Running on Insulin

Chapter 40

Jenna's POV

After speaking with Josh, I went upstairs to talk to Tyler, hoping we could head off any larger issues. Tyler has always been so open about his struggles with mental health, but that doesn't mean he doesn't struggle.  And Josh said he thought Tyler might be spiralling because of the way Samantha had reacted to him shouting at her.

It had taken a while to convince Samantha that Tyler really wasn't mad, and to convince her he was trying to protect her. But eventually she understood that Tyler wasn't angry. Now I had to convince my husband that Samantha's reaction wasn't his fault and his reaction wasn't  unnatural.  That he's going to be a great dad and we're just going to have to navigate some of these reactions from time to time.

It was exhausting.

I went into our room and saw Tyler was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark. His hands were covering his face.

"Ty?" I said, sitting beside him.

"What are we doing, Jenna?  I can't be her dad. She deserves better than someone like me."

"Tyler Robert Joseph," I said. "Your first instinct was to protect her. From the minute she wound up in our back yard. Your first instinct has been to protect Samantha. She has trauma we can't understand. She's going to get through it, but it's going to take time and there are going to be setbacks. We've only had her with us for a week."

"What if I screw her up even more?"

"Tyler, you're not going to screw her up even more. You're going to help her heal."

"No. I'm not."

I sighed and hugged my husband. He was going to need to work through some of this himself. For now, I was going to continue to reassure him that he's doing a good job parenting a teenager with her own mental health issues and trauma.

"Tyler, you're doing way better than you're giving yourself credit for," I whispered to him. "I am going to keep telling you this until you start to believe it. I know this isn't you talking. I know it's your brain telling you this. But it's wrong. You're amazing. You are going to be a great dad. Samantha is lucky to have you in her corner. You're helping her learn to trust again."

Tyler put his hands back over his face and his elbows on his knees. He started weeping.

"Oh, Tyler," I said. "I'm so sorry you're feeling this way."

"Why are you still with me?" He asked.

"Because, Tyler," I said, a little stunned.  "I love you. And you love me. And I love everything about you."

"You can't possibly love everything about me. I'm such a fuck up."

"I love everything about you. Even this. Because I know this is going to pass. You're going to be fine. Samantha is going to be fine. You're going to be an amazing dad. She's lucky to have us, and especially you. Because you will be able to help her navigate her own mental health issues."

His crying slowed, but he still kept his face covered.

"Love, I'm going to go check on Samantha, get her ready for bed.  Why don't you get yourself ready for bed, too?"

He nodded and I gave him a kiss on the head as I stood up. I closed the door and went back down the hall to Samantha's room. I knocked and walked in.

"Sam?" I said.

"Yeah?" She said. "You can come in."

I walked in and saw Sam was already in bed, reading.

"Is your homework done?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm just finishing this book," she said, holding up her English book.

"It's that good, huh?" I asked.

"It really is," she said.

"Teeth brushed?" I asked.

"Yep," she smiled.

"Did you take your insulin?"

She looked away.

"Let's go. Night time insulin. C'mon," I said. Samantha got out of bed and followed me into her bathroom. She took her night time dose under my supervision and I gave her a hug and a kiss on her head.

"Alright, back into bed with you," I said. "Let's test your blood, okay?"

She nodded, got into bed and pulled out her test kit. I watched as she tested and checked the number.

"Is that good?" I asked.

"It's okay. Tyler usually checks it in the middle of the night.  Are you sure he's not mad at me?"

"He's not. He's dealing with some of his own mental health issues because he feels so bad about what happened. I'll probably be the one to check your sugar tonight, okay?"

Samantha nodded, but looked sad.

"Hey," I said, lifting her face to look up at me.  "It's okay. I promise. He's not mad. He'll be okay. Don't you worry, okay?"

"Okay," she said.

"Lights out at," I checked my watch. It was nine o'clock. "Nine thirty, okay?"

"Okay. I'll probably be finished this before then anyway."

"I'm very impressed," I smiled. "Maybe I'll read it when you're done."

"It really is good," she said.

"Enjoy," I smiled. "Good night sweet girl."

"Good night, m-um, Jenna," she said.

I smiled to myself. She'd almost called me mom. And even though she stopped herself, I hoped eventually she'd feel comfortable enough to one day call me mom.

I left her room and closed the door. I went back downstairs where Josh was playing on his phone.

"Everyone okay?" He asked.

I sighed.

"We'll, Samantha seems to be alright. She's not totally convinced he's not mad at her, but she's alright. I'm worried about Tyler. He asked me why I'm still with him. I really hope he's not spiralling, but with Samantha here, I'm so glad you're here for him, too. I need the help."

"Hey, you guys are family. Of course I'm here for you. All of you. Samantha seems like a really sweet kid. She's smart, even if she doesn't think she is, and she's funny. And Tyler, well, he's my boy. You know I've got his back. You know that."

"I do. I'm so grateful you just came out when we didn't catch you up on what was going on."

Josh grinned at me.

"You're a brat," I said. "I'm going to go to bed. I'm tired and I don't think Tyler is goi g to be up to getting up to check Samantha's sugar in the middle of the night."

"Okay. I'll probably head to bed soon, too. Don't worry about getting stuff ready tomorrow.  I'll get up with you guys and help you get Sam off to school."

"You don't have to, but I appreciate it," I said.

"Good night, Jenna. It'll all be okay."

I nodded and went up to bed. I'm so blessed that Josh is who he is.