Running on Insulin

Chapter 38

"Sam," Jenna said, as we were eating dinner. "We met with your doctors today. Your Pediatrician and your endocrinologist."

Samantha stopped eating and put her fork down. She looked ready to bolt again. Like she thought she was in trouble.

"They seem nice," Jenna said. "But, they miss you and want to see you. So we're going to the Pediatrician after school tomorrow and the endocrinologist next week, okay? And Dr Freud on Thursday."

Samantha didn't say anything. She sat stock still. Like she was hoping we wouldn't notice her sitting right there.

"Sam?" I said.

"I can't go," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's not time. I can only go to the doctor when my dad says it's time to go. He knows when it's my turn."

"Honey, that's not how doctors work. You go to the doctor when you're sick, and you go when you're not sick to make sure you're staying healthy."

"No. Diabetics have to wait their turn. Because we take up so much time for doctors and so many resources we can only go once in a while. It's not my turn yet."

Jenna looked at Samantha with such sadness in her eyes.

"Oh, Samantha," Jenna said. "Honey, no. That's not how that works."

"But... but my dad said..." Samantha trailed off.

"Your dad said a lot of things that were... not right." Jenna said.

Samantha looked conflicted. She'd spent so many years listening to her dad and the lies he told her and now she was being told more or less the exact opposite. She was trying to trust us, but she had so many years of ... indoctrination? from her father that she couldn't be sure who to believe. My heart broke as she struggled with new information that contradicted everything she'd been told by her dad.

"But..." she said. "But the doctors make the rules. You go when they say it's your turn..." Samantha said quietly, more to herself than to us. "You don't make your own appointments, they call you."

"No, honey. No. That's not how that works," Jenna said. "I know that's what your dad told you, but he... he was wrong." 

Jenna was careful not to speak too harshly about Samantha's dad. It was clear she loved him to some point. He was her dad after all, and her only living relative. And until recently, the only person taking care of her.

Samantha sat quietly, frowning.

She looked up at Josh, a frown on her face.

"Are they telling the truth?  Can you just make an appointment to see a doctor, even if you're not sick?"

Josh was stunned. He took a minute to answer.

"Uh, they, yeah. Y-yeah. T-they're telling the truth," he stammered.

Samantha looked between the two of us still frowning.

"So, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow?"

"Well, I'd like for you to go, yes. If you're not comfortable we can rebook, but we'd like to get you sorted out as soon as possible.

Also, I think maybe we need to see about a dentist?  Do you have one?"

"Diabetics don't get dentists," Samantha said, less confidently than she'd asserted that it wasn't her turn to go to the doctor.

"Did you used to go to the dentist?" Jenna asked.

"When my mon was alive yeah. But when she died, my dad said I couldn't go anymore. Because I was bad and stupid, and then when I got diabetes. He said it was because I was so bad and now a dentist wouldn't see me anymore."

I frowned. So did Jenna, who then sighed.

"I'm sorry, darling. But that's also not true."

"Are you saying my dad is a liar?" Samantha frowned, looking angry.

"No, I'm saying your dad made decisions that weren't in your best interests."

Samantha frowned at Jenna. Her emotions were conflicted.

"But... he's my dad," she whispered.

"I know honey. I know. And you want to believe he wanted to take care of you. But think about why you wound up here. Think about how many times you wound up in the hospital because of your dad telling you not to use your insulin.  Think about what you told Dr Freud, and the police," Jenna said. "I can't imagine what you're struggling with, because we always want to believe our parents care about us, but honey, your dad, what he did to you, that isn't love, darling."

Samantha started to cry. Jenna moved over to her and held her in her arms. I watched as Samantha melted into Jenna. She trusts her, I thought. We're getting somewhere.

"I miss my mom," Samantha cried.

"I know baby. I know. And you can always, always talk to us about her, okay?  She's still very much a part of you, and we're happy to have her memories be a part of our family," Jenna said stroking Samantha's hair.

I moved over to Samantha's other side and knelt beside her, putting my hand on her knee.

"We don't want to replace your mom," I said. "We want to keep you happy and healthy, and we want to raise you. But we aren't going to make you forget your mom. Your mom is part of our family, too. Okay?"

Samantha nodded into Jenna's shoulder.

"Okay, sweetheart," Jenna said. "Think you can finish your dinner?"

Samantha nodded and we both went back to our seats.

"That was so beautiful," Josh said. I looked over at him, having forgotten he was there for a moment. He had tears in his eyes. "You guys are such awesome parents.  Kid, I want them to adopt me after that. You're lucky. You get a whole new set of parents who really, really love you. And I gotta say, I kinda like you a lot, too. Glad you're part of the family."

"Thanks... Uncle Josh," Samantha sniffed and smiled.

We all laughed.

I looked over at my wife and smiled. Samantha was going to be okay. We still had a lot of work to do, and so did she, but I thought, she's gonna be okay.

Samantha ate her dinner, helped clean up and took a cloth and wiped down the table, all without being asked.

She was helping dry the dishes when a glass slipped out of her hands and shattered on the floor.

"SAMANTHA!" I shouted, to warn her not to move, so she wouldn't step on any glass in her stocking feet. She immediately put her arms over her head and bent into a ball, shaking.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept saying over and over.

Josh grabbed the broom and swept up the broken glass. I went over to Samantha to try to calm her down, but she flinched from me. I'd just managed to undo everything we'd just accomplished. She was afraid of me.  Josh came over and picked her up to get her out of the kitchen in case he'd missed some glass. She started kicking and screaming to be let go. I felt like a complete idiot.

Jenna ran over and took Samantha from Josh and sat on the couch with her, holding her and speaking quietly to her.

I walked out of the room and went upstairs.