The Angel Next Door

Chapter 20

"Where would you say it all started going downhill?" Asher looks towards me.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really." It saddens me that he doesn't really seem to know what happened all those months ago.

"Your interview with Kelly Clarkson."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. Your first interview after coming out on Instagram. The one where you told the world you were, and I'm quoting you here, 'single and ready to mingle'." I can't help but chuckle a little at that.

"That wasn't my best moment... for many reasons."

"Can you just tell me why you did that?"

"It was Jeff's idea." His manager. "His data told him it would read better if I was single at first, then got in a relationship in a month or so."

"Why would you listen to that bullshit?"

"I don't know. He was convincing. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"You didn't think I would mind having to stay hidden away with you as if you were still in the closet, or as if you were ashamed of me?"

"Honestly... no. We'd already stayed hidden for a while. I didn't think another month was a big deal."

"You were wrong. I felt like the hidden boyfriend in the floorboards. It was humiliating. Especially once you started going out to gay clubs and I wasn't allowed to come."

"Yeah..." He doesn't even have a response to that.

"You were going out almost every night to parties and clubs. Being invited by all the big LGBTQ people in Atlanta."

"Well I originally didn't go to the parties I was invited to, but then you were busy every night."

"I was busy?"

"We would come back from set all day and then leave right away."

"I usually had dinner with you first."

"Sometimes. Rarely after a while."

"Well, I was doing important stuff."

"I know. You were starting a career. And it was adorable."

"Adorable? Really? That's just patronizing. I was offered a chance to work with the stunt team. They did a lot of their rehearsals in the evening after filming. It was a great opportunity. One that actually got me the stunt job that I've had these past few months."

"I didn't mean to patronize you. I know it was important. All our free time was taken away."

"So you decided to go and party?"

"I would hardly call in partying. I mostly went to those clubs and stood in the corner."

"Except when you were making out with guys."

"I'm sorry about that. I apologized when those photos were released. And I explained it and you said you understood."

"Well, I didn't. I didn't understand how a guy could kiss you without your permission and long enough to get multiple photos without you pushing him away."

"I'm sorry. I fucked up. But can't we move past that already?"

"Oh, I've moved past the kissing. What really hurt was everything that happened in the week before I left."

"You can't blame that entire last week on just me."

"I'm not. I never have." I stand up, feeling a little antsy. "Trust me. I know I fucked up."

"I still remember waking up to you butt naked working on stunts."

"That was a fun stunt," I remember the fun of learning new stunts. "And that morning everything started to feel good again. We had breakfast. We laughed. And then we went to set."

"And..."

"Yeah..." I remember it like it was an hour ago.

"That was the worst I'd ever felt. And I was completely alone."

"And I felt so bad. I really did."

"Yet I was vomiting all over the set and then into a toilet, alone, all day."

"And I would've been next to you all day... but Kyle was asking for my opinion on a stunt and gave me the chance to coordinate it myself."

"I get it. You choose your career over me."

"As I said that night. I couldn't have done anything to help you. I would've just sat next to you on the floor and missed out on an opportunity that led to the job I love more than any other I've had."

"You could've been there for me. You weren't there for me for weeks and I was hoping that in my time of need you would be there."

"Your time of need? You were just throwing up! I've had way worse days after a long night out. It was nothing."

"And this is the same fuckin' argument we had that night. And you still can't understand my point of view."

"Same with you!" I grab a pillow from the couch and just hug it, trying to hold my anger in. "And because neither of us could understand each other, we argued."

"Every single day."

"It was so tiresome. I hated it so much."

"Same."

"And you were so angry. I'd never seen you like that before."

"I'd never felt that way before. And I wanted to let it all out."

"Oh, you did."

"Yeah. I can't apologize enough for it."

"True." We both chuckle a little.

"When I went out that night I decided to drink. And not just normal drinks, but lots of drinks. Lots of tequila."

"Tequila? Are you crazy? You never drink, then you decide to go with tequila?"

"It was a really really bad mistake. That only lead to the other mistake."

"Yeah..." I plop down into the couch.

"I just want you to know that it was only the one time. And I know it's cliche, but it meant nothing." I stay silent. "He just so happened to be at the club. He was the first guy to give me attention. I took it."

"And then you fucked him in our bed." The air in the room suddenly feels thick.

"Yep." I can see his eyes start tearing up. "And It's my single biggest regret in my life. I hate myself so much. More than you could ever hate me."

"I doubt that."

"I just wish I was mature enough back then to talk to you. To tell you how I really felt. To discuss why we were angry and be able to move on."

"Yeah... I wish I hadn't run away. Maybe if I had stayed and we had talked we could've figured something out."

"Maybe."

"I guess it just wasn't supposed to be that way." He stands up and comes over to me, sitting down next to me.

"Do you think we could move on from this? Start where we left off?"

"I don't know if I can do that." I stand up and walk to the other side of the room. "I think I just need to be alone for a while."

"Yeah. I get it." Asher gets up and walks to the living room doorway. "I'm always next door if you need anything. A hug. Some candy. Anything."

"Thank you." He walks out, leaving me to my thoughts.