Mishaps on Malachor

Chapter 2 - Panic Attacks and Sith Lords

Welcome to my first panic attack. Great. ;~~; So, I hope I didn't try too hard and mess everyone up, because I had a lot of fun! :D (I'm mean.) And I blame his mental status on being stuck into a five-year-old's body. ;;-;;

What's wrong with you? He hisses at himself. What is happening to him? What is wrong with him? He had been planning to wait until the Temple exploded. It would have taken care of everything. It would have fixed all his problems. But now here he is, lost and alone again. He's so, so tired. He wants everything to end.

Anakin stumbles across the rocky surface of Malachor until his legs finally give out and he falls to the ground. His weight is too different from what he's used to. His legs are human. They're human again. He's – he's not a machine anymore, which is a good thing. But what happened to him? He slides to the ground, burying his face in his hands. He doesn't feel like – he doesn't even know what he feels like anymore. His thoughts are jumbled, scattered, his responses delayed. He even has to keep remembering to breathe on his own. He doesn't even know what caused this. He doesn't even know what's happening. All he knows is that none of this should've happened in the first place, so how is he here and why is he like this?

He just found Ahsoka again, and he nearly killed her. He nearly killed his own little sister because he lost his temper. No. He doesn't even know why. It just happened. She's not your sister, part of him reminds. She left you, abandoned you. Like you told her. Now she betrayed you by telling them.

No, she didn't. She wasn't thinking clearly, and – nor was he. He doesn't even know what or why or... or anything anymore. Except one thing. He's dangerous. Uncontrolled. He can't stay near them. He'll only hurt them. He wants to go back, to find her, but he can't. What if he kills her like he killed Padme?

And he is absolutely not crying, his hands are just wet because... because. He doesn't know anything anymore. He feels overwhelmed and confused, and all those little things he's managed so well to forget are nagging at him. This stupid, childish body. He can't even think. He doesn't even know what to do. He's lost, alone, confused, just like he was back when – no. He's a Sith Lord, he – why is he trying to lie to himself? He's no one. Ahsoka already proved she won't support him, yet the General of him is trying to surface every time he sees her.

This wouldn't be the first time he's felt like this, he knows it. It's happened since back at the start of the Clone Wars. It usually took Rex and Ahsoka to calm him down – Ahsoka, his sister, who he nearly killed who walked away like everyone he ever had who rejected him –

He vaguely knows exactly what it is he's experiencing – it certainly wouldn't be the first time – and it would be so easy to reach for his anger. It strengthens him, gives him focus. The Jedi were wrong. Fear is not powerful. It's not the Dark Side. It doesn't strengthen anyone, at least not him. All it does is leave his mind muddled and chaotic, completely unable to focus. But he'd had enough of these... moments even as Vader, but it was so easy to stop it. If the pain he was in wasn't enough to keep him grounded all the time, the sound of his breathing would've been. But he has neither of those now.

He just tried to – he's a monster – she left – he's alone here.

He has no idea what's happening or how any of this is happening. He can't possibly be himself right now. He wasn't human. He's not hooked onto a bunch of machines anymore. How did this happen?

Ahsoka. Right, he'd gone to Malachor to fight Ahsoka, Sidious's orders. Then the little girl who looks so painful similar to that face that haunted his dreams ceaselessly for so long.

The world around him feels hazy, gray – not like there's much to see on Malachor – but he knows he's not breathing. He doesn't even remember how to anymore, but he tries anyway.