Lost thoughts || Ranboo angst

January

Quick A/N before I start the story. If you want someone to talk to, please, dm me. I will answer and give advice to the best of my ability. Also, each chapter is going to be a separate month and I'll write down certain days and what happens. Enjoy (or cry). Also, I'm making Ranboo 5'6 in this, Tubbo 5'5, and Tommy 5'8. Italics are thoughts. Bold italics are for when he's talking to himself in his head. I apologize in advance for all the time skips in this chapter it's just so that I can get to the main plotline I have planned for the book.

Song of the chapter: IDK you yet by Alexander 23

⚠️Trigger warning: blood, mentions of self harm, bullying, mentions of death, mention of eating, punching, kicking, panic attack, mentioning panic attacks, crying, intrusive thoughts, airplanes, moving houses, slight eating disorder⚠️

Ranboos POV

January 3rd

3 days into the new year. 3 days since I tried to make a New Years resolution. 2 days since I broke it.

Wow I can't even keep a New Years resolution for a day

I looked at myself in the mirror. I hated everything about me. How I look, how I walk, how my voice sounds, everything. I hate how I can never keep New Years resolutions. I hate how people always bully me. Why can't I just be normal?

Maybe I should just go. It would be easier.

I put my back against the bathroom door and sighed as I sat down. School started again tomorrow. Back to waking up early, getting bullied, and schoolwork.

Maybe I'll drop out

It wasn't a bad idea to be honest, only half a year left and I would graduate. Honestly, I never thought I would make it this far. I figured I'd be gone by now. I want to go, so badly. But I can't leave. I can't leave Tommy. And Tubbo. Yes, we live very far apart but they're my best friends. We all met a few years ago online. After everything went wrong, but before everything got even worse. Before our parents abandoned us. Before Sapnap and I had to move into this small house. He's such a great brother, I don't know how I can leave him.

Maybe I could make a new promise to myself

Since my parents left us, everything changed. I stopped caring. About everything. The only thing I care about is Tommy, Tubbo, and Sapnap.

One more year. That's all I can take.

I stood back up and looked in the mirror

"One more year." I said to myself, "one more year is all I can take. By this time next year, I'll be gone"

January 4th

I woke up and checked the time

8:24am

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! I jumped out of bed and ran into my closet, grabbing a hoodie and some jeans, quickly changing into them.

My bag was still packed from before the break, I just needed to fill up my water bottle. I grabbed it and my water bottle and ran downstairs and into the kitchen.

Once my water bottle was filled, I put it in my backpack and grabbed my skateboard and headed out the door.

~time skip~

It was finally lunchtime. I had arrived 10 minutes late to my first class, but it was fine. I zoned out during class and decided I'm going to drop out of school. Why continue if I'm not gonna use any of this information?

I looked at the menu to see what was being served today, and it was mac n cheese, my favorite. That's great! It kinda tastes bad but it's good for school food.