The Ember Garden

Paralyzed

Recap: I knew the way to the apartment complex where Paige lived so I could go there. With the string of thoughts still in my hand I set out to find the place that I had began to call home...

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The day peaked and hot summer air slapped my face, turning it red. I was exhausted but determined to go home. The battered soles of my Converse were no help in blocking the heat of the pavement, and I could my feet blister and bruise. I hadn't eaten anything till yet and could feel my body wearing down with each step.
With the thought of food, those very  steps took a detour and decided to find some food or water first. I doubted I had any money so I turned my pockets inside out in hopes of some change falling. Surprisingly, luck decided to be on my side for once and some cash dropped onto the sidewalk. For the first time in what felt like forever, I actually felt a ray of hope. I was overjoyed but my body did not allow me to physically celebrate, so of course I mentally did a victory dance.
I walked and walked, until I came across a store, where I bought a bottle of water and an energy bar because that was all I could afford.

Now, with new determination, I set out to reach the apartments. The wind started to form a slight breeze that made things seem a bit better. It was a long walk and I swore my legs would fall off at any moment.

Upon reaching the area where I remembered them to be, I realized luck was just humouring me.

There was no complex.

I stood there, dumbfounded. How could this be. I walked around the block to the other side, hoping I had accidentally come from the back side; there was nothing.

I stood back for a while, scratching my mind to understand this. I glanced at my surroundings to try and reorientate myself. The surrounding buildings were just as I remembered them. The same as I knew them to be, but there was nothing where the apartments should have been. It was literally just a barren block of land; no trees or grass or anything was present. It seriously looked as if someone had just lifted the whole complex and ran away with it, but who could.
It made no sense as to how such a huge area filled with buildings and sidewalks and people could just disappear. I couldn't believe my eyes. Maybe it was the hunger or dehydration getting to me. Who would know, there's a million possibilities as to what could be wrong with me. Taking a few steps back, I sat down on the kerb and once again began doubting my sanity.
I very clearly remembered the path to this place and how it should have looked but this was just incomprehensible. The sudden realization struck that I now had nowhere to go. My heart pounded against my ribcage in slow-motion. Just when I thought matters couldn't become worse, this happens. I was clueless of what my next steps should be now. Before, I knew that I had to find Paige or go home but now there was nothing I could think of doing. I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do and nowhere I could go. Neither could I help myself, nor was anyone there to help me.

I made up my mind to do what I always had. To pretend everything is alright when it really never was. I began to roam around and clear my mind for a while. Along the way I had a eureka moment and opened maps on my phone and pinned the address of the apartments. However, it gave no result. I couldn't even find anyone around to ask for help. I had finished the water and the anxiousness was drying up my mouth. I couldn't remember my last meal and was literally starving at this point. I would've honestly eaten out of a trashcan if I found one. I had even sprinted through the empty lot at this point. (Yes, I ran through it in hopes of an invisible building coming into view or something like that). I found nothing though. Faith seemed to have remembered its hatred for me.

I was sick of it. I couldn't do this any longer and was beginning to lose the tiny bit of hope I had gaslit myself into having. I spun in circles looking at every inch of land, hoping to find something. But there was nothing. It was all empty. Maybe I really was losing my mind. My breath hitched and panic settled deep into my lungs , not leaving any room for air to be sucked in. A loud crack of thunder shook the ground, making me flinch. Its echoes made its way through my head, pushing aside everything and making it blank; blank and barren, just like the empty plot.

It was almost sunrise and I still had not managed to sleep. Not even for a second. It was like sleeping drained the energy out of me even more. I could have slept for hours but kept on waking up every now and then. As if I was asleep yet wide awake. So it felt like I stayed awake because I didn't realize when I had fallen back asleep and neither did it feel like I had slept. So when I woke up, the whole night had passed but I didn't feel it pass by cuz I was 'asleep' but it didn't feel like I slept either so it was just weird and it took me a while to get back to my senses and I just felt dead because I was now physically even more tired and my body hurt so I couldn't move either and I just felt weirdly paralyzed. Then it got even worse when I couldn't manage to come back to my senses. It was like everything was just a haze and I'm hurting all the way, inside-out, in every way.
I couldn't figure out anything. I didn't know what to do or where to go. So I just lay there on the pavement staring into the sky. The day passed by and I barely managed to process that and the next day passed by in just the same way...