I am a Girl

What is Hope?

What is hope? We all ask that question like in our walk-in life. Is it something very simple yet very complicated? We all seem to understand it then again we don't. We all hope for something every day. Even when you give up, you still hope to be left alone, still deep down you want someone to care for you. Some hope for a better day, some hope for better work, for better food, better friends or family, better selves, better people, someone to love, someone to care and some for a better or different life. We are only human, right? So I ask you, fight for that. Fight for that small change, that small belief that things will be better. Embrace it and then maybe, just maybe someday in somewhere in the world, you will wake up and you're in this place where nothing is perfect but everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You're at peace, at peace with everything you've been, at peace with what you've been through, and at peace with where you're headed.

Hope is the undefeated love we have in ourselves. Hope is the stubborn soul that never gave up. Hope is the impossible, the loyalty, the trust. Hope is our belief, not in some god or person. But in ourselves. No, I'm not an atheist; neither do I support one religion nor am I asking you to stop believing in God or follow god. You do you, you're you, perfect just the way you think and the way you are. But I boldly ask which religion, moral, belief, virtue, book, and such ask you to give up hope. Every aspect of us being human means we know how to hope. We don't need to be taught how to hope. Since the moment we are born, the moment we open out tiny eyes, filled with lights that hurt at first, and then we meet our first hope, our mother. Doesn't matter how your mother turned out to be, the moment you were born they saw hope in you, and that hope is what drove them to bring you in this world, it's what drives them to bring you up, to help you, to make you a better human. No, we don't always end up getting the perfect mother, let alone perfect parents. But then again, are we perfect?

When we ask this question, the insecurities, anxiety, depression, conflicted mind, etc. comes into the picture. But why? Why do we torture ourselves with such futile questions, why do we break our own beautiful soul by judging ourselves? No one judged you when you were born, trust me, love, no one even tried. Because you were beautiful, you were hoping, you were the last belief, the first aspect of life. Some might say, that there are cultures, religions, races, countries, families where you have been judged for being either girl or boy, being black or white, or just simply being different. But even then if no one saw hope in you, then how were you born? Why are you alive and how are you reading this? No one can force you in a way of life. You make in yourself, even in difficult situations, you do it. You might not always succeed but trying wouldn't ruin anything. No one in this universe is born without a purpose, neither did you.

Why am I talking about such things like I am living the best life of my own? I am not, trust me as I'm writing this, I still question as to why am I even alive, what is my purpose, why am I even writing this, when probably no one will read this. I constantly get anxious about life, get a nervous breakdown every time my exam comes, fail in class, or cannot follow up with my friends or people my age. Does it make me feel worthless constantly? Yep, it makes me wanna murder those who judge me then kill myself cuz I'm not cool with being locked up, as it will be boring like that. But In the last 18 years of my life, I never gave up, not on myself or my beliefs. Did I never try to take my life? Heh, that's a dumb question, above 55% aged between 15 to 44 years and 45% aged 45 years and above are killing themselves every day or thinking to do so or already did. Why would I be an exception? I'm not a scholar, nor talented or unique, definitely not capable of achieving anything. So, why did I yet believe in not giving up? Partly because of some experience I had to go through because people around me gave up too soon. But I believe it was mostly because I hoped. I hoped for a better future, better life, a change, a difference. It didn't matter how long it'd take but I wanted a difference in the world, I wanted to see the world change for better or for worse. Don't even think that it was easy because let me tell you, the world I live in is very conservative. It is almost suffocating. I am judged for my difference, for my gender, for my knowledge, almost everything. I am even restricted from various things for various reasons made by the so-called society. Yet, I am here talking about hope to a very minor group of people I don't know and probably can do nothing for me. The reason is that I always had a strong resolve that I was not alone. I didn't come to this world alone, there are people who need me, who will need me. Even if I'm here all alone in a room, no one to depend on, no one to trust or talk to; I still hoped there will be someone someday who will need my help, just like I need now or needed at some point back in life. If I give up and stop fighting, it would mean I didn't give that one person the chance to be helped. I cannot do that. None of us want that. We may be cruel, cold, and even heartless and so on but deep down we all care. We all get hurt; we are all fragile and vulnerable. We all understand each other's pain and we all want to help. Some can and some can't but we all want to. That itself is Hope.

Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist, it's knowing that they won't last forever. That the pain will stop, that the hurt will heal and difficulties will be overcome. That we will be fine, we will be able to come out of darkness and let out into the sunshine. Whatever your situation, it is not permanent. It will change, it's already changing constantly. Because, at the end of the day, we are all fighters. We all came into this world fighting and can endure a lot more than we think we can. You know, I always thought the greatest thing in this world that we can do and help somebody know that they are loved and are capable of loving. Sometimes, all you can do is breathe and believe that it's all fine, that you're okay. That you've been here before, you've been scared, alone, uncomfortable, anxious and even then you survived. There is possibly no reason to give up because that would mean you lose, your entire dark world, people who hurt you, your problems won. You can't let that happen, breathe... and know you can survive this too, I know when it all feels unbearable right now, you're suffocated, you're tired and just wanna let all go and simply give up. But keep breathing; let it all out because I promise you this that all these too shall pass. And tomorrow will be better than today. If not then you just need to keep repeating to yourself how you survived so long and how strong and prepared you are. Life is full of struggle and this world is turning into the trash but then again there are possibilities, love, miracles, and hope. Because the world itself is fighting for its own life. You are a lot more than you think you are or ever will be. That is what hope is.