The Angel Next Door

Chapter 21

8 DAYS LATER...

I haven't spoken to or seen Asher since the last time he left my house. It's not that I don't want to see him or speak to him, but I just don't know if I can. Everything in my bones is telling me to let it go, take Asher back into my arms. My heart is telling me to run, not let it get hurt again. Just the thought of it makes my hands shake. And then my brain, my stupid brain with its very good memory, keeps jabbing me with images of Asher in the bed with that ho. It flashes over and over, just pissing me off. Then I see Asher's face. His sweet face that truly loves me. And then I get a headache.

Every time I see Asher outside or around the neighborhood I've been running away and hiding. Like a little kid. And I know, it's pathetic, but I can't help it. If I see him he'll want to talk. And if we start talking I'll either have to tell him off and that I never want to see him again, tell him that I just want to be friends, or tell him I still love him and want to ravage him every single day.

10 MINUTES LATER...

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

As I walk into the kitchen I see Asher walking up to my back door. I turn around and look for a place to hide, but I get flustered. Next I know, he's knocking at the door and we're making eye contact. I notice a duffle bag in his hand.

"Hey." He's smiling, looking too adorable.

"Hey...?" I'm a bit skeptical.

"So..." He looks really nervous.

"Just spill it."

"My family's tested positive for Covid."

"Oh shit." I really want to take a step back and close the door, but trust him enough to stand firm.

"Yeah. But I tested negative."

"Oh... are they doing alright?"

"Angel and my dad are basically fine, but Avi and my mom are not feeling well."

"I'm sorry."

"So that brings me to why I'm here..."

"You wanna stay here?"

"Is that you asking?"

"Honestly... I don't know."

"So if I did ask?"

"Even if I didn't want to, I'd still let you stay."

"While that's sweet, I don't know if I could stay here if you didn't truly want me here."

"I get it." I don't know what to say.

"I'll just find a friend to stay with." He picks his bag up and turns around.

"Wait." He turns back to me and I walk up to him. "Stay." I grab his bag.

"Really?"

"Just shut up and get in here before I change my mind."

"Okay." His adorable laugh makes me laugh.

We walk in and he follows me upstairs.

"I'd let you stay in the guest room, but there are no curtains and you'd be melting within an hour."

"I can sleep wherever, it doesn't matter."

"Oh shut up. You'll sleep in my old room. I moved the mattress over from the guest room."

"Where are you staying? The master room?"

"No. I haven't stepped into that room yet. I've mostly been on the couch anyway."

"Spencer..." I turn to face him. "I never really had the chance to tell you this, but I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thanks."

"I actually talked to her once. After I got back from Atlanta."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She was asking about you. Wondering where you were." I sit down on the floor and Asher sits on the mattress. "I told her you had gotten a job and was staying behind a bit longer."

"Thanks."

"She seemed really worried. Did you talk to her at all?"

"No. But she did call me a week before she died. And I didn't answer. I was at a party. Saw her name on my phone. Then just turned it off."

"That's..."

"Yeah. And I remember thinking 'what a bitch'."

"I'm sure you didn't mean it. You were probably drunk or high."

"I was actually a little bit of both." We both laugh a little.

"She knew you loved her. And she loved you back as well."

"The problem is... and I know it sounds awful... I don't know if I really did." I begin tearing up. "It's just that... we were never really close. I grew up basically hanging with my dad every day. I loved being around him. And when they divorced I choose him. The only reason I ended up with my mom was that my dad didn't want me anymore."

"But you lived with her for a few years."

"And I never really saw her. When I did she was with Dave. And I just learned that she didn't love me. She would always take his side over mine." I take a few deep breaths. "I hate myself for feeling this way. I really do. But if I'm being honest to myself, I wasn't sad when I heard she died. I was shocked... but not sad. I sat there thinking how awful I am. And I haven't been able to stop thinking that. Who isn't sad when their mother dies?"

"Spencer..."

"What does that make me? Am I that bad of a person? Am I an emotionless robot?"

"Spencer!" Asher grabs my shoulders and makes me stare right into his eyes. "You are not a bad person. You are not emotionless. You are amazing. And you are as complicated as any other human being there is. You feel multiple things on multiple levels. That doesn't make you a bad person. Trust me. I know."

"But..."

"No." I've never seen him this firm. "You'll get through this. I'll be here to help you."

"It's not like you can go anywhere else." That makes Asher laugh a little and that makes me laugh as well. "Asher...?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything. The fighting. Running away. Just general foul behavior."

"You don't need to be sorry. But thanks. And I'm sorry about everything I did."

"I accept your apology. And I'm hoping we can maybe start over."

"Start over? Like friends? And just friends?"

"Maybe friends at first. Maybe something else. Maybe just see how it goes."

"I can handle that."

"This is gonna be a fun two weeks."

"Yeah."

"Wanna watch a movie?" I stand up.

"Sure." I help him to his feet.

"Fun."