The Ice Surfer

Chapter 11 " You Know The What, Not The Why"

Fili opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light. She felt the soft sand against her palms, and immediately knew she was back on the beach.

It was lightly drizzling again, but she couldn't make out the thunder anymore. The storm had passed.

"I told you the tide here was rough." JJ hummed from beside her, a slight edge to his voice.

No shit, it's not like she almost drowned or anything.

"Yeah, I noticed-"

"You shouldn't of done that. You shouldn't have waited out there for so long," He interrupted, "Didn't you hear the thunder?! Didn't you hear me?! I called for you!"

His voice was raw and shaky, immediately sending a blunt force of guilt towards Fili. But still, she didn't understand why. Why did he care?

"I didn't hear you out there." She muttered quietly, but JJ wasn't finished.

"That doesn't matter, Fili! You should've paddled in as soon as you heard the thunder!" He said, voice raised, "I know who you really are! You're like a professional surfer and everything, you of all people should know when to paddle back into shore!"

"It doesn't matter now, I'm fine-"

"No! Jesus Christ, don't you get it?!" His jaw was clenched, and Fili flinched from his sudden anger, "People die in storms! John B and Sarah- they died in a fucking storm, and now they're gone-" He bit hip lower lip harshly, and his chin quivered- he was holding back, but Fili already understood.

He had lost someone.

With guilt hitting her everywhere, she realised she couldn't get out of this- because she really was in the wrong.

"I'm so sorry JJ. You risked your life for me out there, thank you. And, I- I'm sorry if I made you relive something- that wasn't my intention-"

"No, it's okay-," He said, "It's just- I got worried.. Not everyone makes it out of storms alive."

And it was silent for a moment, because Fili didn't know how to interpret his words. Apparently JJ realised that- there was more than one way to interpret his statement, because then he spoke again.

"You- you did too! Ophelia L'Eclaire, she died in a storm months ago! But now, you're here?! How?"

The edge in his voice was gone, new questions filling his mind.

Fili exhaled. She had to explain everything. She owed it to JJ.

Or did she owe him an easy lie- one that would spare him the horrific knowledge of what she'd been through, one that wouldn't get him entangled in a world of trouble?

But she knew JJ- he was like her. He'd see right through her lies.

She had to tell the truth.

"I'll explain, I promise. But I think we should go back to the Chateau first, you're gonna wanna sit down for what I'm about to tell you." She said, dead serious, and JJ scoffed.

"Fine." He started walking towards the van, but Fili caught up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"JJ?" He looked back to her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about your friends."

—————

They drove in silence, but Fili was screaming on the inside. How could she? How could she have been so stupid? She did the one thing she swore in her life never to repeat. Surfing had defined her. It was the thing that made people look her way. Surfing was her entire identity as far as the people around her were concerned. At least it was. But she'd left it, along with the rest of her past-life that night. The night everyone thought she died.