𝘰𝘩 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺𝘥𝘰𝘭𝘭 // 𝘥.𝘸

𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳

⁂

𝘬𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘢 𝘦.

"I didn't"

"I saw you! I saw you with her!"

"Babydoll I didn't, I promise I didn't" he walked up to my cupping my face with his hands. "I didn't, why would you think that? I love you" tears streamed down my cheeks, I knew he was lying.

I looked down not wanting to accept it. I didn't want to believe that he cheated, he couldn't. Aren't I enough for him?

"Why—-why aren't I en-ough for you?" I choked on my tears. I couldn't look into his eyes, it just hurt too much.

      I heard him sigh "you are enough, you're enough for me"

     "It doesn't seem like it" I muttered under my breath hoping he didn't hear. I was wrong.

     "Babydoll look at me," i looked into his hazel brown eyes and felt more tears roll down my cheeks. I felt him kiss my lips softly "I love you"

     I shut my eyes tightly trying so hard to believe him. I wanted to believe those words. Those 3 words coming out of his mouth didn't mean anything. At least not like it did before.

⁂⁂⁂

      I quickly sat up out of breath, I wiped the tears from my eyes and laid back down. Another dream. I needed to move on. I can't keep living in a memory, remembering everything.

       I took a deep breath trying to let my thoughts settle down. I opened the window to my room and watched the sky pour rain.

      I got up and sat on my desk, beginning to sketch some hands. I really liked drawing and I was actually really good at it. I took my time drawing each hand, adding the small details, from the wrinkle to the nail.

After about 3 hours of drawing, i decided to get semi ready. I put my hair in a low bun and wore a stripped knitted halter top with some beige corduroy pants.

       I took out my canvas to begin my painting journey. I didn't know what I was painting I just let my feelings take over. I turned up the radio letting the soft music play all over the small apartment.

A loud knock on the door broke me away from all the things I was doing. I quickly turned the music down and walked over to the door.

        Dallas stood there drenched in water "Hey"
I couldn't speak. I felt frozen or stuck in a way. "Can i come in?" I couldn't even say 'yes you can', I just stepped to the side letting him in.

        "How are you?" He asked me, he said it so casually like if we were friends.

        "I could be better" I said a little under a whisper. "Do you want water? Or something? Anything?"

         He shook his head, his face changed making it look like he got a idea or something. "Can i use a towel?" I nodded, quickly walking to my bathroom to get him a clean towel.

        Why was he here?

         When I got back to the living room area, he was looking at my painting and drawings. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

           "Thanks" I nodded and looked down. It was so quiet between us. It didn't feel normal. It felt awkward and weird.

         I broke the silence "You cut your hair"

         "Yeah, it was getting too long" he nodded running his hand through his wet hair. It got quiet again.

         At the same time we both spoke up.

         "Why are you here?"
         "I want to talk"

          "Sorry" we both said at the same time. God this was weird.

           "You go"

          I didn't want it to come out rude or anything but it sounded rude "why are you here?"

       He chuckled softly "I wanted to talk, I haven't seen you in so long. When I saw you at the coffee shop I had to avoid you." I looked down remembering the day.  "I forgot how — pretty you are"he mumbled the last part, I couldn't understand him.

"Why did you want to see me?" My heart pounded, each beat echoed through my whole body.

"Did you get my letter?"

"Yeah" I whispered softly, kicking the air and looking down as I did.

"I meant what I said" I nodded feeling the pool of tears ready to run down my cheeks. "I um-I just- I'm sorry, I treated you like that"

        I sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath as I let him continue to talk. "When I saw you at the coffee place Uh I treated you like shit, I didn't know how to react and talk to you after everything between us. I'm so sorry Khai" he kneeled down to my height in between my legs.

       I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to break down. Him breaking up with me was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

       "I'm sorry" I felt him hug me tightly, "I'm sorry babydoll" he whispered, my head dropped to the crook of his neck, silently crying as I did.

       I missed him so much. His sent of cologne, his soft side when he was with me. The old Dallas. The one that never treated me so terribly. The one that kissed me and made sure I was okay.

       He changed now.

        He wore a leather jacket and a white t-shirt or tank top, he cut his hair, even had an earring. He smelled like cigarettes. He seemed more cold then before. The smell of beer lingered on his lips. He wasn't the guy I knew anymore. He changed.

        We broke the hug-well he did. He looked at me one last time and left out the door. He left once again. The door closed behind him and I broke down. Every bit and piece of my heart shattered once again, the pain of him leaving knowing that he won't come back.

         It was like saying a goodbye. People cry while saying goodbye because when they comeback that person won't be the same person they knew before.

       I turned off the lights taking off my pants and shirt and laid down in bed. I hated feeling like this. I heard the music play very softly in the background, letting my feelings swallow me whole.