PHOENIX - The Rebirth Of Hope

Chapter 12 : Old Age

Another year passed by like flipping the pages of a book. The past was the yellowed paper that crumbled away in pieces, leaving memories bad or good. Left was a present and an unknown future that might turn Samarth's fate upside down as it wished. And in all those years there was one thing that didn't change: his family's poverty and Samarth's mind's unwillingness to study.

He was in 10th standard. Somehow he had passed 9th standard or better to say, saved himself from just an inch of being thrown off the brink, dangling between failure and success.

Samarth's condition hadn't changed even a bit. If anything then it had only worsened. He still couldn't concentrate on his studies. The pressure never decreased. It only increased and with it, a deep echoing sharp, yet at the same time faint pain that clawed at his chest. He could not describe it, given the complexity of the situation.

It was like a sword was hanging above his head, ready to come raging down at the slightest hint of helpless prey.

As Samarth grew, his features had started changing. His cheekbones had become sharp and his chin had become pointed, like his father, with a stubble of small, fine hair. He had grown in height too.

Despite his wayward situation, Samarth still had his duties going on. After returning from the well or hand pump( whichever suited him according to the way he took), sometimes Samarth would stop to say hello to Nana Ji. But he never stopped for too long. He would go to the dump yard sometimes if he had time to see if fate would give him some money. As always, sometimes he was lucky, and sometimes he was not.

His parents had aged another year and had already started looking old. There were small wrinkles on his mother's forehead and hands, as smooth as creases on a wall. His father's face was wrinkled too. He had permanent bags under his eyes. His hair had turned grayish and brown. The worst was that more than old they looked exhausted as if fate had snatched their beauty of youth and happiness far early than it had time to stay. It was as if it had sucked all the energy and enthusiasm and left them old and tired.

As Samarth saw them age, a sense of loss overcame him that how something so beautiful as youth could shrivel up, dry and old. Everything in life had to grow old. That was true. The gift of youth never lasted forever. But the small period that it did was the best. Every small memorable moment would get stored into a beautiful or dreadful picture, something that you could replay in your mind when you grow old and laugh and smile when it makes you happy or cry when it makes you sad.

There are many dreadful memories but what are the happy ones? What were happy memories? What does it even mean? Samarth did not know what people thought of as happy memories. He thought for a while. What made him happy? Then he realized it. His happy memories were the ones with his family: talking to Nana Ji, having dinners with the whole family present et al. These were his happy memories. Maybe then it was theirs too or maybe it was something from their childhood.

Yesterday only, Samarth had found them arguing about money and how it was becoming difficult to pay for Samarth's fees and other needs. The conversation had soon grown heated. It was the first time in many years Samarth had heard them argue.

They had immediately stopped when they saw Samarth. Samarth had quickly gone into the kitchen and had come back to his room. They had resumed the moment Samarth was out of earshot. Samarth could hear their voices, but it wasn't as lucid as before.

Samarth wasn't a learned saint or something but even he knew that arguing with each other was not going to solve things.

Samarth had always prayed his parents to be happy. He understood that they didn't want to drag him in their scuffle. He had always wanted no trivial or family issues to come in between and cause the strong bond that they had created over the years to crumble.

Samarth gulped his food and nearly choked as realization dawned on him. It was his fault. They were trusting him to get the family out of poverty but by now their hope and trust in him had become fragile. Even how much they tried to hide it they weren't fooling anyone. He thought of their constant support, hard work, and sad smiles. The whole house sank of despair and a feeling of being lost in the darkness where the light couldn't reach.

Samarth didn't realize he was shaking. He wrapped his arms around himself and without finishing his food, cajoled himself to sleep.