The Ember Garden

What the Heck is Reality

Sometimes I question reality
In fact, the reality of reality
Is it even real
Or just imaginary

We don't know the lives of those before
Neither of those after
In some time even ours won't matter
__

With a jolt, my eyes sprung open as something brushed past my face. I sat up within a second to look at what just slapped me. A leaf. It was a leaf that fell on my face. I look up to see the trees that were responsible for such a horrid awakening. The canopy was dense and only some rays of light seeped through. I could hear birds chirping a bit too enthusiastically and just knew it was early in the morning. Falling back, I took in the morning beauty with dew drops surrounding me.

Something wasn't right, however...

A cloud of confusion sat over my head as I realized I was no longer in the park. The canopy belonged to the neverending forest. But how did I end up here when I slept in the park. As I soaked in my surroundings, the cloud only became heavier and the wind couldn't blow it away either. I tried to recall what had happened but the dots weren't connecting. In fact, there were no dots, just weird scribbles all over. I got up and decided to find my way out. Unlike last time, this task was far easier and the trees opened out to the roadside. Stepping out, I tried looking for the park. I knew it was nearby and even recognized the area now.

I began walking in the direction where I remembered the park was located. I walked and walked, but with no success in finding the park. A person happened to be walking by so I quickly fixed my hair and walked up to them. Upon asking where the park was, I only got a look that told me I'm crazy. They answered politely though, saying this dry neighborhood doesn't have any parks. Now it was my turn to look at them as if they're crazy. This look made them walk away though, rather quickly that too.

Sitting on the kerb, I took my phone out of my pocket and started sifting through my contacts for Paige's. At that moment it struck me, this person was the first I'd seen yet, apart from the pale ghosts I saw at the park, of course. They looked like a normal person though and I realized I hadn't interacted with anyone besides Paige. Ridding the chain of thoughts that formed, I fished for her number. I read each and every name in the list, searched for it, checked my recents; only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing. Her number wasn't in my phone, even thought I remember her saving it when we decided to roam around town the other day.

Nothing made sense. I couldn't even say it was a dream because the day I came to this town I sat in the same park but now it doesn't even exist. My arms had scars from the park when I fell while roaming around to find Paige. Rust marks from the swings were still on my clothes and there flower petals and twigs in my hair. The forest didn't have any flowers so the pieces just didn't fit right. I was starting to doubt my sanity at this point. I left everything behind and ran away to a place that I didn't even know the name of. I couldn't be sure if the past few days were even real with the turn of events that happened, but somehow I was sitting here with all the fragments of those moments yet no sign of them actually happening. I didn't have the option of going back either and I hated myself for leaving in the first place. What would happen now was unanswerable; I didn't know what I wanted or what I was supposed to do. To make it all worse, I was alone.

Once again, I found myself wanting to change the past. However, I also realized how much I cherished my time with Paige. I wanted those memories to live forever and for those time to have lasted longer. My mind searched for a way to make it possible but ofc course, it wasn't. I couldn't even get myself to say I wish I could change the past. Every moment had led up to the climax of me running away and that led to me meeting Paige; I wouldn't have it any other way. My subconscious then came to a conclusion: I didn't want to change my past. The reason I never enjoyed walking down memory lane is because those times no longer exist. A price can't be set on those moments, when I actually knew was happiness felt like. Though I would prefer some events change but then the present wouldn't be the same. I'd admit the situation right now wasn't the best but I'd rather not change it, as it would mean losing the good times surrounding these moments. I'd give anything and everything to go back and see the world from those naive eyes. How could I hate those times if I wished to relive them. In fact, I hate how I cant relive them.

My eyes pooled with tears but I reminded myself that this was not the time to grieve over what I could not have, so I pushed myself up and onto my feet. I knew the way to the apartment complex where Paige lived so I could go there. With the string of thoughts still in my hand I set out to find the place that I had began to call home...