Silence.
You can drop a pin and hear it bounce.
I can even hear the wind.
I can hear her soft breaths from across the room.
Today she's sitting down. That's progress, right?
On the downside, I feel like the silence grows every session. This is our fifth session in my third week of knowing her. We're meant to have two sessions every week according to her mom, it's like she's forcing the therapy at this point. And it's becoming very obvious. Brielle comes into my office silent every time. And she just stands. Stands.
When she came in and sat down, I was a bit surprised. I thought we were getting somewhere and I asked how her Christmas was. She stopped looking at my face and started staring at my wedding ring. I didn't even know what to do with my hands at that point. They were getting so hot and clammy. I didn't want to move them because I didn't want to lose her attention.
As I wondered what to do, I kept staring at her and I saw tears running down her face. I asked what was wrong but she'd wiped them and looked out the window.
That was thirty minutes ago.
Now, she's staring at the photo of my husband on my desk.
After a while of sniffles and sighs, she wipes her face and mumbles something. I don't know she's talking to me until she repeats herself.
"Oh, yeah. Yeah he's my husband" I answered quickly. I tried to hide my smile a bit. She's talking. She's actually talking.
"How many years have you been married for?"
I'm suspicious but I answer.
"Do you have any kids?"
My chest begins to hurt and my eyes water a bit. I forgot about my problem for some time. I did not have to be reminded, especially like this.
She cocks her head, patiently waiting for an answer to the question.
"Bree, I'm sorry but I don't disclose personal information just like that" I say, calmly.
She squints in disappointment and picks up her bag and leaves.
~
"Why didn't you just answer it?"
I look up from the onions I'm chopping and answer "I don't know, it hurt?"
Noah sigh. "Jessica, you can't keep reacting like this every time anyone asks this question"
"Well it's not her business? Why should she pry?" I sniff hard and try and hold in my tears. I hate chopping red onions.
"I'm sure she's thinking the same thing about you"
I drop my knife and move away from the chopping board. Far away so my eyes can get some rest.
"I'm different, I'm a therapist. I'm her therapist. I'm meant to pry. She's meant to tell me stuff. I really don't know what to say to her anymore. She's so stubborn. She won't talk, she won't even sit down on the couch. She stands for thirty minutes and leaves without a word. I want to help her, I really do. But she acts like she's alone when I'm right here with her. I want her to understand I'm here for her."
Noah sighs. "Maybe she really is alone".
"Really Noah? Really? She is my patient, Noah. I'm trying my best"
"I think that's really the problem and it concerns me". Noah shakes his head and goes to put the chopped onions in the pot of oil on the fire.
"What?"
The sizzling of the onions distracts him for a while. After that he goes to the spice cabinet to bring out a bunch of spices. "You treat her like she's only your patient. You make it sound like she's sick or something".
I gasp. I don't think he hears me, he's busy dumping different spices into the pot. The kitchen smells great.
"You come home and you rant about her like every other client of yours. I feel like you just want to reassign her to someone else. You don't want to see her as your friend at all. That's why communication is hard for you guys. From what I'm hearing, she tried today. She probably sees you as some typical psychologist, but she made an effort to actually talk to you. You know you can't force people to talk, right? She actually talked to you. It's something, Jess. She came out of her shell for you. Yet you turned her down just like that.
With what you've done today, I don't think she'd want to open up to you at all. Ever."
His comment hurts. It shouldn't, but it does. I go to the sink to wash my hands.
"Sometimes you have to change the perspective. Look at things the way you think other people are seeing it. I feel like you do this with every other person but you just didn't with her. I really don't know why there's a sudden change but you need to try and see things from her point of view."
The weird thing is I remember repeating something along those lines to him years ago. Now he's saying them to me. He's right, I've changed. When did I let my personal life affect me so much to the point it's ruining everything else?
YOU ARE READING
DELUSIONAL
General Fiction"I really don't know what to say to her anymore. She's so stubborn. She won't talk, she won't even sit down on the couch. She stands for thirty minutes and leaves without a word. I want to help her, I really do. But she acts like she's alone when I'...
