Introverted Love!

Chapter 25

I tossed and turned, pulling the duvet over my head I tried to find a comfortable position but it was impossible. With the constant worries about tomorrow it felt like a swarm of bee's had taken up residence in my abdomen. If dad wasn't asleep down the corridor I would have screamed. Instead the tension built up inside me until I leapt out of bed and headed for the kitchen. Ice cream I thought, it's all that can help me now.

I chowed down on Cherry Garcia Ben and Jerry's but my mind raced despite the mild brain freeze. I was getting maried tomorrow, it explained why baba had been tearful but he had not said a word to me when I got back in from seeing Zack. I was scared, not of the upcoming nuptials but more the life that awaited me and I worried about whether I could fit into the role that had been created for me. I was touched that Zack could see my discomfort with how things had been playing out but he missed the bigger picture, it wasn't just the wedding being planned that I could not see myself in but the whole life that I was then supposed to lead. The wife of the next CEO, attending functions, auctions and galas with a permanent smile and endless small talk. Second guessing my every move and word so as not to make Zack look bad. A life deprived of my husbands affection because he is working non-stop. The more I envisioned the future the more lonely I felt.

Before I could stop them tears streamed down my face and I wiped at them with the back of my sleeve. I trudged upstairs and without thinking picked up my phone and dialed the last number I should have been contacting.

(Ring...ring...ring)
The phone rang out for a few seconds but just before I came to my senses and ended this madness, a voice whispered on the other side.
'Maya, is that you? Are you ok?'
I stood in silence staring down at the phone in my hand
'Maya...maya you're scaring me say something'
............
'Luke, I can't do it' I spoke so quietly I was afraid he didn't hear me as he sighed but just before I dared to repeat myself or explain he cleared his throat and spoke clearer this time
'Corner of Weston, bring a bag' he said clear and stiff like I had asked him a casual question about the weather
I didn't have a chance to say anything else when he put the phone down. Shocked I continued staring at the phone listening to the dead tone for a while until reality hit me. He was coming to pick me up, what was I doing? Why did I need a bag of my stuff?

I sat at the end of my bed, a rucksack open infront of me with essentials strewn about. My body felt numb and fresh tears fell over dried ones but this time I didn't bother wiping them I just cried freely. Deep despair hung over me weighing my already exhauseted limbs making packing my bag that much more difficult. I scraped around in the dark and couldn't be exactly sure what I was hauling into this bag but it would have to do. As it filled up my phone pinged and my heart sank at the sound, it was time. I tightened the rucksack strings and threw it over my left shoulder keeping my right arm free to open the doors as quietly as humanly possible. I crept down the stairs as beads of sweat popped up on my forehead and my palms became moist. As I approached the front door my heart raced so much that my ears began to ring and my vision became cloudy. My hand gripped tighter on the door knob but guilt consumed me.

If I walked out of this house now I would break his heart and I couldn't be sure he would recover from another betrayal.