I've Got Red In My Ledger

Chapter Twelve

From the moment things settle down and we are flying away from the prison, I can see how uncomfortable Alexei makes Nat and Yelena. He stands behind Yelena, and I can see the tension in her shoulders.
Nat holds my hand steadily, and she keeps asking me if I'm one hundred percent sure that I'm okay.
Every time she asks me that, I lean forward over the chair and kiss her cheek.
"I promise you, I'm fine." I tell her. She nods, and Alexei starts mumbling in and on. I don't like the fact that I can see how uncomfortable Nat and Yelena are. I can see that they hadn't thought about this part, the part where he was talking like it's just one big family reunion. I can't imagine what it must be like for them, how it must feel. It must be frustrating and upsetting and all sorts of different things all at the same time.
"I'm so proud of you girls," Alexei says, and Nat's hand tightens around mine. "Who is your friend?"
Nat sighs, ignoring him. "Oh... you can't hear me, ah?" He grabs a pair of headphones, and I watch Yelena roll her eyes.
He leans forward between them. "Woah." Yelena leans forward and hits him in the face. Alexei stumbles backwards, groaning.
Yelena sighs, but is clearly pleased with herself. Nat just holds my hand, staring out the window.
"Ah!" Alexei covers his face with his hand. "Okay, why the aggression? I just asked who your friend with the super powers was. Is it your time of the month?" He thinks he's really funny, but none of us laugh.
"I don't get my period, dipshit." Yelena answers coldly. "I don't have a uterus."
I just want Alexei to sit down and be quiet. I don't want to feel Nat getting more and more tense. Especially because I already know that Nat's dream from last night will be running through her head, and she'll be unable to get it out again.
"Or ovaries." Nat mutters, staring out the window. I just softly rub her hand, holding her tightly so that she knows that I'm here. This is one of the subjects that Nat won't talk about, she won't let herself think of the thing she wants but can't have. I can feel the hurt, feel it radiating off of her. I wish that I could take it away from her, wish that I could stop her past from haunting her.
"Yeah, that's what happens when the Red Room gives you an involuntary hysterectomy." Yelena turns to face Alexei, her voice cold. "They just kind of... go in, and they rip out all of your reproductive organs." I lean forward, pressing my lips to Nat's temple.
"I love you," I remind her. "I love you and I'm so proud of you." I murmur softly.
"Thank you," she tells me, glancing up at me with a smile. "I love you too."
"All of them." Yelena continues. She starts using her hands to describe exactly what she's saying, and I can feel the rage radiating from her. She's got every right to be mad. "They just get right in there and they just chop it all away. Everything. So you can't have babies or-"
Alexei starts to try and get Yelena to stop talking, trying to interrupt her. Nat just sits there quietly, her hand in mine.
Alexei gets defensive, finally able to realise how much of an impact the Red Room has had in the two of them.
"Okay, okay, okay. Don't be so clinical and testy." I feel Nat sigh, because Alexei is being unreasonable. This is the first time they've seen each other since he let them be taken away to become trained killers, and both Nat and Yelena have a right to be frustrated with him.
"Okay," Yelena shrugs, turning back to face the front. "Well, I was going to talk about fallopian tubes, but alright." She speaks bitterly.
"It just means so much to me that you girls came back for me." He sighs. "And you still haven't told me who your friend is."
"No. No. You're going to tell us where the Red Room is." Nat tells him, her voice flat and serious. "And how we get there."
Alexei laughs, and I can't help but glare at him.
"Wow! Look at you, all business."
Nat sighs. "Well it's not a pleasure."
"Look at you, Natasha. Bringing one of your western Avenger friends to help us." Alexei chuckles. I am not sure which part of this he finds funny.
"Well, I chose the west because they actually treated me like family."
"Family?" Alexei scoffs. "Where are they now?"
"Right here," I tell him coldly. "Both Natasha and Yelena have been through more than you could ever imagine. While you were rotting away in that prison thinking you're so high and mighty, they've been to hell and back, and you're sitting here laughing about it." I can't control myself. Yelena laughs at me, impressed.
"Tell us where the Red Room is." Nat says again, but she can't hide the little smile from her cheeks.
"I have no idea," Alexei tells us and Yelena groans, rolling her eyes. "Okay?"
Nat rips off her headphones and moves to sit in the back with Alexei. I take her place, and Yelena is staring straight ahead, trying to remain calm.
Nat rips off Alexei's headset, sitting across from him. "Come on, you and Dreykov were friends."
"Dreykov. General Dreykov, my friend, huh?" Alexei grumbles. "Gives me glory... I was Soviet Union's first and only super soldier. I could've been more famous that Captain America."
I want to tell him that Steve would never have taken his kids to the Red Room, that Steve would never, ever do anything like Alexei did. They two are nothing alike, in fact, they may be polar opposites.
"Then he goes and buries me in Ohio on that stupid mission." I know as soon as the words leave his mouth that both Nat and Yelena will be hurt by this response. Yelena glances down at her lap, and I'm sure she's doing everything she can not to cry.
Nat just glared at Alexei, her anger raging through her veins.
"Three years! Three years! So tedious, just about boring me to tears. Every single day was the same, over and over and over again." Yelena glances over at me, and I can't help myself. The words are so hurtful, that I know I have to say something. "No offence, huh?" He adds, and I explode.
"You think that makes what you just said okay?" I stand up, glaring at him. Yelena shakes her head, trying so hard to compose herself.
"Then he goes and puts me in prison for the rest of my life. Why? Why? Why would he put me in... you know why? Because maybe I want to talk about the withering of the state or maybe I don't like his hair or something and I say something casually about that. But you know, I want the party to feel likes it's actually a party instead of this sourpuss organisation. But instead no, he puts me in prison for the rest of my life. He just runs off and hides, huh? I'm not even the one who... uh... you know, uh... I'm not the one who killed his daughter." Alexei actually has the audacity to watch Nat as he says it, and I'm about to yell at him, but Yelena beats me to it.
"Can we throw him out the window now?" She asks. "Do you think you could do that, Wanda?"
I watch Alexei, my heading tilting to the side in anger. Nat told me how I do that, and now I'm aware of it... but I can't stop myself. I think it adds to the image. And as I told Nat, we've all got our poses.
"It would be my absolute pleasure, Yelena." I tell her, allowing the red power to ignite at my fingertips. Alexei jumps a little, and Nat smiles because he's been knocked down a few places.
"I think we should wait until a higher altitude," Nat shrugs. I nod, and Yelena laughs.
"You're right, Natasha! What a good idea." She answers.
Alexei seems to panic a little, finally giving us an answer. "Why not ask Melina where it is?"
"Wait, Mom Melina?" Yelena snaps her head towards Alexei, shocked. She turns to look at Nat, who is just as shocked.
"We... we thought she was dead?" Nat says, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
Nat really did think that too, and Yelena was talking about it just this morning. They both thought she'd died on the same day that their childhood was snatched from beneath them.
Alexei scoffs. "Ah, you cannot kill a fox that swift."
Nat's face contorts. "Ew."
"What? She was the scientist, the strategist. I was the muscle." Yelena rolls her eyes.
"I swear to god if I have to hear about those muscles one more time, Alexei. Where are they now? I don't see any." She mutters and I can't help but smile. Alexei obviously doesn't hear her, but Nat does, and she laughs. I am sure that if Alexei had heard, we'd have to listen to a long speech about it.
That laugh is cut short by Alexei's next words. "She worked more directly with Dreykov than I ever did."
Nat leans forward. "Wait, are you telling me that Melina is still working for the Red Room present day?" She glances up at me, shock written all over her face.
"She works remotely, outside St Petersburg." Alexei answers.
Yelena scoffs. "Yeah... well, I don't think we have enough fuel for St Petersburg."
"No, we're good, we'll make it." Alexei says.
Yelena raises her eyebrows, shaking her head. "Yeah? okay."

There was not enough fuel, and Yelena knew it as soon as the helicopter started falling from the sky. Luckily I am able to slow down the speed of the fall, meaning that we hit the ground safely.
Nat exits the helicopter first, clearly frustrated with Alexei. I follow her, and she puts her arm around my waist. "Thank you for everything you did back there." She murmurs. "I'm really sorry about him."
"You don't need to apologise, Nat. Please don't think you have to apologise fo him. You do not. You and Yelena are the ones that deserve an apology." I tell her, and she sighs. We walk ahead a few paces, and Yelena follows closely behind us.
"See? You really should have been more organised and brought the Avengers superjet." Alexei grumbles sarcastically. Nat sighs angrily, and Yelena catches up with the two of us.
"I swear if I hear one more word come out of his mouth, I will kick him in the face." She's one hundred percent serious, I know that. It's so clear.
"He's the worst," Nat agrees with her.
"We should've tossed him out the door when we had the chance," I say and Yelena laughs. Nat smiles, her arm still around my waist. I'll never get tired of feeling her against me. Of her body being so close to mine.

"Natasha, tell me about your Avenger friend." Alexei tries to keep up with us but fails.
"Oh my god," Yelena groans. "Her name is Wanda and she has superpowers. I swear, Alexei, if you don't shut up, I'll get her to blast you to space." She tells him bitterly.
"No need to be so testy, Yelena. It's not my fault that I want to know about the Avenger that my girls are working with... that one of them is having romantic relations with." Nat rolls her eyes beside me.
"We're not your girls, Alexei. We aren't your anything. You gave that up on your boring, worst time of your entire life mission in Ohio. You don't get to know everything about us." Nat answers, and I am so proud of her for standing up for herself.
"Natasha..." Alexei starts. He tries to get Nat's attention. "Natasha. Natasha. I want to ask you something. Come, it's important." Nat sighs heavily, and drops her hand from my waist.
"I'll catch up with you in a minute," she promises with a smile. It isn't one of her real smiles though, not one of those ones that she'd given when we were sitting outside drinking beer, or one of the ones she gives me when no one is watching. I continue walking with Yelena, but we can still hear every single word that comes out of Alexei's mouth.
"Did he talk to you about me?" Alexei asks.
"Oh. My. God." Yelena mutters beside me, shaking her head. "He's an idiot. He's an actual idiot."
"What?" Nat asks, and I can hear the hurt in her voice. I know she's waiting for an apology. For something that acknowledges how much he hurt the two of them.
"Did he talk to you about me?" Alexei pauses. "You know, when the two of you were trading war stories."
"Who?" Nat asks, and Alexei groans.
"Captain America! My great, great adversary in the middle of our geopolitical conflict. Not so much of a nemesis... more like a contemporary. You know, I always thought that there was a great deal of mutual respect between-" Nat stops walking, cutting Alexei off. I can hear both hurt and anger laced within her voice.
"Wait. You haven't seen either one of us in twenty years and you're asking me about... you?"
"What is with all of this tension? Did I do something wrong?" Nat rolls her eyes, and Yelena scoffs. She turns to face him, her eyes burning with anger.
"Is that a serious question?"
"I have only ever loved you girls." Alexei says, as if that makes it all okay. As if any of this is okay. I can't keep it in anymore. He's hurt Yelena and Nat too many times on this trip, and I can't keep it in any longer. They don't deserve any of this. None of it. None of the pain that both he and Melina caused as children, nor the pain that he's caused today.
"Alexei, when you love someone, you don't do what you did. When you love them, you do what is best, what is right. You put them before anything else in the whole world. And sometimes doing what is right for them is not easy, I get that. There will be many people that argue against it. But sometimes, sacrifices have to be made. You don't give them to the nearest taker and shove them off to god knows where to be trained as Killers. That's not what love is. You don't do that to children. You don't do that to your girls, to the children you are supposed to raise. That isn't love." I can't help myself, but neither Nat or Yelena stop me. I glance over at Nat, who is watching me closely, her lips pressed together in a line. "You do what's going to keep them safe, regardless of where that puts you." I hope that Nat is listening to my words, and I truly hope she knows that what I will do in the Red Room... I will do because I love her.