Boys With Fun | bangtan

the yearbook: Yoongi🖤

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This is a take away from a book in my drafts. Just read it and leave feedback please <3 I'm trying to decide if I should post it again.

Includes obsession, mentions of aggressive behavior and sui**d3.
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-MIN YOONGI-

I was always interested in her more than I was anything else. And that said a lot about me in itself.

A love struck fool who paid more attention to his crush rather than the lesson being taught. Could you blame me though? She was perfect, in every sense of the word. And I wanted her more than she would ever want me.

There was always something holding me back from her. Wether it be her friends or the crumbling weight of social anxiety creeping up on me whenever she was around - I knew that I would never get her.

She liked the outgoing boys. The ones who weren't afraid to get things done. The ones who didn't hide in the shadows but rather put people in them. The darker ones, the ones that drove fast cars and played sports. The upbeat ones.

The ones that I could never be.

It set my heart on fire and in a fit of rage I would storm home with my face red, slamming doors and throwing things around all because I wasn't what she wanted me to be.

And I couldn't blame anybody else but myself for that. For it wasn't her fault that she liked who she liked, it wasn't her fault that I wanted her this badly.

It felt like my heart beat for only her and my legs would move to whichever way she pointed. My breath would get caught up in my throat whenever I seen her and fuck, she controlled every bit of my body and being.

I felt like I was on cloud nine whenever I got a whiff of her perfume. She always smelled like roses which was ironic since it was the arc of her name. She was tall and slim, skin white and smooth. She had purple hair at the moment but I knew she would look good in any color.

She hung out with three other girls in a tight clique similar to mine expect she had actual friends and I had three imaginary ones.

She was the girl everybody wanted but in a way I knew I wanted her more than they did. If I didn't then I wouldn't write about her, dream about her, stare at her or even look her way.

I often paid no mind to the things that didn't interest me. I blocked the world out for her and she was the only thing I could think about. My grades dropped because I was focused on her. I skipped meals because I volunteered to do her homework. Yeah, I did hers instead of mine.

Her grades were probably sky high. I was one of the smartest students if not the smartest. But why was I so dumb for her? Head over heels, lovesick, a fool, a clown - and I would gladly be just for her.

She could do anything to me and like the dumb person I was I would run back willfully. This is how it felt to let a person control you without them knowing that they controlled you.

But I had a feeling. A feeling that she knew the affect she had over me. A feeling that she knew her power, her strengths and my weaknesses.

Was this what love was? Being brainless, falling in without thinking, needing someone? Breathing for someone. Starving yourself for someone. Dreaming, thinking and having nightmares of that someone picking somebody else over you?

I would kill myself if she picked someone over me. That's how badly I wanted her. I would go find a bridge and jump off if i were to find out someone else had her attention.