the funny part about school.

actual entry? (2) .

Yes I do have another entry portraying my epic sob story , and I find it important to share here .

I wrote this to my mom in my diary you know the usual place I let my brutal honesty take over .

      I don't even know when I wrote this because some time ago I thought "screw writing dates in my diary I am the CEO of my life so I do be doing what I do be wanting "and so no more dates in diary.

Dear mom,

If you think there is a problem with who I am ,if you think I am lazy or anything, then donot blame me .Blame the God who created me .I believe I am fine the way I am perfect....the way I am .

       We are all different but we are all made in the image and likeness of God .

       If you think you see yourself as hard-working that's good....good for you. But I don't see any reason for you to point a finger at me and call me lazy . I believe I am perfect the way I am lazy or not lazy , in fact I find myself hard-working too .

We can't share the same destiny and you don't know what date holds for me , judge not so you may not be judged . Mom you are not flawless ,no one is . Please always don't judge people ,I wish you don't judge me.

         No one but God knows my future,no one knows of the plans he has for me ,I think the plans he has for me will be bestowed to me as I am , the way he made me and if I have to change he will lead me to that change.

             I am not saying I got no room for change I am just saying you should stop forcing me to change . I am a person who values my independence and freedom to do things . I am aware that we were given free will by God that means I regardless the consequences I have freedom to choose between good and bad .

         If I have to suffer the consequences of my bad chooses then I will ,surely everything will come to pass whether good or bad. And if I have to suffer from good chooses so let it be ,for it too shall pass.

          I don't know if I have gone too far off ,all I hope is that you understand me, just like I always try to understand you . And I hope you forgive and forget my shortcomings just like I always forgive and forget your shortcomings , all of them .

            And mom I never wish to fail. I am saying this because every time you speak of my results my heart is torn to pieces . I wish for the ground to split for me to enter . I am sorry that I fail ,I never wish to fail ,everytime you speak of my results you speak as if I don't study .

              I wish you know of the pain I bear everyday because of that ,I wish you knew how I spend everyday praying that one day my parents will stop lecturing me the same bitter words, that I just need to add that extra efforts since they never see any of my efforts .

     Perhaps you think I don't study at all ,maybe you think all I donat school is eat and sleep . Everyday I pray , everyday I study hard with hopes .
Everyday I step into a new day my heart continuously telling me to work hard so that I may just once prove to my teachers , my fellow students ,and my parents .*

     Everyday when my expectations are broken I have to keep my head up high ,to keep a brand new smile while my heart breaks ,while my heart cries and aches that for yet another time non of my efforts have bear any fruits , that yet again I have to listen to my teachers terrible bitter remarks that I am stupid** then I don't study then I listen to my fellow students who seem to see that it's normal for me to fail, as if they are customed  to see this happen .

      I also have to listen to my parents who also acknowledge my teachers comments , measuring them and proving them to be right and just .

    * Prove what? ,Past me never made it clear.

      ** Teachers never say to your face that you are stupid they just use long elaborate sentences that can be summarised to saying you are stupid .

I am actually risking my life by writing this ,so click the vote button to save a life .

   And also I don't know everytime I read the letter I feel sad and all like time has passed but the bitter scar lives on . I am by chance just over reacting? Let me know what you think (politely please ) .