I've Got Red In My Ledger

Chapter Ten

Sleep can't find me. As hard as I try, it doesn't come. I lie there staring up at the ceiling.
I just manage to fall asleep, when Natasha wakes both Yelena and I up, screaming.
"What?" Yelena sits up in bed. "Is she okay? Does she always do this? Natasha, wake up-"
"Yelena, be quiet," I tell her gently. "She's alright, it's just a nightmare. I'll sort it out. Go back to sleep."
"What time is it?" Yelena asks as she lies back down.
"Three o'clock in the morning," I tell her. "Don't mention this to her."
"Whatever," Yelena murmurs as she turns over and goes back to sleep.
Gently, I reach out and stroke Nat's cheek, trying to gently wake her up. I can tell as soon as my fingers touch her cheek, that it was a mistake.

I see right into her nightmare, right into the things that haunt her in the middle of the night. It flashes past my sight in a moment, and I feel as scared as she must. I didn't mean to see right into it, I always try my best to avoid it as much as I possibly can because I am aware that it's an invasion of privacy.
I pull my hand away, shocked by what I saw. Nat has described what it was like in the Red Room before, but hearing something and seeing it is completely different. Usually, I am able to forget what I've seen. Usually I can let it go and move on. But something that I saw still haunts me.
Her scream. Her sobbing.

I saw him, Dreykov. Saw figures standing over her as she collapsed to the ground, bodies lying around her. She was screaming. The figures pulled her into a standing position as Dreykov made his way over to her.
"When I see you again, you'll be completely, and irreversibly, a Widow." He hissed. "You're a good girl, Natalia." He doesn't react to her sobs, doesn't try and stop her from crying. "Be a good girl now."
The figures that are holding her up by her arms pull her from the room, and her screams... they're the sound of a person who has just broken completely. All of the pieces they have left have shattered. I'm a little too familiar with those sorts of screams, and I know exactly how shattered she must be.
It breaks me to see her, to have heard her in that much pain. Nat doesn't deserve any of it. None of it at all.

Sometimes I feel like I am so powerful, and yet my magic, all of that power... it doesn't help people. I can't take away Nat's pain. I couldn't take away the people in WestView's pain. I just made it worse.
"Wanda," Yelena groans in her sleep. "Are you sure she's okay?"
I sigh, having to pull myself back together.
I stop her nightmare with a tiny flick of my wrist, getting her mind to calm down. This is one of the times where I can help her. I can control and manipulate minds, and this is helpful because I can stop her mind from producing the nightmare.
"Nat," I gently place my hand on hers. "It's okay. It was just a dream."
She wakes up immediately, sitting upright in bed.
She looks around the room, as if she is unable to believe that she's safe.
"You're safe," I tell her, pulling her into me. "It's alright."
Her eyes lock with mine as I wrap my arms around her. She's breathless and she's trembling. She wouldn't want people to see her like this.
"I'm sorry," she gasps, still breathless from her nightmare. "For waking you up."
"Don't be," I hold her in my arms, and she rests her head against my chest. "It's alright." I don't know whether to tell her that I know what she was dreaming about, or whether I just keep it to myself. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her.
She shakes her head at first, but then changes her mind. "I... I was back in the Red Room. I... it was a dream but it was a memory."
"I'm so sorry, Nat." There's not much I can tell her. "You're safe now, he can't get you."
Nat nods. "I'll be okay."
"Try and go back to sleep?" I suggest, but she shakes her head frantically.
"I can't. I can't go back to sleep."
"Nat, you have to try." I tell her, pulling the covers back over her. "Just lie there with your eyes closed. It's alright. I'll fight off any nightmares," I promise. "I won't let them get you."
She snuggles down into me, and I hold her tightly.
"What if I go to sleep and it happens again?" She murmurs through the darkness. "I can't see it again."
"I won't let you see it again. I promise you, Natasha. I'll fight off all of your nightmares."
She nods against my chest. "Try and sleep, my love." I murmur into her hair.
"Wanda?" I can tell from how her breathing has calmed down, that if I keep talking, if I keep make soft noise, she'll fall back asleep. Nat needs her sleep. "Did you just call me my love?"
"I did," I smile, softly speaking. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah, I love it." She tells me, and I know she's half asleep.
I start humming a soft melody to her, playing with her hair. She's asleep in moments, and I lie there with her in my arms and I know that there's nowhere else in the world I would rather be. I just wish that I could help Nat to dissolve her past. I wish that it could fade into the background and she never had to see any of it again, feel any of that pain.
I keep humming until I know she's sound asleep.