I'm Not Gay

3

The next night, it was getting late, and Alec was getting ready to go to bed. Suddenly his phone vibrated. 

Come over. -MB

Alec sighed, but smiled before typing back. 

Right now?

It only took a second for Magnus to get back. 

Yes. Come have a drink with me at my apartment. 

Alec bite his bottom lip.

I'm already in bed.

Another second passed. 

Alexander.... please? 

Alec smiled.

Fine. I'm coming over.

He didn't look at his phone again. Instead, he got up, looked at himself in the mirror and ruffled his hair a little bit. The he looked down at his clothes: sweatpants and a baseball shirt, and decided to put back on the skinny black pants he had on earlier. 

When he knocked on Magnus' door, the warlock said, "It's open!" from inside. When he opened the door, Alec found Magnus stretched out on his couch wearing a shimmery, half buttoned shirt with dark pants. He had a drink in his hand and Chairman Meow in his lap. The cat looked up, saw Alec, and actually jumped off Magnus' lap to greet the Shadowhunter. 

"Hi," Alec said to Magnus. He blushed when the warlock looked down at the cat and back up at him with a smirk resting on his lips.

"Hello, Alexander," Magnus almost purred. He moved his long legs off the couch to give room for Alec. Chairman Meow padded to another couch in the room and curled up to sleep. When Alec sat, Magnus handed him a drink from the coffee table in front of them. Alec took at sip and tried to hold back a face. 

Magnus smiled, "Not much of a drinker, are you?" 

Alec let out a small cough, "Not, not really." 

"I figured, with your good boy, always following the rules attitude." 

"How would you know that?" 

"Because you are Alexander Lightwood, the son of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, heir to the institute. Every downworlder and Shadowhunter in New York City knows who you are, and who your family is." 

Alec sighed, and took another sip from his drink, "Great."

"Is that not a good thing?"

"You don't understand, Magnus. There's expectations for me. I have to be the good boy, I always have to follow the laws, I have an image to keep up." Alec was thinking maybe he did like the taste of alcohol as he took a bigger sip. 

"What expectations?" Magnus asked curiously, scooting closer to the Shadowhunter.

"Marry a nice girl, then inherit and run the institute until I pass it on to my kids," Alec said in a mocking tone. 

"And you don't want that?" 

"No. It's not me," Alec's head was beginning to feel foggy. 

"What do you want?" 

Alec thought for a couple seconds, "Nobody has ever asked me that."

"I'm asking you. I want to know what you want." 

"I've never thought about it. I don't know what I want," Alec said as he set his glass, now empty, back on the coffee table. Magnus looked at it in surprise. 

"Maybe you are more of a drinker than I thought," he said, looking back at Alec. 

"Not really, I just," Alec closed his eyes, "I needed to stop thinking about... everything." 

"Everything?"

"Yeah. Life, relationships, my parents, my future, everything."

"Relationships? Are you dating someone?" Magnus asked, trying to sound casual. 

"No, I've actually never dated anyone before, but I know my parents are going to arrange a marriage for me soon enough, because they want me to start running the institute when I turn 18 in a couple months, and they want me to be married first." 

"Why?"

"That's just how it works, I guess. It's always been that way." 

"Well, Alexander, I think you need to not listen to what everyone else is telling you and you should follow your heart. Do what makes you happy." 

Alec bit his lip, he knew he shouldn't because he knew he was pretty buzzed, but he asked anyway, "Magnus?"

"Yes, Alexander?" Magnus placed his drink on the coffee table next to Alec's empty glass. 

"Can I kiss you? I just want to try something. It doesn't have to mean anything, you know, if you don't want it to," Alec could feel he was rambling. 

"Shh, shh, Alexander," Magnus said, "Yes, please, kiss me. It's okay." 

Alec leaned forward until their lips touched, his eyes fluttering closed. Magnus took his hand to cup Alec's cheek. He could tell Alec was inexperienced, because his kiss was messy and unpracticed, but it was okay with Magnus. He was happy to be Alec's first. He smiled against Alec's lips when he felt the Shadowhunter's hands on his waist. Slowly, he moved his other hand to rest on Alec's waist and slowly began to slide up the Shadowhunter's shirt. He was not surprised by Alec's muscular body. 

Suddenly, Alec pushed Magnus off of him. His eyes were wild. 

"I—I gotta go," Alec said, climbing off the couch and walking out without as much as a goodbye, leaving Magnus confused. Chairman Meow came back over and hopped onto Magnus. 

"We'll get him, Chairman. He just needs time to come around." The cat purred in response. At least one man loves me, Magnus thought as he petted the purring cat. 

****

Alec collapsed into bed when he arrived back at the institute. He was terrified of the feelings he was having toward Magnus. He already knew that being gay was against what the Shadowhunters believed, and therefore against the wishes and beliefs of his parents. He couldn't help who he fell in love with, though. Alec smiled, fell in love. He knew it was way too early to say he loved Magnus, but he definitely felt something. He rolled over in bed and pulled out his phone. 

Hey... I just wanted to apologize for running out tonight. I really did enjoy spending time with you. 

Magnus must've been waiting for him to text, because the message was immediately read and Magnus replied:

 That's okay. If you don't mind me asking, though, what happened Alexander?

Alec thought for a few minutes before replying.

I'm still figuring out my feelings, Magnus, and what I feel for you, it's terrifying me.

Alec bit his lip after hitting send, already beginning to regret sending the message. Magnus was typing for a long time.

Alexander, I am four hundred years old. I have met many, many people, and I've had many relationships in my lifetime. Eventually, though, I closed myself off from feeling anything for anyone, because I realized that while I will live forever, everyone around me would die. That was over a hundred years ago. I went over a hundred years without feeling anything romantic toward anyone, that is, until I met you. You brought down the walls that I put up. You. I have waited a very long time for someone like you to come into my life, so I can wait a little longer for you if I must. 

Alec began to read the message, but another quickly followed. 

That being said, if you would like to schedule a day and time to come over and discuss these feelings of yours over a glass of wine, I wouldn't say no.

Alec read the message, a smile slowly forming on his lips, and tears welling in his eyes. 

I'd love that, He wrote back. But now I am going to sleep. Goodnight, Magnus.

Goodnight, Alexander. x

Alec left his phone on his bedside table and drifted to sleep with a smile on his face and Magnus in his dreams.