I do - An ashaangi story Part 1 & 2

why can't i have you?

She walked inside his room with a bowl of fried rice. He sighed and sat up.

Siv: "keela varingala ila ingaye tharatuma?"
(You coming down to eat or here?)

Ashwin: "nee sapdu"
(You have dinner)

Sivaangi kept the bowl on the coffee table and stood there placing her hand on the balcony door. She looked at the moon.

Siv: "enaku ouru kanavu vandhuchu. Vara apo" she looked at him for a second before fixing her eyes on the moon.
(I got a dream while coming)

Ashwin: "etha pathi?"
(About what?)

Siv: "nama onna irundhom. Ipdi endha dhuramum namaku naduvula ila. Thayakam ila. Munadi mari irundhom"
(We were together. There was no gap between us. No hesitation. Just like the old days)

Ashwin diverted his gaze towards the moon.

Siv: "indha kanavuku munadi varaiku kuda enaku terila. Ana ipo. evlo dhurama poitom nu unara mudithu. Anaiku morning tha kadaisiya unga kuda irupanu terinjurundha nan ungala poga vitruka mata enna vitu"
(I didn't realised it before this dream. But now i can feel the distance between us. If i had known that morning was the only last time you and me have to be together i wouldn't have let you go)

Ashwin: "mmmm"

Siv: "sorry nan etho olaritu iruka"
(Sorry im blabbering something)

Sivaangi once again asked him to eat and started to walk away but he stopped her.

Ashwin: "inga va"
(Come here)

She suddenly felt the blood rush in her. She stood at the corner of his bed. He asked her to sit before him. She sat near him.

Ashwin: "ethuku anaiku enmela love ilanu sonna?"
(Why you said you didn't love me that day?)

Siv: "athu.."
(Because..)

Ashwin: "enmela love ilaya? Enkuda happy ah ilaya? Apo elam"
(Didn't you loved me? You weren't happy with me? Those days)

Sivaangi couldn't open her mouth to talk. The pain they both had that day revisited them now. So much pain in their eyes. Sivaangi didn't know what to tell him. At the same time ashwin wasn't expecting the answer from her. He wanted to make her go away by asking all this questions.

Ashwin: "enkuda irukumbothu nee sandhosama ilanu sonna. Ne enna love panalanu sonna. Ne propose pandrapo teliva ilanu sona. Nan un life la irukarathu unaku problem nu sonna. Athu elam unmaithana?"
(you told me you were never happy with me. You told me you fell out of love. You told me you were in doubt while proposing me. You told me im no good for you. Is that all true?)

Sivaangi fidgeted. Tears rolled down. Hearing that from him made her to tremble because those words are now making her feel what he felt from the other side that day. Ashwin grabbed her hands. And kept it in his chest.

Ashwin: "unakaga tudikara itha tha ne ouru ouru vati kasta paduthara"
(This is only beating for you but every single time you are hurting this)

Sivaangi couldn't take it she tried to get up. But ashwin pressed her hands even more on his chest.

Ashwin: "nee ipo enna palaya mari mathanum nu ninaikara. Ana andha ashwin naala eni ouru heart break ah thaanga mudiyathu. Neeye mudivu paniko"
(You want to change me like before. But that ashwin will not handle one more heart break. Decide for yourself)

He released her hand. Sivaangi couldn't answer. She ran outside from his room. He closed his eyes and leaned on the head board. They both need eachothers love. But they can't come to a closure without sivaangi opening up with him.

She ran outside and knelt down. She took a deep breath. She wanted to tell everything to him. But she wasn't sure because now she wanted to substantiate her love for him again not to make an excuse and get back with him. She understood what he is making her to feel. She knows ashwin wants to make her feel bad for coming back to him. She have to be indestructible now. He is now playing with her mind. Sivaangi is now clear about what to expect from him in the process of getting back. So there is no point on being dejected. She stood up that's when she heard an alarm. She didn't know where it is coming from but from some where close. She walked inside the farm. She looked around it was still beeping. But the radium dial caught her attention. She picked it up under the coconut tree and turned of the beep. It was dark so she couldn't see it. So she took it near the light lamp. She dropped it down with shock when she realised she saw the same watch on vihaan's wrist. She looked around to check if he was there. But she couldn't understand why he would come here at this time. She went inside to check her messages. There was no text from him. She wanted to double check about this watch so she again went up to ask ashwin. But she remembered ashwin is not a fan of this type of watches. But while she was thinking standing outside with that watch in her hand ashwin opened the door and came out. She hid the watch behind her. He grabbed her right hand and pulled her inside. And closed the door and pressed her against the door. Holding her right hand between them. She gave him a perplexed look.

Ashwin: "paru ne ena enna pandranu. Thirumba ne ilama iruka mudila enala. Ithukutha varathanu sona"
(Look what you are doing to me. I couldn't stay away from you. Thats why i told you not to come)

He thought of playing with her emotions but his mind is playing even more crucial game with him. His mind fluctuated between deep love and deep hate no inbetween. As a man he couldn't hold out from her. Her scent is all over his room which made him come out. But after seeing her stand outside he became even more enticed. Not just love not just hate her beauty cannot be overlooked. That too as a fitful person now he is it is too hard for him to coherent his thoughts as a sober. He couldn't have her but the same time he couldn't dodge her.

But her thoughts were focused on that watch. In that distraction she couldn't see the close proximity of him. Without a warning Ashwin's nose tip traced hers. She closed her eyes. She got goosebumps all over her. Her forehead scrunched in cognizance. Her body is feeling something exceptionally sensitive which was unfelt for 24 long months. When he reached the tip of her nose she was spellbound. When she started to show a little coaction. He retreated. Sivaangi looked at him he is still closing his eyes. But a tear drop escaped from his closed eye. Her heart palpitated.

Ashwin: "is this too much to ask for? Your presence in my life? Why did all this happened? Why? Why can't i have you?"

He is now a fence sitter. Not every human work in a calculated way many take the wrong route without any guidance. But for him she is there by his side. She felt in her bones that he needed her more than ever. She dropped the watch inside the flower pot. And removed her hands from his grab. She cupped his face and pulled it closer.

Siv: "just stop this scrutiny for once"

He opened his eyes when she dragged him to the bed. She made him sit down. And she sat in the chair beside him. He looked at her.

Siv: "no hurry. just for once listen to me."

Sivaangi took the bowl and started to feed him. He tried to stop her but he couldn't. He just forgot everything and lived in the moment ceasing his rational thoughts. She realised that she have to just stay to change him effortlessly. After an hour they left the farm house. Ashwin promised her that he will go home the next day. She on the other hand is more curious about finding the mystery behind the watch.

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