The Distance Within

11.

A.

My eyes snap open meeting with the light wooden ceiling above my head. The chaotic knocking and microphone blare still going on outside the door, a loud groan could be heard coming from the room next door making me realize just how thin these walls actually were.

At least I wasn't the only one annoyed with whoever is fucking yelling for us to wake up. Looking over at the time I notice how it's just 8 am my own throat letting out a frustrated groan into the pillow as I turn onto my stomach, knowing staying up drinking beer late yesterday was one of the worst choices I've acted upon.

After settling down, everyone was off getting welcomed and comfortable in the cabins they'll be spending three nights in, we were all invited to a roasting night, a warm bonfire in the middle of the tall, towering pine trees. A sight you'd be repelled to forget, a sight that demanded my camera.

While we adults circled the bonfire, the kids either sat with us or sat where little chairs were put down for them to talk or just...do their thing I guess.

Settling down on one of the wooden rolls I let my eyes wander on every other parent, it being too early for me to remember the presence of a one, all until my eyes fell on her. The whole setting giving me a wave of painful nostalgia hit me in the face.

I didn't know if this was some sick game life was playing with me, just to remind me of all the open wounds I thought I closed, but seeing her was worse than I could handle. Ever since she decided to abandon me for god knows it's been very hard for me to deal with specific things, concepts, and trust.

However, the more I spent time thinking about it, the more nights I spent awake in bed I realized that the last thing I wanted was her presence again. The last voice I craved was hers, and if I could I would've fled out of this place immediately, continuing my life right now instead of waiting for when my contract ends, without her or the little angel she's created...

...with someone else.

A few ladies come and open conversations with me, the typical thanking at the start, thanking me for investing in such an unexpected program for their kids, that only leads to them hinting at other things that make my nose wrinkle in disgust.

Except, my eyes fall on one little lad, one that was sitting on the wooden rods added for us to be seated on. His hand mindlessly drawing on his mother's thigh beside him, his eyes fixated on the bonfire like he wasn't here with us.

I look at the boy with bright blue dough eyes and brown curls, the boy that made my heart painfully squeeze inside my chest because of who he belonged to, yet the presence of the boy that I couldn't deny, not with his inviting actions and definitely charming words.

I notice Maya somewhere in between the kid's area, listening to a couple of girls without talking to them, and at that, I felt a string painfully tugging at my heart. Because no matter how much she denies it or tries to act upon confidence it all leaves when it's time to reveal her stuttering tongue, something she can't control and a simple reminder of how badly I wanted this school to happen. The girl entering my heart the minute I saw her three-year-old face smiling at my once lifeless soul.

Nevertheless, her social personality still comes out, if insecurities were getting too much, with my or her mother's reassuring words or simply staying silent she'd do anything to be surrounded by people.

Perhaps I'm never at the school to really know how Xander is there, I still go to a couple of teachers meetings when I could just to keep intact with everything and what I hear aren't reassuring statements. Statements they keep away from Evelyn when I know they shouldn't.