Me

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by sagestilinski06

by sagestilinski06

What do you think of me?

Do you perceive me as loud?
As someone who is confident and happy all the time?
As someone who is rarely affected by others?
As someone who is proud and smart?

Well I'm not that person.
I never was.
I never will be.

I'm the person who only is loud with people I like
I'm the person who fakes confidence and happiness then cries at home hiding, all alone
I'm the person who is way too emotional I get upset by people saying some of the simplest stuff
I'm the person who hates myself for how dumb I am and how there is no fucking god damn way I'm going to get my dream job because I'm too stupid for it.

Saying this.
No one cares
I don't expect them to care
I hardly care about myself I shouldn't expect others to, right?
I just wish he cared oh god how I want him to care

He probably thinks I'm crazy and weird and dumb
He'd be correct but I just wish I could portray myself differently to him,
I wish I could be the happy confident smart lovely girl he deserves

But I can't.
And for that I will forever be sorry.

A/N: May the self hatred continue.