Mishaps on Malachor

Chapter 6 - To Make A Choice

The second panic-attack I've ever written, so beware if it's weird. Also... there is a serious amount of heartbreak in here, so...

~  Rivana Rita

The distinct smell of smoke fills the air, the golden orange glow of flames casting haunting shadows across the scorched ground. "Anakin?" Ahsoka – the one as he remembers her, from when they saw each other again – moves forwards to crouch over him.

It's been mere days since he was able to live without constant pain – at least physical – but now that it's back, he can't even move. The constant agony that crushes him until he can't move, making him only want it all to end even though it won't, is back.

"Ahsoka?" he rasps. Everything was destroyed. Is she alright?

"You lead him here!" she yells suddenly, the worry in her blue eyes replaced by rage. "You told us it was safe, but you lead him here!"

"W-what?" He tries to push himself up but falls back to the ground. All this destruction, again, was his fault. All he wanted was to end it, but it didn't work. Why? Why is it that every time he gets himself involved with anything, he destroys everything?

"You did it on purpose, didn't you?" She glowers at him with disgust, and he finds himself struck with the sudden childish urge to cry. "You deserved it all, you know," she hisses, hovering over him. "Sidious should've left you there to die."

"He should've," Anakin echoes weakly, unable to argue the point. Had he died there, so many lives would have been spared. He only lives to hurt more, which is precisely why he was trying to die on Malachor. Something's not right –

"It doesn't matter now," she hisses, "You're not my brother. You killed him. You said so yourself. And then you tried to kill me."

He wants to protest, to say something, to scream in denial, maybe, but he can't. It's true. It's all true. He can't deny any of it. He nearly killed her, and – and... Sidious tracked him here, and he destroyed everything, the only hope of him being defeated.

"You thought you could run from me?" Sidious hisses, the dark-robed figure standing threateningly out from amidst the smoldering remnants of the base, or... he doesn't want to know what exactly used to be here when everything fell apart.

"N-no," he stammers, scrambling to get up. His thoughts are scrambled, erratic. This is wrong. Something is wrong, he doesn't belong here.

"Then kill her," he growls. "Kill her and prove yourself my apprentice."

Ahsoka. His little sister. He can't hurt her. Not ever. He can't, but he knows exactly what awaits him if he doesn't. Raw panic coils inside him. He doesn't know what to do. He can't defeat Sidious, but he can't – won't... hurt the one and only person left in his life. Even if she hates him. He deserves it. He can't fault her for it, and he certainly won't kill her for it. Ever.

A blood-red blade runs through her chest.

He can't move. Can't breathe. All he can do is stand, rooted to the spot and watching the life fade from her eyes. This – it – Ahsoka. She's gone. The one person he swore to protect all his life. The little girl he was entrusted with. He screams, the sound echoing off the barren terrain. His hand unclenches, letting the lightsaber fall to the ground. He did it. He killed her.

Nothing, nothing Sidious could do to him would be as bad as this. He just – just...

Jagged bolts of blue-white lightning slam into him, yet nothing can rival the empty void in his heart.

Why? It's that one thought that fills his mind, ringing over and over. Why can't it all end? He wants it all to be over. Why does he have to hurt everyone? Voices filter in through his thoughts, just to haunt him. Someone is calling him. No. He deserves this. All of it.