The Ice Surfer

Chapter 13 "Black and White"

Here's the thing- 

Fili never believed in the whole black and white concept. It didn't make sense to her. Everything had shades and layers, people were complicated. There was no inherently good or bad in the world. 

I mean shit, Fili herself felt like the walking definition of grey. Her mother was this pure soul that many thought could do no wrong, always patient, kind and loyal. Her dad, well, he was lacking in those departments. People like him  were always depicted pretty one-sidedly, especially in movies, guys like him were portrayed as this force of evil with no redeeming qualities. But real life wasn't a movie, and no matter how shitty her father was, no matter how kind her mother might have been, nothing was black and white.

Elodie had her moments. Sometimes the day would get too long for her, raising a kid single-handedly and dealing with her abusive husband while also battling cancer was no easy feat. Sometimes her bedroom door would lock, ignoring her daughters cries and her husbands shouts, and she'd shut out all the responsibilities for just a little while, because she in fact wasn't perfect. 

And Jason, he had his moments too. Some days his patience lasted longer, he could resist the normal flood of anger that ran through his veins. Some days he was kind, smiled at his wife and hugged his daughter, and Elodie could pretend for just a moment that they were a normal family. 

But they weren't normal. Jason and Elodie were both extremely complicated individuals, dealing with issues of their own that eventually impacted the family as a whole, more specifically their daughter. 

And when you grow up like that, exposed to all the complicated shit in the world, you tend to become complicated yourself. 

Fili took traits from both her parents, both the shitty and the good. And yeah, that could make things hard for her, when her fathers anger constantly surged through her own veins and she had to fight the urge to punch someone. 

But somehow, it was also a relief. It let off some of the pressure, even when everyone else expected her to be perfect, Fili knew she never would be. Cause Fili knew herself, she couldn't be this perfect little girl that was kind and sweet and didn't have a bother in the world, no. She couldn't live in black and white. Life hadn't allowed her to. And she liked that, it let her do stupid shit sometimes, fuck up, make morally questionable decisions without always worrying if it made her a bad person. She liked the feeling of not being inherently good or bad, enjoyed the landscape of being 'grey'.

She also knew most other people weren't like that, couldn't see the complexity in things, so when she did meet someone like that, it was pretty fucking refreshing. 

JJ for example, he was like that. When Fili had explained that she still loved her dad, even after all the shit he'd done, JJ understood. 

 He understood a little too well. 

To some extent, Fili didn't want him to able to understand. She didn't want him to be able to relate, because that meant he'd gone through something similar, lived the same nightmare as her, which made her blood boil. 

Even if  Fili considered herself to be this morally grey individual, she too had her limits, and those limits ended pretty quickly when it came to the people she cared about. Sure, she could take a beating from her father, accept it even, because it was for her. She was the one getting hurt, which meant it didn't really matter. That was the shitty thing about this whole morally grey perspective that Fili took on. It blinded her from seeing what she deserved and what she didn't. Made her think that what her father did to her wasn't all that bad, since she herself didn't didn't feel like a great person anyways.

But when it came to her friends, the people she loved? That was different. They were good people, kind and loyal and deserved respect. Always. No matter what. 

That's why she simply couldn't comprehend why someone would ever hurt JJ. 

JJ.

Kind, funny, loyal to a fault JJ who put his friends before everything else, who deserved so much more than the hand he'd been dealt.

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Lol idk about this chapter i just felt like i needed to update.

Holy moly s2 was so good by the way, so action-filled, and every episode felt so full, like there wasn't a moment where i wasn't on the edge of my seat.

Ok ok, stay safe bitches, see ya soon!

xoxo 

ikeatoaster