I stayed up all night. I needed to sleep but even with Steve next to me I couldn't keep my eyes shut.
I'm never like this before a rumble. I can't be like this before a rumble. They'll see I'm nervous before we even leave and won't let me go, but if I hide it for the gang, the Socs will see.
No way am I telling Steve I'm nervous about this rumble, either. He worries about me too much and won't let me go. There's no way I'm leaving them alone to fight.
I turn over again, making sure I don't wake Steve up. I turn on my back and stare at the walls. Steve turns over too, opening his eyes. He looks over and sees me wide awake.
He grabs one of my shoulders and pulls me closer to him. "You good?" He asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Go to sleep." I tell him. I try to believe that myself.
I've always had trouble believing myself.
"I will if you will. I know you haven't slept yet." He says. "Tell me, what's upsettin' you?"
"I promise it's nothing, Steve."
"Fine," He slides his arm under my head and turns to face me. "Sleep, you'll be better tomorrow."
I sigh again and try shutting my eyes again. Being in his arms is nice, and it helped a little. I don't know when I fell asleep last night. I don't even know how.
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Next morning
I woke up sweating, and Steve wasn't next to me anymore. I figured he was out in the other room.
I got up and slid on a sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. I got off work today, thank god. I don't know if I'd be able to.
I walked out of the room once my hair was combed. My stomach still ached from the anxiety of tonight.
My brain still worked to try and figure out what was different about this rumble. I've never had a worse feeling about one than I do today.
I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and put water on my face.
Steve stood in the kitchen with his DX shirt opened. I walked past him and grabbed the cigarettes off the counter hoping he wouldn't see.
"What are those for?" He asked with his back turned to me.
"What?"
"What is bothering you, baby?"
"Nothing!" I snap a little bit. "Sorry I just- nothing is wrong. I promise."
