shadowhunters went back to work on their case. Alec was relieved to get his secret out, at least to his siblings.

*******

That night, Alec snuck out of the institute and went over Magnus'. 

"I came out to Izzy and Jace today!" Alec said excitedly as soon as he walked into Magnus' apartment. 

Magnus gave Alec a big smile. "That's so great. I'm proud of you." He wrapped his arms around Alec and kissed his mouth. When they separated, Magnus said, "I was just about to open a bottle of wine." He led Alec further into the apartment. It was then that Alec noticed Magnus was already in a pair of silky, paisley print pajama pants and a matching robe. The robe was open, and Magnus wasn't wearing a shirt. Alec was struggling not to stare at Magnus. 

"Something wrong, Alexander?" Magnus gave Alec a devilish smile. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

"Nope, everything's perfect." Alec smiled as he sat at the bar in Magnus' kitchen. 

"So, did you want to talk about this thing between us?"

Alec took a sip from his glass and nodded. 

"I really like you Alexander," Magnus said with a hopeful smile. 

"I really like you, too, Magnus, but..."

"I know, I know, you have expectations as the oldest in your family and it's against the Clave, but, Alexander, I've been alive for a very, very long time. I don't mind being your secret for the time being."

"You don't?"

"You do realize being gay used to be illegal right? If I was dating a guy, it had to be a secret many years ago. But I don't want to be a secret forever, just until you're ready to tell everyone who you really are."