Second Chances (Ricky + Nini)

chapter 13 - i'm done pretending i want anyone else

[a/n : thanks for reading! hope you enjoy this one.]

Ricky sobered up when he saw Nini. She was sitting on the ground, shaking, covering her ears, and hyperventilating. He was freaking out but he knew she needed him right now, it wasn't the time to think about himself, Ricky had to step up. He had failed before, and he didn't want to make the same mistake. He slowly walked towards her and kneeled next to her. He took hold of her hands and turned her face towards him.

"Hey. It's just me." Ricky said, "Just feel my heartbeat and try to breathe with me okay. You're okay, I promise."

He placed one of her hands on his heart and took slow, deep breaths. 

"Okay. You're doing so good, Nini." Ricky rubbed circles on her back, "Just look at me. Right at me. Keep following my breathing okay."

Nini nodded. They just sat there for a while holding hands, trying to forget the past 30 minutes. Ricky had an idea.

"You know when you left, I sometimes found it hard to sleep 'cause I couldn't stop thinking about you." Ricky said, "One of those nights, I ended up taking a page from your book and I wrote this song... it's not a good song by any means, it doesn't even have a verse, but it goes like this... "

Even when you and I are worlds apart
I hold you in my heart
Even when I'm a thousand miles away
I wish that I could stay with you

I shouldn't fear
'Cause I'm never givin' up
Never givin' up on us, baby
I wish you were here

Because even when you and I are worlds apart
I hold you in my heart
Even when I'm a thousand miles away
I wish that I could stay with you, with you, with you

I wish that I could stay with you

"It's a beautiful song." Nini said squeezing his hand.

Ricky sighed in relief noticing that Nini's breathing had evened out, and she'd calmed down enough to speak. He looked into her eyes and finally let the tears fall. He was trying to be strong for Nini earlier, but he couldn't take it anymore. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand but the tears kept falling.

______

Nini couldn't bear to see him in so much pain. His eyes were full of sorrow and remorse, and she knew he never meant to hurt her.

"I'm so sorry, Neens." Ricky whispered tearfully. "I said I'd never hurt you again, and I broke my promise. I was emotional and drunk. I just don't want to lose you."

Nini was quiet. She didn't understand what caused his drunken outburst earlier. Why would he think that he was losing her? She thought they were in a good place, and they'd finally eased back into their rhythm. She was so confused.

"When I saw you with him, I just lost it, I kept thinking : that should be me. Four months without you was hell, and I just can't fathom the idea that I've possibly lost you forever, that I have to watch you be in love with some other guy. So I avoided you, because I was running away from reality." Ricky said. "I hate the thought of you and me not ending up together. But Nini, I can't imagine a future without you in it at all. So I'll settle with being just friends."

Nini was touched by his confession, but also confused. She wasn't seeing anyone, she'd even admitted to Kourtney that it was Ricky or no one, and it was still true, she can't imagine herself with anyone else.

"Ricky, what are you talking about?" Nini asked.

"I was at your apartment on Friday night. I wanted to surprise you. I had everything planned, I would give you flowers, we would have Mexican food, and umm, I was going to ask you out properly. But when I got there, you were already with someone else." Ricky took a deep breath as he recalled the events of that night. "Your door was open, which is dangerous by the way, and I heard you talking to him. He asked you out and you said yes."