Majestic

40.

"Having my baby fall asleep in my arms takes away all of my worries and stresses. A sense of complete and total peace comes over me."
—Maria Jose Ovalle

One week later:

Crying is all I could hear and I sat up quickly. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at Josh who was holding a screaming Zach.

"I can take him," A wave of relief washed over Josh's face and I smiled.

"Thanks. He just won't fall back asleep. I was trying to let you sleep longer."

"You should get some sleep babe. I can take the day shift," he handed me Zach and I walked into the nursery. I sat back in the recliner and hummed to Zach. I rocked him in my arms and just like his daddy, he fell asleep. I woke up with Zach in my arms and walked into the bedroom. I put him down in the bassinet and walked down the hall. I started making breakfast and kept the baby monitor close by.

"Good morning," Josh kissed the side of my head and I smiled.

"Morning. I'm surprised you're awake."

"Me too. But I just need some coffee."

"I haven't started the maker."

"It's okay."

"I'm exhausted."

"Me too," I plated our breakfasts and Josh sat down next to me.

"How are you feeling Addy?" I inhaled everything on my plate and parts of Josh's before I was completely full.

"Adjusting. I'm already hating being hungry all the time," Josh started to laugh and I shoved his arm with my free hand.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh," he kissed me softly and I leaned into his chest. We snuggled in comfortable silence until Zach's cries came through the monitor.

"I'll get him."

"I'll clean up," I yawned again and walked into our bedroom. Zach's face was red with tears and his tears soaked his onesie.

"Oh, baby boy. Come here," I cooed, "I bet you're hungry," I picked him up and walked back into the living room. Josh leaned against the counter and smiled.

"He's already getting so big."

"I know. I don't want him to grow up."

"Me too," Josh sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I couldn't have asked for a better moment.

***

Zach: Four Months Old:

"What do you want for dinner?" He opened the fridge and frowned.

"I forgot to go to the store today," I gasped and Josh shut the fridge door.

"Let's go out," I looked at him and pulled my hair out of my bun and felt it brush against my lower back, "My mom has been dying to watch Zach," I bit my bottom lip and looked down at Zach's sleeping form.

"I don't know if I'm ready to leave him," Josh nodded, but I could tell he was upset by my response, "It is really hard for me to leave him okay," Josh crossed his arms over his chest and I set Zach down in the crib next to the couch, "I can't leave him yet. What if something happens while we are gone," Josh leaned against the counter and ran his hands through the front of his hair letting it fall back into his eyes.

"Addy, I know you're worried, but those fears are completely normal. I just wanted to go out on a date. We wouldn't be leaving him for very long. Just dinner," I played with my wedding ring and Josh cupped my face in between his warm, callous hands, "He will be okay," I pulled his hands from my face and I shook my head.

"I don't want to leave him yet. We can order pizza," Josh sighed and picked up his phone.

"Okay. I'll order the pizza," I knew he was upset about not going out, but he has to see where I am coming from. I'm just scared to leave Zach. I'm not ready.

"Josh, I'm sorry," he shrugged and continued to be upset through dinner. His phone broke the awkward silence and he left the living room. Zach's loud screams filled the room and I picked him up quickly. I sat down on the couch and nursed Zach back to sleep.

"I have to go to the office," Josh picked up his car keys and left without saying any kind of goodbye.

"Bye," I whispered and a couple of tears dripped down my cheeks. Two hours passed and I was slipping in and out of sleep. Zach had been asleep since Josh left and I stood up from the couch. I stared at the front door and felt sadness cloud my thoughts. I placed Zach in his crib and walked slowly into the bedroom. I slipped on one of Josh's sweatshirts and felt my bare legs brush against the soft sheets. I checked my phone and the blank screen made the sadness explode through my body.  I slammed my phone onto the side table and let my head hit the head board. He shouldn't be angry with me about this. I'm trying to protect our child and he is not respecting my decision. I pulled the covers under my arms and rested my head against the pillows. I turned off my lap and all my emotional exhaustion lull me to sleep. I heard crying and I grabbed the baby monitor sitting up to listen to the speaker. I pulled the covers off my legs and walked into Zach's room.

"Come here Zach," I whispered and pulled him into my arms. I looked down at him and sat in the rocking chair. I rocked him back to sleep and leaned back in the chair. I heard the front door open and I looked at the clock on the dresser. Josh is walking through the door at midnight and my temper flared.

"You're home late," I started and Josh froze in the doorway.

"I'm well aware of the time, Addyson," I frowned at his response and he walked into our bedroom. I placed Zach back in the crib and followed Josh into the room.

"Please understand where I am coming from Josh. I'm so scared something will happen to Zach. I want him to be older before we leave him alone for the first time," Josh pulled his shoes off and laid down on his side of the bed.

"Addy, we haven't been out together in four months. I wanted to spend time with my wife and my mom wanted to be with her grandson. I'm sorry that I have been so mad today, but I wanted to be with you," I looked down at my hands because I knew I was scared to leave Zach for a couple of hours.

"I'm scared," he leaned up and kissed me on the lips.

"You're a wonderful mother and I would be worried if you didn't think about his safety first," I smiled and kissed him again, feeling my stomach fill with butterflies.

"I love you, Addy," I smiled and rested my body on top of his.

"I love you more," Josh laughed and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you most," his green eyes looked into mine and I smiled.

"Always have to get the last word," he kisses my forehead and his fingers draw circles across my back.

"You are absolutely correct," I laughed and he smiled, "I can't believe one night on the boardwalk gave me you," I kissed him again.

"It did turn out to be the best present I could've asked for," Josh pulled the blankets around us and I drifted off with a smile on my face.