Nagmamahal, Paraluman (Completed)

NP13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

THE REALIZATION

I woke up with a huge feeling inside me. I can't move my arms as well as my body. I can't open my eyes, even though I wanted to see where I was. I felt numb. I tilted my head, showing my ear, to hear or familiarize myself with the place where I'm lying. Blurry sounds started to become clear, like the sudden, unstable sound of a radio turning into peaceful waves. I can hear something.

"Ate, Kuya... hindi ko ito inaasahan pero lumala na ang pinipigilan nating sakit ni Muse. The test shows she has now an Acute Myeloid Leukemia, the most fatal type of leukemia," rinig kong tugon ni Uncle somewhere near me.

Halos mawala akong muli ng malay nang marinig ang sinabi niya, para akong naestatwa at naging bato. Hindi, hindi maari. I forced my self not to give in into this sh*t ngunit ang hindi ko rin pala ito matatakasan. Now it overcomes my body, hindi ko alam kung ano at kailan na lamang ako malalagi rito.

I opened my eyes, even though they were blurry from the tears that were falling like a waterfall. Humihikbi na ako at pilit pinupunasan ang mga mata ngunit patuloy lamang sa pag-agos ang aking mga luha. Tito immediately inspected me, asking questions about my current feelings.

"What do you feel, Muse?"

He hugged me tight cradling me as I whimpered loudly. Isinandal niya ako sa head ng kama at binigyan ako ng isang basong tubig upang mapalagay ngunit hindi iyon nakatulong.

"A-Ang sakit.. ang s-sakit-sakit po," nanginginig kong ani habang pilit na inaalis sa aking utak ang tatlong salitang lalo akong pinapahina. Using my fists, I hit my heart. Lalo pa akong natigilan nang makitang hindi pala ako nasa aking kuwarto ngunit sa kinatatakutan kong lugar. I roamed my eyes as I saw a not so wide four squared room, with a simple brown door. The whole room is painted with dull color; cream along with some flowers beside the hospital bed.

Mayroon na ring nakakabit sa aking pulsuhan na dextrose isama mo na ang nakapaslak sa akin na nasal cannula. I was like, again, in a scene where I found out I have leukemia. But the difference is that I'm not in the same location. I was surprised when I saw mom in here with her gloomy eyes, stopping herself from crying. Dad, who was also present, was silently watching me growl.

"Kung sisisihin n'yo po ako tungkol sa pag-alis ko noon, p'wes hindi ko po pinagsisisihan ang araw na iyon," ani ko habang tinititigan ang mga mata ng aking tatay. My heart is pounding, as loud as a combo drum, with lips shaking, trembling to say a word. Everything I am now is weak... I'm also paler than what I am before I got rushed in here.

Mom closed his eyes shaking his head. Pilit niya lang ako ngitian sabay sabing, "Kung hindi ka pinayagan, h-hindi namin makikita iyong liwanag sa ngiti mo. We love the way you were when you're got f-freed. We saw how your wings spread wide, being happy about her, finally being free."

Napatungo ako sa kanyang sinabi. Good thing Melanie won't see what I am now dahil hindi ko kaya. Lalo na kung makikita ako ni Salvador. I can't ruin his fantasia, lalo na't malapit na ang Grammy's. My jaw tightened as tito discussed something about AML, "Napabayaan si Muse, Kuya. Simula noong magpasko, paputla na siya nang paputla. Umuunti na ang mga RBC ni Muse."

I looked to him, can't even frown into this situation. Nang makatitig sa kanyang mata, he's struggling to hide what his real feelings are. I confronted him, "T-Tagal pa po ba ako?"

Then yes, I triggered his weakness. Pinisil niya ang matangos na ilong na mala-kamatis ngayon at isa na rin sa mga humihikbi sa apat na sulok ng kwarto na ito. I saw how their feelings rose like the sun rising for a new day. Nagulat ako sa hindi niya pagsagot. Lalo na sa ginawa ng tatay ko. I cried when I saw how my dad preached himself. Gamit ang malalaking kamay, paulit-ulit niyang himapas ang pader bago ito pagsusuntukin ng dahil sa galit at pighati. My mom tried to stop him, but all she got was a scream. Her dad screamed at her. Mom wiped away her tears, hugging my father from behind. Napakadaya naman...