Running on Insulin

Chapter 48

"Hi Erin, I'm Jenna," I said, motioning for the woman to come in. "Jill's just in the living room relaxing."

"Thank you so much for taking care of her. Not a lot of people know what to do."

"Samantha actually told us what to do, and we saw your number on her MedicAlert bracelet,"

"Oh. Wonderful.  I'm so glad we got that."

"Me too," I smiled, leading Erin in to the living room. 

"Hi baby," Erin said, going over to Jill. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but okay," Jill said. 

"How long was the seizure?" Erin asked me. 

"Two minutes," I replied. 

"Okay. That's not bad. No need to go to the hospital," Erin said.  She looked at me. 

"One thing I've learned raising a kid with a chronic condition is being extra observant and not to sugar coat things. So please forgive me, Jenna, but you look like hell. You look worried. What's wrong?"

I gave Erin a half-smile. She was observant. I sighed. 

"It's fine. Nothing to worry about," I said. 

"Mom," Jill said. "Samantha ran away when I had my seizure.  She told them all what to do and then she ran away. Jenna thinks it might be because she blames herself for my seizure."

"What were you guys all doing when you had your seizure?" Erin asked. 

"Well, Samantha's foster dad is Tyler Joseph," Jill said. 

"From that band you  like?" Erin asked. Jill nodded. Erin looked over at me. I smiled and nodded. 

"You're foster parents? That's incredible," Erin said. 

"We're in the process of adopting Samantha," I said. "But don't tell anyone, okay Jill? Until it's finalized, I don't think Samantha wants too many people to know."

"Okay," Jill said. "Anyway, Josh is here, too. He's the drummer? Anyway, I told Samantha that I've never been to a concert, you know, because of the lights and stuff. So Samantha talked to Josh and Tyler and they put on a bit of a concert for us. There were no flashing lights or anything, I promise.  We just hung out in the basement and they played some of their songs. I might have gotten over excited and that might have triggered my seizure."

"Samantha set up a concert for you?" Erin asked. 

"Sort of, yeah. Because I've never been able to see TwentyOne Pilots live."

"That's incredibly thoughtful of her," Erin smiled. "But I don't understand why your seizure sent her running."

I sat down on our coffee table and looked at Erin. 

"Samantha's had a very rough life. Her mom died when she was young, and then she was diagnosed with diabetes. Her dad was abusive, mostly psychologically until her mom died, then physically. He saw her as worthless because she's a girl.  She deals with a lot of issues surrounding those feelings of being worthless and useless and stupid.  And she internalizes things when they go wrong in her mind. She probably feels responsible for causing Jill's seizure because she set up the show with Josh and Tyler, and the way she may have seen it was that she did something good, and because nothing good can ever happen, in her mind, Jill's seizure was a punishment for her good deed.  We're working with her and her therapist is working with her, but we have years of abuse to chip away at."

"Oh," Erin said. "Oh. Poor girl. So, where did she go?"

"I don't know.  Tyler and Josh are looking for her right now. I just hope she doesn't do anything drastic," I said, worried, because I didn't know what Samantha was actually capable of. 

"Mom, can we please stay until they find her?" Jill asked. 

"Jenna, do you want us out of your hair? I can't imagine what you're feeling right now and I don't want us to be a burden on you when you're dealing with this."

"You know, I think it would be nice to not have to sit in the house alone. I want to be here in case Samantha comes home on her own, or Josh and Tyler find her or find something.  Jill, I have to do a load of laundry anyway. Want me to toss your jeans in with it?"

Erin looked at me and then at Jill.  Jill got a sheepish look on her face. 

"I peed my pants when I had my seizure," she said. 

"Oh, honey. That's okay," Erin said. 

I took the bag of clothes into the laundry room and threw them in with the load of towels I was going to wash anyway. 

It was nice to have company, to keep me distracted while I waited to hear from Josh or Tyler as to whether they found Sam. 

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Tyler POV

I sat holding Samantha until she quieted down. I knew she wouldn't be able to discuss what happened until she had.  I kept on holding her even as her shoulders stopped shaking. 

"Sam, it's okay," I said. She looked up at me, her face tear-stained. 

"I hurt my friend," she said. 

"You didn't," I said. "She's okay. Probably a little tired, maybe a little embarrassed, but she's okay. She was awake when I left to come find you.  And Samantha, no matter what happens, ending things is not the solution."

"What are you talking about?" Samantha asked, looking at me. 

"You know. Ending... things. Jumping off the bridge. It doesn't solve anything."

"I wasn't going to jump off the bridge," Samantha said, sitting up. "I used to come here to think when my mom died, before my dad got really abusive. I like to watch the water and imagine where I could go if I had a boat."

"Oh," I said, now I was the one embarrassed. "I, I thought..."

"I get it," she said. "You thought I was such a screw up, jumping would be a good idea."

"No!" I exclaimed. "I was worried that you thought that and that jumping would be a good idea.  I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to that conclusion."

"Now who's doing the jumping?" Samantha asked. 

I looked over at Josh, who was smiling and looking at his phone. 

"What?" I asked him. 

"Huh? Nothing. I'm listening to you, and you're awesome. I texted Jenna and let her know we have Sam and that she's safe and sound. I didn't tell her where we found her, because we don't need her jumping to the same conclusion when we can't explain easily," he said. 

I nodded. 

"Okay, Sam, are you okay now?"

"You swear Jill's okay? Is she mad at me?"

"Well, to be honest honey, I didn't ask her. I was more concerned about you," I said. 

"Jenna said Jill and her mom are at the house waiting for word on you," Josh said. "So I think that's a good sign that Jill isn't mad at you."

"Can we go home?" I asked her. 

Samantha put her head down. 

"But what if she is mad at me? I don't have a lot of friends, and she was kinda my first friend at school.  If she hates me, the other kids will too.  Adam's right. I am a freak."

"You know what," Josh said. "Being a freak  isn't a bad thing.  It's unique. It sets you apart from the rest. Own it."

"What?" Samantha asked. 

"Own it. If Adam, who sounds like a jerk, if you ask me, thinks you're a freak, so what? It means you're not some cookie cutter, boring, follow-the-leader type.  You're your own person. Let your freak flag fly!" Josh said. 

Samantha laughed. 

"I never thought of it that way," she said. 

"Now, can we go home?" I asked.  "This concrete curb is hurting my butt."

Samantha laughed, Josh put out his hand and helped her up. She put out her hand and her and Josh helped me up.  We got into Josh's car and drove home.